Well-done, Please

We're trying something new

2009-05-19T14:26:00.004-05:00

I'm thinking of shutting down Well-done, Please and A Rough Cut and combining them into Brian On. It's not doing exactly what I want it to do, but I think it is a lot cleaner and perhaps a little more elegant. Blogger has been great, but I think I'm ready for a change. (All the old stuff has been copied over there... "Classic Brian" I think they call it.)

Thoughts? Comments? Old war stories?

Congratulations!

2009-05-18T09:04:00.006-05:00

What did you do yesterday afternoon? Hmmph. That's nice. What did I do? Oh not much. I just SAVED HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION, that's all.

A scant 12 minutes before 14:00 hours, I got a call from my friend Chris at the Baptist Building. He was doing sound for a the commencement ceremony for LPA (Lighthouse Preparatory Academy, a local Christian school, and NOT Little People of America). They had rented out our ballroom (how many Baptist organizations can say they have a ballroom?) and there was a problem. One of the five graduates (it's the school's first year... give them a break!) had forgotten his diploma folder thing at home and had nothing to walk with!

Normally this wouldn't seem like the end of the world but they were panicking and in need of a diploma. Chris called on the off chance that I had one in my office downstairs. I did not, but I had my OBU folder upstairs and needed to run to the office anyway, so I sprinted out the door and raced to save Graduation (while still obeying all posted speed limits, thank you very much).

I got there just as Pomp and Circumstance began pomping and circumstancing and handed the folder to "Daniel" and helpfully suggested he turn it backwards so the gold foil stamp "OKLAHOMA BAPTIST UNIVERSITY" didn't show. It turns out that I actually know Daniel. He's the score keeper at Sunday Night Hockey. It's a small world after all.

Since there were only five graduates and I figured it would be pretty short, I went ahead and stayed for the ceremony. Plus they had cake! In case you were wondering, no, there was no photo montage set to Good Riddance. There was, however, a off-key duet of Friends are Friends Forever.

And that, boys and girls, is the story of how Uncle Brian's OBU diploma graduated high school.

Average

2009-05-07T08:15:00.001-05:00

On the radio this morning, they announced that in the 32-country listening area, unemployment was above average in 16 of those counties. Isn't that exactly what you would expect, recession or not? Isn't that what "average" means?

30x30

2009-05-05T08:34:00.006-05:00

I’ve been inspired by the 30x30 list on Leslie’s blog. 26 and 11/12ths years old is is kind of late to begin working on such a list... this is the kind of thing I should have done at 20. It’s interesting, however, to note that as I look through this list, only four or five of these would have even remotely interested the 20-year-old Brian. What will I think of this list at 40? Probably whatever Obama wants me to think, but that's neither here nor there.

Thirty goals is a lot, and I’m just letting you know right here and now there’s very very little chance that I will even pursue a lot of these. To hit that 30 quota, I had to add a few wild cards. Also, I added up the potential costs of these and it looks like reaching for the stars will cost approximately $18,536, not including the $200,000 government R&D grant I intend to use for #10. But hey, you never know when I might stumble across a couple garbage bags full of free money.

Maybe I should just add ten more goals and give myself until 40.

1. Set foot on all seven continents
This has been my thing for a while now, although I don’t remember when I decided to make it a stated “goal.” It's also going to be the one I am going to consciously work towards the most. It’s going to be a stretch to hit Australia, Asia and Antarctica in just 3 years + 1 month. Anyone want to come with?

2. Go a year without drinking Dr Pepper
I’m four months and five days into this one, which is a real achievement considering I average probably two a day for the past 15 years or so. I’ve been relying on the crutch Diet Dr Pepper, and I’ve actually grown to like it. But things are all hunky dory. Sometimes I lay awake at night wondering if I will “recognize” Dr Pepper eight months from now. What if I don’t like it anymore? What if it doesn't like me? This makes me sad.

3. Go a month drinking only water
This wouldn’t be too hard at all. In fact, I’m starting today.

4. Take a road trip in an RV
Anybody want to sign up?

5. Take I-40 from the Pacific to the Atlantic
Maybe this could be done in conjunction with #4?

6. See all 100 movies in the AFI Top 100 (sadly, I’ve only seen 29)
However, I am going to skip #83: Titanic. It is my goal to die never having seen it. Also on my list of movies to (finally) see: The Goonies, Newsies, Hoosiers, and Bedknobs and Broomsticks.

7. Read a book by Ayn Rand
What's it going to be? Atlas Shrugged or The Fountainhead? Place your bets!

8. Be debt-free
OK “debt-free, except for my house.” I’m pretty close on this one too. I should be there by the end of the year.

9. Learn to enjoy salad
Even though I don’t enjoy it, I can eat a salad to be sociable (provided it’s drowning in ranch). I still have a hard time with the physical manipulation of the fork, knife and lettuce. It just doesn’t want to work for me!

10. Develop a recipe for Brian’s Famous _______
Chili? Barbecue sauce? Chicken potpie? Hummus? Artisan bread? Gumbo? Gazpacho? A “house” salad dressing? What does the world need? I need some suggestions!

11. See Paul McCartney in concert
I've knocked our Queen, Paul Simon and it's looking like Brian Wilson is going to happen this Fall. Sir Paul McCartney is all that's left.

12. Write a scholarly white paper on Christian journalism
I’ve been collecting a lot of resources. Now I just need a thesis.

13. Get my credit score above 800
I already have really good credit, but I think it’d be awesome to crack that upper echelon. Although now that I think about it, what good is a good credit rating if intend to live without debt?

14. Help a stranger on the side of the road change a tire
Is it weird that I enjoy changing tires?

15. Beat Mario I, II and III on the NES
I’ve beaten I, and come really close on III.

16. Organize all the papers from OBU I have stuffed in boxes in my garage.
I'll need to set aside like, an entire week.

17. Hear Handel’s Messiah live
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
And He shall reign forever and ever,
King of kings! and Lord of lords!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

18. Go without a ticket for a moving violation
I’m very proud of my perfect driving record. The two tint tickets don’t count.

19. Ride in a hot-air balloon
I have a slight fear of heights, but I just think this would be really cool.

20. Permanently learn the correct usage for who/whom
I look it up every time it comes up but some reason can never remember it.

21. Permanently learn the correct definitions for tornado "warnings” and tornado "watches”
I can never remember which is worse. I've consulted with America's Weather Man (and my Facebook friend), the one and only Gary England and he tells us:


Warning:
A forecast issued when severe weather has developed, is already occurring and reported, or is detected on radar. Warnings state a particular hazard or imminent danger, such as tornadoes, severe thunderstorms, flash and river floods, winter storms, heavy snows, etc.

Watch:
A forecast issued well in advance of a severe weather event to alert the public of the possibility of a particular hazard, such as tornadoes, severe thunderstorms, flash and river floods, winter storms, or heavy snows.

In my mind, a watch would mean "we're watching the tornado head straight for you" and a warning would mean there is a general warning that a tornado may occur. But it's the opposite. Now, knowing that I have this problem, you'd think it'd be easy for me to simply remember that it's the opposite of my first gut reaction. You'd be wrong.

22. Obtain an International Driver’s License
It's only $15! Isn't that awesome?

23. Vote in a primary election
Aug. 3, 2010, here I come!

24. Finally man up and eat a lobster
Bleh

25. Finally man up and eat some sushi
Bleh

26. Lose 15 percent of my body weight
This really shouldn’t be that hard.

27. Read through the entire Bible
I’ve started this countless times and I’ve probably hit 97 percent of it piecemeal, but I want to do in an orderly, accountable fashion.

28. Learn to identify the cuts of chicken on the buffet
Shut up, OK? Just shut up. I don’t know why I can never tell which is the dark meat and which is the white, I just can’t. OK? Telling me, "just get one of the breast peices" doesn't help me. I must have been sick that day in school. And someone pass the white meat.

29. Buy (and maintain the website at) a URL
I owned www.baconcheeseburger.org (yes, .org) from 2005 to 2006, but that was before I started blogging. Plus, GoDaddy’s commercials have turned me off of the whole buy your own URL thing.

30. Unspoken
:-)

Mail Call

2009-05-01T18:14:00.006-05:00

It's not all that unexpected that I find a postcard in my mail box when I get home from work. In the last six months or so, I've gotten about 150 postcards from 45 counties on six continents (and a dozen or so states). Wow, that's a lot. I need to slow down.

But what was awaiting me today? This (click to make larger):How cool is that? Way to go, Kelly!

I Wonder What Would Happen If...

2009-04-23T19:13:00.001-05:00

... the cable news shows began using auto-tune, just like Kanye?

via gizmodo

A Classic

2009-04-23T10:57:00.002-05:00

I know this is just about the oldest joke in the book, but it's still funny. Couldn't you just eat him up?

Google Maps Typography

2009-04-23T10:54:00.004-05:00

via this guy

Oh Noes!

2009-04-20T11:44:00.007-05:00

Back when I was a young journalist and full of pluck (a three-and-a-half week stretch in 1999), I really enjoyed CNN. I liked the news ticker that crawled across the bottom of the screen and for some reason I was really impressed by Larry King. The idea that you didn't have wait until 10:02 that night to learn of the goings on of the world was still pretty novel and I was impressed that they were able to go steady, 24 hours a day. As the news industry as progressed, CNN.com has become of many sites I hit to stay informed. But CNN is beginning to abuse the privilege.

Their top story has the following, earth-shattering headline: 21 polo horses die in South Florida! Now, I like horsies just as much as the next guy (they taste delicious!) but by what stretch of the imagination is this the most important news item of the day? I guess it's only right that a far less important story like Iran to allow appeal for US journalist convicted as spy be listed 13th on the page.

Come on, Ted Turner. Snap out of it.

Were there Pan Flutes and Accordions?? Yes. There were Pan Flutes and Accordions.

2009-04-19T15:49:00.004-05:00

Last night I trekked to St. Louis’s FABULOUS FOX THEATRE* to see one of my favorite artists of all-time, the one and only Paul Simon. He was worth the 150-mile drive, even if I had to sit there for 113 minutes before he even came on stage and I didn’t get home until 2:31 this morning.

The event was actually the 21st Annual Bob Costas Benefit for the children’s cancer wing at a local hospital. I’ve never been to a benefit like this before, and was surprised to see about half the crowd in tuxes and prom dresses. I at least wore a sport coat, so I was far from the most underdressed. If you’re going to expect people to suit up for a concert, you need to make that clear on the tickets.

The FABULOUS FOX THEATRE is pretty cool. You really should take a look at the architecture and décor. I've been to some pretty awesome theaters across the world, but the Fox takes the cake. If I lived in the STL, I'd be there every weekend.

Bob Costas emceed, and he’s actually a funny guy. “There are so many kids that need our help, and Madonna can’t adopt them all.” Also a winner: "This economy is rough on everyone and people are being let go all the time. I don’t know if you remember, but it used to be Simon AND Garfunkel.” Not a winner: All three Sarah Palin jokes. I get it. She likes to shoot things and can see Russia from her front porch.

The first “act” was comedian Robert Klein. I’m told he’s a very famous and influential comedian. I may be exposing myself as very un-hip, but I didn’t think he was funny. Comic ballads to colonoscopies just don’t seem that cutting edge. The short sports announcer with the great hair did much better.

His set lasted an hour, then we had an intermission and I promise you 35 full minutes of thanking sponsors. But it’s hard to complain because some kid is across town dying of leukemia. Finally Paul Simon came on at exactly 9:53. Way to go, Walten Family Dentistry, for being a Silver Circle Sponsor! Next time I'm stuck in St. Louis and need a filling, I'm calling you!

I love Paul Simon. The second album I ever bought with my own money was Simon and Garfunkel’s Sounds of Silence (the first was the soundtrack to Cocktail. Don’t judge me, you know you love Kokomo) and I’ve been a fan ever since. I like they way he speaks his words as he sings them. I also am a fan of his later, post-Garkfunkel solo work, but to a slightly lesser extent. But come on, who doesn’t love the music video to Call Me Al? The world could use a few more Chevy Chase cameos.

A lot of people merely shout lyrics in tune but not Paul Simon. He lays the words down very carefully. I also really respect that he is a singer/songwriter. I’m not going to knock the artist that only sings another’s songs, but it takes a special person to cover every single angle of the process. He is 68 years old, but his voice is as strong, clear and smooth as ever. Backed up by his nine-man band, he sounded great. You can tell he truly loves making music.

He is also a very, very little man.

The set list (not in order):

Slip Sliding Away
Graceland
Gumboots
Crazy Love
Diamonds on the Souls of Her Shoes
Still Crazy After All These Years
Call Me Al
The Boy in the Bubble

From the S&G era:

Mrs. Robinson
Sounds of Silence
The Only Living Boy in New York
Me and Julio Down by the School Yard
The Boxer

The S&G tracks were pretty freaking awesome, even if they weren’t note-for-one the same as the original recordings. S&G bread and butter was (were?) their delicate harmonies and Simon had to rearrange a lot of the songs to fit one vocalist. I sang along to try to help him out, but I’m no Art Garfunkel. I just don’t have the hair.

He didn’t play everything I wanted to hear, but beggars can’t be choosers. I would have loved to have heard 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover, Cecelia, Scarborough Fair and Bridge Over Troubled Waters. Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all.

So I tick off another box on my See Before I (of They) Die List. I got Queen a few years ago in Chicago and I’m planning on seeing Brian Wilson in NJ this fall. If Paul McCartney will just go on tour one more time, I can rest easy.

Oh, interesting tidbit: and there was a blind woman next to me. Her dog just slept at her feet the whole time. I guess he just wasn't music lover.

*It kills me that people/institutions get this wrong: theatRE is an art form. TheatER is a building.

It Kinda Renews Your Faith in the Human Race

2009-04-17T20:46:00.002-05:00

I'm man enough to admit I love watching The Sound of Music. Real men dig musicals! Truly macho men dig musicals re-envisioned in Belgian train stations.

Sound of Music: belgian Train Station

Heh heh

2009-04-16T10:37:00.001-05:00

Arrrrrrrg

2009-04-13T13:05:00.004-05:00

I think we can all agree that we're relieved the captain of the Maersk Alabama was finally rescued over the weekend and that the pirate threat has been (temporarily) nullified by some sharp shooting Navy SEALs. (see story here) Piracy in the modern era has become a real threat to lives and property, and bears no resemblance to the "glamorous" characters in the semi-entertainment Disney movies.

That said, let's all pause to make light (again temporarily) of the problems that plague the Indian Ocean and enjoy the idea of actual seals and pirates locked in mortal combat on the high seas.

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T13:12:00.003-05:00

By Robert Lowry

Low in the grave He lay,
Jesus my Savior,
Waiting the coming day,
Jesus my Lord!

Vainly they watch His bed,
Jesus my Savior;
Vainly they seal the dead,
Jesus my Lord!

Death cannot keep its Prey,
Jesus my Savior;
He tore the bars away,
Jesus my Lord!

Up from the grave He arose,
With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,
He arose a Victor from the dark domain,
And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.
He arose! He arose!
Hallelujah! Christ arose!

Sigh.

2009-04-06T15:34:00.002-05:00

Breaking news: Hillary Clinton is waging war one of my major goals in life: to set foot on all seven continents, including Antarctica. I had planned to knock Australia and Asia off the list before going to frolic with the penguins, but now I may have to move it up on the itinerary. Why, Hillary? What did I ever do to you?

Clinton calls for stricter Antarctic tourism limits

(CNN) - Secretary of State Hillary Clinton called for tighter controls over tourism and other forms of pollution in Antarctica Monday, arguing for greater global cooperation to help preserve the continent's environmental and scientific research value.

The Dry Valley region of Antarctica has seen an increase in visits by tourists.

Addressing a joint session of the Arctic Council and the Antarctic Treaty Consultative Meeting in Baltimore, Maryland, Clinton said the Obama administration is concerned about the growing popularity of tourism in the southern polar region.

She said the United States is proposing new international limits on the number of landings from tourist vessels, as well as greater cooperation to prevent potentially hazardous discharges from those ships.

At the same time, the United States is proposing new requirements for lifeboats on tourist ships "to make sure they can keep passengers alive until rescue comes," Clinton noted.

Aside from worrying about the environmental impact of tourism, the U.S. is "concerned about the safety of the tourists and the suitability of the ships that make the journey south," she said. Video Watch Clinton say how the Antarctic has been protected from war »

The issue of tourism in the Antarctic has become an increasingly divisive issue in recent years, pitting scientists and preservationists against a travel industry seeking to capitalize on a growing demand for adventure and nature-oriented tours.

Over 46,000 tourists visited Antarctica in the 2007-2008 tour season -- almost four times as many visitors as during the 2000-2001 season, according to the International Association of Antarctica Tour Operators.

Clinton's remarks came as the United States helped mark the 50th anniversary of the Antarctic Treaty, a model for "how agreements created for one age can serve the world in another," Clinton said.

Clinton noted that President Obama sent the U.S. Senate an amendment to the treaty Friday that would spell out how the international community should better prevent and respond to environmental emergencies in Antarctica. The amendment would cover the question of liability tied to environmental damage in the ecologically sensitive region.

In addition, the United States has proposed an extension of the treaty's marine pollution rules "in a manner that more accurately reflects the boundaries of the Antarctic ecosystem," she noted.

"The treaty is a blueprint for the kind of international cooperation that will be needed more and more to address the challenges of the 21st century," Clinton said.

"It is an example of smart power at its best: governments coming together around a common interest and citizens, scientists and institutions from different countries joined in scientific collaboration to advance peace and understanding."

Clinton argued that the treaty "and its related instruments remain a key tool in our efforts to address an urgent threat of this time: climate change."

A number of international scientific research stations have been established in Antarctica in part to help explore the probable causes and effects of global warming.
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Twelve nations initially signed the Antarctic Treaty in 1959; 47 nations abide by it today. The accord specifies that Antarctic territory cannot be used for military purposes. It bans, among other things, nuclear testing and the disposal of radioactive waste material on the continent.

It also protects freedom for international scientific research in the region.

OK We're Going to Have a Problem Here

2009-04-06T11:53:00.003-05:00

Hey Mack Brown? You're dead to me. You know what Kurt Vonnegut used to say about asterisks, don't you?

From The Oklahoman:

Texas claims Big 12 championship with an *

By Jake Trotter
Published: April 5, 2009

Prominently displayed on a wall inside Texas’ Moncrief-Neuhaus training facility is a list of the Longhorns’ Big 12 and South Division championships.

According to the Austin American-Statesman, the Longhorns have included 2008 among their Big 12 championships — with an asterisk.

Last season, OU edged out Texas and Texas Tech for the South title in a three-way tie determined by the BCS Standings, despite a fervent protest from Texas coach Mack Brown and Longhorn fans.

The Longhorns claimed that because they defeated OU head-to-head, they deserved to go to the Big 12 title game — despite the fact they also lost to Texas Tech, which created the three-way tie.

On the last week of the regular season, Texas fans even paid for a flyover in Stillwater before the Bedlam game to remind voters of Texas’ 45-35 win over OU in the Cotton Bowl.

Nevertheless, the Sooners went on to beat Missouri in Kansas City, Mo., to win their unprecedented third-consecutive Big 12 championship.

Apparently, that victory is still not being acknowledged in Austin.

Said one school official to the Statesman, “We beat both teams (OU and North Division winner Missouri). I thought that (championship game in Kansas City) was for the runner-up spot.”

Best.Cartoon.Ever.

2009-04-03T20:32:00.001-05:00

TGIF

2009-04-03T18:08:00.004-05:00

Get it? Because Family Matters was on TGIF?

Happy Friday!

Today was a pretty good and productive day:

I used a Best Buy Rewards thing that was going to expire tomorrow to order Citizen Kane, The Great Escape AND (hold onto your hats, folks) Milo and Otis. Toss in The Parent Trap and Smokey and the Bandit and you have the five best films ever made.

Leslie and I launched an online "book club," Miles of Books. She gets all the credit for the classy color scheme. We're starting with The Pilgrim's Progress. Reading begins Sunday.

I noticed the teller at the bank had made a deposit of $83.60 instead of $183.60 before I had driven home and then been forced to drive all the way across town and argue for 45 minutes.

I wrote a Seussian review of I Love You, Man.

I got my oil changed.

I came up with an excuse to go to KC next week and skip In Office Day.

I took a nap.

I discovered I look really good in yellow.

Everyone Chip In

2009-03-31T23:40:00.002-05:00

Despite the Econocolypse, 2008 was a banner year for the film industry. Forget AIG or idiots who bit off way more debt than they could ever hope to chew, it's those I'll-stay-at-home-and-read-a-book people that are prolonging this recession. I know I did my part.

Greetings from Jefferson City!

2009-03-31T19:06:00.002-05:00

Today I sent a postcard to Puri1959 in Apeldoorn, Netherlands. Here's a little something about Puri:

My passion is: photography, travel and letter. The photograph profession does training. Be in Mataró (Barcelona) Spain born. I am very ondernement and can I also very quiet be, am gladly only also between the mob move myself I good. Love many vegetables eat and have for manny years stopped with smoke…. On to a long friendship. loves, Puri

Gosh I love non-native speakers.

But still, not bad for a third language.

My Inner Child Wants to Watch This Over and Over and Over and Over and Over

2009-03-31T15:48:00.002-05:00

Butterfly in the Sky / I Can Go Twice as High

2009-03-31T14:15:00.011-05:00

It's been far, far too long since I've sat down and actually read a book.

That's why I'm especially excited to get back in the groove of things, beginning with my fresh new copy of John Bunyan's classic allegory, The Pilgrim's Progress.

As a method of forcing myself to follow through and keep on a regular schedule, I'm going to be blogging my notes; an online book club of sorts. Along with the intellectual stimulation and inherent entertainment value of a good book, hopefully there will be some spiritual benefit from the endeavor as well. I am the Pilgrim, and he is Me. Count yourself lucky I've let you in on the ground floor. Leslie is going to help too.

The first installment this grand experiment (it's a sad day when consciously sitting down to read a book is such an irregular event as to be called an "experiment") is scheduled for Friday evening, which means you'll have to wait until then for my in-depth analysis and insights. until then, content yourself with this primer on Mr. Bunyan, courtesy of the Gutenberg Project:

BUNYAN, JOHN (1628-1688). —B. at Elstow, near Bedford, the s. of a poor tinker, was ed. at a free school, after which he worked at his father's trade. At 17 he was drafted as a soldier in the Civil War, and served for two years at Newport Pagnell.

That's the English Civil War, in case you were wondering. Wikipedia says the conflict was between supporters of King Charles and supporters of the Rump Parliament. Hehe... "Rump."

At 19 he m. a pious young woman, whose only dowry appears to have been two books, the Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven and the Practice of Piety, by which he was influenced towards a religious life.

I'd just as soon my fiance not be so poor as to own nothing but two books, but the romantic and recently reformed book lover in me says we should all be so lucky.

In his autobiographical book, Grace Abounding, B. describes himself as having led an abandoned life in his youth; but there appears to be no evidence that he was, outwardly at any rate, worse than the average of his neighbours: the only serious fault which he specifies is profanity, others being dancing and bell-ringing.

Oh dear God, no. Not bell-ringing. Anything, anything but bell-ringing.

The overwhelming power of his imagination led him to contemplate acts of impiety and profanity, and to a vivid realisation of the dangers these involved. In particular he was harassed by a curiosity in regard to the "unpardonable sin," and a prepossession that he had already committed it. He continually heard voices urging him to "sell Christ," and was tortured by fearful visions.

I'm not saying I would have done it, but I do wonder how much they were offering JB for Christ. Are we still talking about 30 pieces of silver or has inflation caught up with our Lord and Savior? That was borderline sacrilegious. Sorry.

After severe spiritual conflicts he escaped from this condition, and became an enthusiastic and assured believer. In 1657 he joined the Baptist Church,

Darn right he did.

began to preach, and in 1660 was committed to Bedford Jail, at first for three months, but on his refusing to conform, or to desist from preaching, his confinement was extended with little interval for a period of nearly 12 years, not always, however, very rigorous. He supported his family (wife and four children, including a blind girl) by making tagged laces,

I have no idea what tagged laces are. For our purposes here, let's pretend they are those springy shoelace thingies 3rd grade girls wear.

and devoted all the time he could spare from this

If you're not careful, tagged laces can consume your entire day.

to studying his few books and writing. During this period he wrote among other things, The Holy City and Grace Abounding. Under the Declaration of Indulgence he was released in 1672, and became a licensed preacher. In 1675 the Declaration was canceled, and he was, under the Conventicle Act, again imprisoned for six months, during which he wrote the first part of The Pilgrim's Progress, which appeared in 1678, and to which considerable additions were made in subsequent editions. It was followed by the Life and Death of Mr. Badman (1680), The Holy War (1682), and the second part of The Pilgrim's Progress (1684). B. was now widely known as a popular preacher and author, and exercised a wide influence.

Kind of like a 17th Century Rick Warren, only JB actually had biblical insight. Yeah. You heard me RW.

In 1688 he set out on a journey to mediate between a father and son,

The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon

in which he was successful.

I don't have much experinence in the area since I've never had much conflict with my father, but I have to think most successful father-son mediation revolve around watching Field of Dreams.

On the return journey he was drenched with rain, caught a chill and d. in London on August 31. He is buried in Bunhill Fields. B. has the distinction of having written, in The Pilgrim's Progress, probably the most widely read book in the English language, and one which has been translated into more tongues than any book except the Bible. The charm of the work, which makes it the joy of old and young, learned and ignorant, and of readers of all possible schools of thought and theology, lies in the interest of a story in which the intense imagination of the writer makes characters, incidents, and scenes alike live in that of his readers as things actually known and remembered by themselves, in its touches of tenderness and quaint humour, its bursts of heart-moving eloquence, and its pure, nervous, idiomatic English, Macaulay has said, "Every reader knows the straight and narrow path as well as he knows a road on which he has been backwards and forwards a hundred times," and he adds that "In England during the latter half of the seventeenth century there were only two minds which possessed the imaginative faculty in a very eminent degree.

By my count, that sentence has 140 words. $1 to the first person to diagram it.

One of these minds produced the Paradise Lost, the other The Pilgrim's Progress." B. wrote about 60 books and tracts, of which The Holy War ranks next to The Pilgrim's Progress in popularity, while Grace Abounding is one of the most interesting pieces of biography in existence.

With the possible exception of Let's Talk about Pep, Sandy "Pepa" Denton's seminal masterpice detaling the behind the scenes intrigue that was Salt and Pepa. (Other awesome autobiographies available here.)

That was pretty rude, what I said about Rick. I'm sorry buddy. You keep selling your over-hyped books, praying for presidents and rocking that ridiculous beard. I don't have to read your books if I don't want to.

When is Kevin Costner going to make another decent movie?

Would I Buy Pizza from a Vending Machine?

2009-03-31T13:45:00.002-05:00

Sadly, yes. Yes I would.

Lent FAIL

2009-03-30T09:59:00.008-05:00

Sad Fish :-(

My lunch Friday was, to say the least, disappointing.

I supposed it's my own fault. I've come to expect a lot from the Lenten Menu at The Towne Grill (improperly apostrophed motto: "Food at It's Best"), but their last offering left me with a bad taste in my mouth (pardon the pun).

First, the service was slower than usual. TG's waitstaff are normally on the ball, but for this visit the service was on par with the meal, which is to say it was not so hot. It took longer than normal to take my order and much longer than normal to receive my meal.

I ordered the Special: A fried catfish fillet, fries, cole slaw, green beans, hushpuppies and roll. The catfish, which in meals past was so flaky, hot and light was oily, chewy and tasted more than a little bit muddy. Instead of delicate hints of Creole and a suggestion of lemony goodness, all I tasted was the Missouri River. The fries were over done and the roll was of inferior quality. The green beans were merely average, and don't get me started on the hush puppies. Even the portions failed to live up to my expectations. It wouldn't surprise me if the cancer-fighting Omega-3 fatty acids had been genetically replaced with that foul tasting periodontal cement they use at the dentist. I've never been a cole slaw man, so I cannot comment on its merits. The same goes for the tartar sauce.

So over the weekend, I arrived at a crisis of faith. The Towne Grill had destroyed my faith in the magic of the Lenten Fish Fry. Knights of Columbus, where were you when I need you?

But thankfully the story doesn't end there. Wherever God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window, just like Julie Andrews promised! I hereby do place all my faith in the magical and mystical Catfish Gnome! All hail the Catfish Gnome!

March (Meme) Madness

2009-03-27T10:53:00.002-05:00

Fine. I'll do it. Three Things, here we go:

Three Names I go by:

Brian
BK
Chris (one perpetually confused executive board member)

Three jobs I have had in my life:

Guest Service Associate (Hastings - Bartlesville, OK)
Reporter (El Reno Tribune - El Reno, OK)
Painter (OBU Phyiscal Plant)

Three Places I have lived:

Three TV Shows that I watch:

Three places I have been:

Three people that IM/email me regularly:

Leslie
My Dad
Luis

Three memorable movies:

Three people that text me regularly:

Luis
Chris
Leslie

Three of my favorite foods:

Country-Fried Steak
Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup
Bacon Cheeseburgers

Three of my favorite desserts:

Chocolate cake
Key Lime pie
Grandma's Reese's cookies

Three things I would like to do:

Lose weight
Buy a stick-shift
Take a cruise to Antarctica

Three favorite bands of all time:

Queen
Cake
The Beach Boys

Three things I am looking forward to:

Lunch
Being debt-free
Moving back to Oklahoma

Lint!

2009-03-27T08:56:00.002-05:00

My friendly neighborhood calendar tells me today is Friday, March 27 and that means two things:

I'm having catfish at my favorite hole-in-the-wall diner
I'm past due for my annual Lint post (2007, 2008 posts)

So here it is. My Annual Lint Post. You're welcome.

Lent!

2009-03-25T11:28:00.003-05:00

My friendly neighborhood calendar tells me today is Friday, March 27 and that means two things:

I'm having catfish at my favorite hole-in-the-wall diner
I'm past due for my annual Lent post (2007, 2008 posts)

So here it is. My Annual Lent Post. You're welcome.

祈禱中

2009-03-25T09:33:00.005-05:00

Today in Chapel, some missionaries on furlough from Taiwan spoke to us. I won't regale you with the juicy details of the hour, but I would like to point out these awesome "prayer reminders" they gave us. You heard the chopsticks, 祈禱中!

Huck

2009-03-23T14:13:00.008-05:00

Gov. Huckabee and my boss in "Cheyenne Room" at the lovely Capitol Plaza Hotel.

Today was the second in my Republican Governors who Failed to Parlay Their Current/Former Office to a Job in Our Nation's Capital Lecture Series (see the first here).

Our speaker today was former governor of Arkansas and Republican presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee. He gave the keynote address for the annual Vitae Foundation dinner. I don't have the in-depth analysis of policy and political discourse like last last time. Sorry.

He was pretty good and a definitely politician. He was very quick to shake my hand, make eye contact, remember my name, etc. I don't agree with him on all the issues, but I would have gladly taken him over McCain (though I don't know if he could have done any better against Obama). He was pretty on-message (all things pro-life) and didn't stray much, although he did get in a Fair Tax plug when a guy from the local radio station asked him.

In the "exclusive" interview with my boss, he made lots of Baptist jokes, which I always enjoy. So yeah. There's that.

Here's the thing. Politics make me tired. I hope I'm still just burnt out from the circus that has been the last year. I'm a thinking human being, so I very much want to be informed and involved in the goings on in the world, but man it's just to exhausting. Give Huckabee credit. Today he communicated his beliefs and passions but didn't turn me off to politics. But I'm still tired.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Well? Do They??

2009-03-20T23:24:00.003-05:00

Pretty awesome.

Let's Hear What the Teleprompter has to Say...

2009-03-19T10:53:00.003-05:00

What does Barack Obama's teleprompter think about the pressing issues of the day? I'm glad you asked, because now he's blogging.

They Seriously Had to do a Study to Figure This Out? And Yet I'm Jealous I'm not the One Who Wrote It. Darn you, A. Pawlowski! Darn You to Heck!

2009-03-09T09:09:00.004-05:00

Stolen from the archive of awesome that is toothpastefordinner.com

By A. Pawlowski

(CNN) -- Sometimes, when you need just the right thing to say, it's good to let the movies do the talking.

Whether it's daring someone to "Show me the money!" before sealing a deal, proclaiming "Houston, we have a problem" when something goes wrong or shouting "I'm the king of the world" on a particularly good day, there's a simple pleasure in using those instantly recognizable nuggets of dialogue.

I may or not may not have shouted "I'm king of the world!" as I rode the Zamboni last night.

And why not?

When some of the funniest, most dramatic, romantic and poignant words are spoken on the big screen, it's no wonder they stick with us long after the movie is finished.

It also turns out that using movie quotes in everyday conversation is akin to telling a joke and a way to form solidarity with others, according to a researcher who has actually studied why we like to cite films in social situations.

Gee willikers, really?

"People are doing it to feel good about themselves, to make others laugh, to make themselves laugh," said Richard Harris, a psychology professor at Kansas State University.

Slow down, Professor Turbo, I'm not following you. So when I say, "I caught you this delicious bass," I'm... trying to make someone... laugh? What if I really caught them a delicious bass? What then, Dr. Genius?

Harris decided to ask hundreds of young adults about their film-quoting habits after he and his graduate students realized it was a common behavior that no one had looked at closely before.

Does it really take a team of graduate students to tackle this question? People like to appropriate some of the good will that peers might have with the film in question, and show off their pop culture prowess. Next you'll be telling my we need to study why English lit majors like to quote Shakespeare. Don't get me wrong, I'm not criticizing the practice. I, myself, like to fish that pond often.

He found that all of the participants in his study had used movie quotes in conversation at one point or another. They overwhelmingly cited comedies, followed distantly by dramas and action adventure flicks.

As for horror films, musicals and children's movies, "fuh-get about it." They were hardly ever cited, Harris said.

Don't cite musical or children's movies? Last night alone I referenced "The Little Mermaid" at least two dozen times: "It's a dinglehopper!"

When asked about their emotions while quoting films, most people reported feeling happy, the study found.

If it made them feel sad/confused/depressed/angry/remorseful/fearful/exasperated do you think they'd do it? Side note: check out this fascinating (no, seriously) Wikipedia entry for "emotions."

For those who can't get enough of movie quotes, there are countless lists and trivia dedicated to them online. Depending on your budget and taste, you can buy T-shirts, mugs, games and posters featuring your favorites. Web sites like MovieQuotes.com allow users to submit film lines to a growing quote bank and take quizzes.

Some movies, like "The Godfather," "Casablanca" and "Gone With the Wind," seem infinitely quotable.

It's called "classic." Next you'll be telling me the Bible seems "infinitely quotable."

Others can produce a single unforgettable line that will define that film forever: "You can't handle the truth" from "A Few Good Men" and "I see dead people" from "The Sixth Sense."

I've always thought "You can't handle the truth!" to be overrated. The actual most quotable line from that movie is by Cmd. Gibbs: "Captain West, this is Lt. Commander Galloway. Jo, you know Mike Lawrence."

A number of Hollywood masterpieces can infuse a single word with meaning: Think "plastics" from "The Graduate" and "Rosebud" from "Citizen Kane."

"Citizen Kane" = GREAT movie. Despite my love of Simon and Garfunkel, I'm not a huge fan of "The Graduate."

Movie quotes can even be used to teach lessons in the unlikeliest places. A blog on JavaWorld.com recently took lines from movies such as "Jaws," "Jerry Maguire" and "The Princess Bride" and applied them to software development, of all things.

"My precious," the words uttered by Gollum in the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, for example, can teach programmers a valuable lesson, the blog said.

"In software development, it is good to take ownership of things," JavaWorld's blogger Dustin Marx wrote in explaining the quote's significance. "However, we can take it too far to where we refuse to admit anything is wrong with what we've done or insist ours is the only way to go."

Seriously? We're going here?

Like a food connoisseur pairing wines with meals, one man's fascination with memorable film lines led him to self-publish a book that advises readers which quotes would be perfect to use in which situations.

Jim Silverstein, author of "Movie Quotes to Get You Through Life," called the 14-year project a labor of love that grew out of his fondness for bantering in movie quotes with friends in college.

Silverstein -- a self-described "computer guy" who lives in suburban Chicago, Illinois -- began compiling his book in the early 1990s, watching hundreds of films and gathering more than 2,000 quotes in the process. The constant search for good lines made it hard for Silverstein to relax while watching films at home and annoyed his wife because he would frequently pause the movies to write down the lines, he said.

OK, this part is actually kind of cool.

Silverstein, 39, categorized the quotes under topic headings such as compliments, excuses and marriage. Readers looking for zingers have an especially big selection of movie lines to choose from; the insults category has nine subgroups, including appearance, intelligence and sex.

Journalistic aside - I've always been puzzled that journalists a whole like to stick people's ages in stories. Everybody does it. NYT, AP, everybody. It's not like it's relevant to the story. To me, you mights as well say, "Silverstein, a white, Jewish man of 39 who prefers swiss cheese to American or cheddar, categorized..." (Mr. Silverstein, I apologize if I offended you by assuming you're Jewish. Zay moykhl!)

Everyone loves movies, so citing them is a way to break the ice, Silverstein explained.

"I think it's a matter of lightening up conversation, maybe finding a better way to say it than you would have said yourself," Silverstein said.

"It's meant to help you be clever. ... Sometimes, when you don't know what to say, why not say what James Caan said? Why not pull out a Marlon Brando: 'Make me an offer I can't refuse'? Everybody understands."

Ahh... the trusty standby, "WWJD?" (What Would James (Caan) Do?)

Silverstein's own favorite quotes include lines from movies such as "Roxanne" and "Spinal Tap." But with some of his friends looking for work in a tough economy, he has become fond of citing a line from "Raising Arizona" to cheer them up: "You're young, and you've got your health; what [would] you want with a job?"

What? Not a single reference to Monty Python ("...then thou shalt count to three; no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four, shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three.)? Have they never met a male college student? Also, my dad LOVES "Raising Arizona." I can take it or leave it. What is Nic Cage's appeal?

Top 100 movie quotes (according to the American Film Institute)

I starred the ones I've seen. Because I know you were wondering. Wow, only 36. I have some work to do. Sadly, my personal favorite movie quote didn't make the list: "I was born a small black child" (Steve Martin, "The Jerk"). Wow. Lots of racial humor in the blog lately. Bad form, BK. Bad form.

1	"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a [darn]."	Clark Gable	Gone with the Wind	1939
*2	"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse."	Marlon Brando	The Godfather	1972
3	"You don't understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could've been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am."	Marlon Brando	On the Waterfront	1954
*4	"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."	Judy Garland	The Wizard of Oz	1939
5	"Here's looking at you, kid."	Humphrey Bogart	Casablanca	1942
6	"Go ahead, make my day."	Clint Eastwood	Sudden Impact	1983
7	"All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up."	Gloria Swanson	Sunset Boulevard	1950
*8	"May the Force be with you."	Harrison Ford	Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope	1977
9	"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."	Bette Davis	All About Eve	1950
10	"You talkin' to me?"	Robert De Niro	Taxi Driver	1976
11	"What we've got here is failure to communicate."	Strother Martin	Cool Hand Luke	1967
*12	"I love the smell of napalm in the morning!"	Robert Duvall	Apocalypse Now	1979
13	"Love means never having to say you're sorry."	Ali McGraw	Love Story	1970
*14	"The stuff that dreams are made of."^[7]	Humphrey Bogart	The Maltese Falcon	1941
*15	"E.T. phone home."	Pat Welsh	E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial	1982
16	"They call me Mister Tibbs!"	Sidney Poitier	In the Heat of the Night	1967
*17	"Rosebud."	Orson Welles	Citizen Kane	1941
18	"Made it, Ma! Top of the world!"	James Cagney	White Heat	1949
19	"I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"	Peter Finch	Network	1976
20	"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."	Humphrey Bogart	Casablanca	1942
*21	"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."	Anthony Hopkins	The Silence of the Lambs	1991
*22	"Bond. James Bond."	Sean Connery	Dr. No	1962
*23	"There's no place like home."	Judy Garland	The Wizard of Oz	1939
24	"I am big! It's the pictures that got small."	Gloria Swanson	Sunset Boulevard	1950
25	"Show me the money!"	Cuba Gooding Jr.	Jerry Maguire	1996
26	"Why don't you come up sometime and see me?"^[9]	Mae West	She Done Him Wrong	1933
27	"I'm walking here! I'm walking here!"	Dustin Hoffman	Midnight Cowboy	1969
28	"Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.'"	Ingrid Bergman	Casablanca	1942
*29	"You can't handle the truth!"	Jack Nicholson	A Few Good Men	1992
30	"I want to be alone."	Greta Garbo	Grand Hotel	1932
*31	"After all, tomorrow is another day!"	Vivien Leigh	Gone with the Wind	1939
32	"Round up the usual suspects."	Claude Rains	Casablanca	1942
*33	"I'll have what she's having."	Estelle Reiner	When Harry Met Sally...	1989
34	"You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."	Lauren Bacall	To Have and Have Not	1944
*35	"You're gonna need a bigger boat."	Roy Scheider	Jaws	1975
36	"Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!"	Alfonso Bedoya	The Treasure of the Sierra Madre	1948
*37	"I'll be back."	Arnold Schwarzenegger	The Terminator	1984
38	"Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth."	Gary Cooper	The Pride of the Yankees	1942
*39	"If you build it, he will come."	Ray Liotta (voice)	Field of Dreams	1989
*40	"Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."	Tom Hanks	Forrest Gump	1994
41	"We rob banks."	Warren Beatty	Bonnie and Clyde	1967
*42	"Plastics."	Walter Brooke	The Graduate	1967
43	"We'll always have Paris."	Humphrey Bogart	Casablanca	1942
44	"I see dead people."	Haley Joel Osment	The Sixth Sense	1999
45	"Stella! Hey, Stella!"	Marlon Brando	A Streetcar Named Desire	1951
46	"Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars."	Bette Davis	Now, Voyager	1942
47	"Shane. Shane. Come back!"	Brandon De Wilde	Shane	1953
48	"Well, nobody's perfect."	Joe E. Brown	Some Like It Hot	1959
49	"It's alive! It's alive!"	Colin Clive	Frankenstein	1931
*50	"Houston, we have a problem."	Tom Hanks	Apollo 13	1995
51	"You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"	Clint Eastwood	Dirty Harry	1971
52	"You had me at 'hello'."	Renée Zellweger	Jerry Maguire	1996
53	"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know."	Groucho Marx	Animal Crackers	1930
*54	"There's no crying in baseball!"	Tom Hanks	A League of Their Own	1992
55	"La-dee-da, la-dee-da."	Diane Keaton	Annie Hall	1977
56	"A boy's best friend is his mother."	Anthony Perkins	Psycho	1960
57	"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good."	Michael Douglas	Wall Street	1987
*58	"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer."	Al Pacino	The Godfather Part II	1974
*59	"As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again."	Vivien Leigh	Gone with the Wind	1939
60	"Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!"	Oliver Hardy	Sons of the Desert	1933
61	"Say hello to my little friend!"	Al Pacino	Scarface	1983
62	"What a dump."	Bette Davis	Beyond the Forest	1949
*63	"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?"	Dustin Hoffman	The Graduate	1967
64	"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"	Peter Sellers	Dr. Strangelove	1964
65	"Elementary, my dear Watson."	Basil Rathbone	The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes	1939
*66	"Take your stinking paws off me, you [darned] dirty ape!"	Charlton Heston	Planet of the Apes	1968
67	"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."	Humphrey Bogart	Casablanca	1942
68	"Here's Johnny!"	Jack Nicholson	The Shining	1980
69	"They're here!"	Heather O'Rourke	Poltergeist	1982
70	"Is it safe?"	Laurence Olivier	Marathon Man	1976
71	"Wait a minute, wait a minute. You ain't heard nothin' yet! Wait a minute, I tell ya! You ain't heard nothin'!"	Al Jolson	The Jazz Singer	1927
72	"No wire hangers, ever!"	Faye Dunaway	Mommie Dearest	1981
73	"Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?"	Edward G. Robinson	Little Caesar	1930
74	"Forget it, Jake, it's Chinatown."	Joe Mantell	Chinatown	1974
75	"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."	Vivien Leigh	A Streetcar Named Desire	1951
*76	"Hasta la vista, baby."	Arnold Schwarzenegger	Terminator 2: Judgment Day	1991
77	"Soylent Green is people!"	Charlton Heston	Soylent Green	1973
*78	"Open the pod bay doors, HAL."	Keir Dullea	2001: A Space Odyssey	1968
*79	Striker: "Surely you can't be serious!" Rumack: "I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."	Robert Hays and Leslie Nielsen	Airplane!	1980
*80	"Yo, Adrian!"	Sylvester Stallone	Rocky	1976
81	"Hello, gorgeous."	Barbra Streisand	Funny Girl	1968
*82	"Toga! Toga!"	John Belushi	National Lampoon's Animal House	1978
83	"Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make."	Bela Lugosi	Dracula	1931
84	"Oh, no, it wasn't the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast."	Robert Armstrong	King Kong	1933
*85	"My precious."	Andy Serkis	The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers	2002
86	"Attica! Attica!"	Al Pacino	Dog Day Afternoon	1975
87	"Sawyer, you're going out a youngster, but you've got to come back a star!"	Warner Baxter	42nd Street	1933
88	"Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!"	Katharine Hepburn	On Golden Pond	1981
89	"Tell 'em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper."	Pat O'Brien	Knute Rockne, All American	1940
*90	"Shaken, not stirred."	Sean Connery^[8]	Goldfinger^[30]	1964
*91	"Who's on First?"	Bud Abbott	The Naughty Nineties	1945
*92	"Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac…It's in the hole! It's in the hole! It's in the hole!!"	Bill Murray	Caddyshack	1980
93	"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!"	Rosalind Russell	Auntie Mame	1958
*94	"I feel the need—the need for speed!"	Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards	Top Gun	1986
*95	"Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."	Robin Williams	Dead Poets Society	1989
96	"Snap out of it!"	Cher	Moonstruck	1987
97	"My mother thanks you. My father thanks you. My sister thanks you. And I thank you."	James Cagney	Yankee Doodle Dandy	1942
98	"Nobody puts 'Baby' in a corner."	Patrick Swayze	Dirty Dancing	1987
*99	"I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"	Margaret Hamilton	The Wizard of Oz	1939
100	"I'm the king of the world!"	Leonardo DiCaprio	Titanic	1997

Ice Ice Baby

2009-03-09T08:25:00.007-05:00

What has two thumbs and rode a Zamboni last night?

This guy [points thumbs at himself]. Needless to say, it was - in the words of Barney Stinson - legend- wait for it... I hope you're not lactose intolerant... -dary!

Notice how fleet-footed and nimble I am as I successfully jump astride the powerful and efficient Model 445, much as the noble cheetah that pounces on the cuddly baby gazelle. I'm also proud to report that I did NOT faceplant during the dismount.

Say Hallo to my Leetle Friend!

2009-03-09T08:15:00.006-05:00

His name is Al (?) The Hockey Puck and he almost gave me a black eye and a bloody lip last night at the game. And no, I'm not just saying that because he's black. Sorry. That was offensive.

AAAAAAAAAAACK!!

2009-03-09T08:13:00.001-05:00

Best. Job. Ever.

2009-03-04T19:25:00.002-06:00

Seriously, how jealous does this make you? Stupid lucky Finns.

Security Breach!

2009-02-27T15:16:00.003-06:00

(click to enlarge)

'Cause I'm the Tax Man

2009-02-27T11:01:00.004-06:00

When I went to bed last night, my checking account had a balance $2.10. This morning when I woke up, it was $2,921.13.

It's the highest my balance has been in recent memory (maybe ever), thanks to pay day, a 34-cent bank error in my favor and my 2009 IRS refund.

I enjoy tax season. I've never been a math wiz, but I feel smart figuring my own taxes and I enjoy receiving large refunds. (Yes, I'm aware that refunds are for idiots. Smart people with good financial sense figure out exactly how much they have to pay in so their tax balance come April 15 is $0. If you're really smart you don't pay any taxes out of your paycheck, keeping it all and socking the money you will eventually pay into a high-yield money market account. To pay in extra just so you get a four-figure surprise every Spring is simply giving Uncle Sam a zero interest loan. You dumb peon.) To that I offer this argument: Shut up. Some of know the levels of discipline we're capable of, and it's a whole lot easier for me to do the right thing with a large amount of money than it is for me to do the right thing with a small amount 24 times a year.

So what are the right things? Well, last year I financed a road trip to Syracuse and dropped $500 on a stupid-yet-insanely-loud-and-fun toy. OK, so those aren't really smart things, but I had fun so again my retort is shut up, Poindexter. But this year I'm actually being semi-responsible. I brought my "emergency fund" up to snuff, wrote a check to my church to help send a group of college students to El Salvador for a mission trip cut my Sallie Mae balance in half with one fell swoop. Sure, my student loan balance was never that high, but it feels good make a dent.

Once I tack on my state refund and continue making regular monthly payments, I'll have it paid off by my birthday. Roll that extra money into my monthly payment for loan from the MBCU upstairs, and the snowball will have me debt-free (except for the house) by this time next year.

Huzzah! Now I just need to start thinking about how I can celebrating by blowing my 2010 tax refund.

Awesome

2009-02-27T10:48:00.003-06:00

Nothing says "I don't agree with the stimulus/bailout" like a black-and-white bumper sticker. Touche Tennessee Republicans. Touche.

How Dumb Can You Get? Oh Wait, They're in California

2009-02-27T08:28:00.001-06:00

OK This isn't Funny. Seriously, Who Rigged my Results?

2009-02-24T13:36:00.003-06:00

From the files of Everyone Intelligent Seems to Hate it But I Enjoy it Anyway, I present Google Brian. I'm not sure where/why/how this meme flowered into being, it's at least twice as good as the iTunes shuffle thing but still not quite up to the level of 25 Things. Just Google "[your first name] needs" and see what "you" well, need.

Apparently, the aggregate wisdom of the Internet believes that I need the following:

Brian needs to work out
Brian needs a new Mac
Brian needs a new job
Brian needs your vote
Brian needs food, badly
Brian needs a theme song
Brian needs a new ride, son
Brian needs the security of a family
Brian needs a break from marketing
Brian needs a lesson in humility

Obama did WHAT? Oh it is ON now.

2009-02-19T13:18:00.003-06:00

Via the London Telegraph
By Tim Shipman in Washington

A bust of the former prime minister once voted the greatest Briton in history, which was loaned to George W Bush from the Government's art collection after the September 11 attacks, has now been formally handed back.

The bronze by Sir Jacob Epstein, worth hundreds of thousands of pounds if it were ever sold on the open market, enjoyed pride of place in the Oval Office during President Bush's tenure.

But when British officials offered to let Mr Obama to hang onto the bust for a further four years, the White House said: "Thanks, but no thanks."

Diplomats were at first reluctant to discuss the whereabouts of the Churchill bronze, after its ejection from the seat of American power. But the British Embassy in Washington has now confirmed that it sits in the palatial residence of ambassador Sir Nigel Sheinwald, just down the road from Vice President Joe Biden's official residence. It is not clear whether the ambassador plans to keep it in Washington or send it back to London.

American politicians have made quoting Churchill, whose mother was American, something of an art form, but not Mr Obama, who prefers to cite the words and works of his hero Abraham Lincoln. Indeed a bust of Mr Lincoln now sits in the Oval Office where Epstein's Churchill once ruled the roost.

Churchill has less happy connotations for Mr Obama than those American politicians who celebrate his wartime leadership. It was during Churchill's second premiership that Britain suppressed Kenya's Mau Mau rebellion. Among Kenyans allegedly tortured by the colonial regime included one Hussein Onyango Obama, the President's grandfather.

The rejection of the bust has left some British officials nervously reading the runes to see how much influence the UK can wield with the new regime in Washington.

Now it is likely that Gordon Brown will offer a alternative symbol of Anglo-American fealty when he visits Washington to meet Mr Obama for the first time since he became President. Diplomats are still working to finalise a date for the visit which is expected in the final week of this month or early in March.

One suggestion, given Mr Obama's interest in the Lincoln era, is that Mr Brown should offer an artefact relating to the career of John Bright, the 19th Century MP and political reformer who became the most prominent British supporter of Lincoln's Union forces during the American Civil War.

A British Embassy spokesman said: "The bust of Sir Winston Churchill by Sir Jacob Epstein was uniquely lent to a foreign head of state, President George W Bush, from the Government Art Collection in the wake of 9/11 as a signal of the strong transatlantic relationship.

"It was lent for the first term of office of President Bush. When the President was elected for his second and final term, the loan was extended until January 2009.

"The new President has decided not to continue this loan and the bust has now been returned. It is on display at the Ambassador's Residence."

Mascot FAIL

2009-02-19T10:03:00.005-06:00

I have a long-standing reputation for embracing all manner of crazy, goofy sports mascots. Philly Phanatic? Love 'im. The Phoenix Suns' Gorilla? Gorill-awesome. When I was in elementary school, I wanted to grow up to be L'il Red. But as much as I love suiting up and acting like an idiot in front of thousands of screaming fans, I draw the line at the bizarre Grizzly Adams/Bison hybrid that is the new mascot of the OKC Thunder, Rumble.

I guess I should cut them some slack. It is hard to come up with an anthropomorphic and/or hairy representation of "thunder" and I and you can never go wrong with bison. But does his "mane" have to be so... how would you describe it? Flowing? It makes me think of Native American hippie. A Native American hippie who wants to dunk on me, beat the drums and bust a move with the Thunder Girls. Furry arms and legs are one thing, but actual hair like that on a mascot is just weird. Even Chewbacca would be freaked out by this guy. You can't see it from the picture above, but he has a ridiculous long tail that swings almost to his knees. You can see it on in the video below.

That's all well and good, Brian, but what about Rumble's back story? Once we get to know the guy, we might learn to love him. What makes him tick? Has he ever been to the Arbuckles? Would he heed Gary England's warnings and seek shelter in a storm (hint: no)? The answers and so so much more are all there in Rumble's Origin story. Oh, it's a titillating tale full of drama, danger and intrigue, I assure you. I smell a movie here, people. Somebody get me Jerry Bruckheimer.

From Rumble's official website:

For hundreds of years the tale has been told around Native American campfires. A great heard of American Bison was lost in the Arbuckle Mountains during a ferocious storm – the kind only Oklahoma can produce.

Hail fell and tornadoes spun all around the herd as they stampeded, trying to find their way down to the safety of the plains.

One lone bison stayed behind as he helped each of his friends escape down a treacherous ravine… once all of his friends were safe he began his descent, only to find his way blocked by fallen boulders.

Lost, he climbed to the tallest peak; left to face the storm alone and searching for a way down the mountain, he was struck by a bolt of lightning.

The bolt did not destroy him, but, by the power of the god of thunder, changed him. Suddenly, he walked on two legs like a man. He possessed amazing strength and agility – he could jump higher, run faster, think more clearly than any beast.

But because he was longer just a bison – and yet not a man – he was alone.

With many sighting, the legend grew through the years, of a mighty bison, with remarkable powers, roaming the hills alone.

Not until a group of men who carried similar powers came to Oklahoma City did he find somewhere he belonged. These men also possessed the power to jump higher, run faster, and perform acrobatic dunks more spectacular than anyone in the land. They too carried the road of Thunder every time they took to the court.

So he joined their team. And the new legend of Rumble was born.

Man, and I thought I was comma happy. I'd love to see the first draft of that story.

Oh, and be sure you add Rumble's Blog to your list of daily must-reads!

Awesome

2009-02-17T10:28:00.002-06:00

Sure, I guess we could be thankful to Anheuser-Busch. They donated cases and cases of canned H2O to Missouri Baptist Disaster Relief efforts during last week's ice storm in the Boot Heel. But I, for one, am offended they gave out the dented cans. On the plus side, the inferior quality of the aluminum used may make it easier for me to crush the can on my forehead.

Re: My Car

2009-02-14T15:30:00.004-06:00

Memorandum

Date: 2.14.08
To: The Two Little Old Ladies I "Met" Yesterday

From: Brian
Re: My Car

Dear Ma'am(s):
Thank you for your recent compliments regarding my car. I assure you that when I was car shopping, I was looking for something that would appeal to your exact demographic. Little Old Lady #1, it thrilled my soul to no end when you rolled down your window at the drive-through and motioned for me to do the same. I thought maybe you were trying to tell me I had a flat tire or something but no, you just wanted to tell me I had an awesome whip and lay to rest any lingering doubts that it was indeed a chick magnet. Little Old Lady #2, I blush when I think you took time out from returning your shopping cart to the Wal-Mart cart corrall to tell me I had a sweet ride. I had just about come down from yesterday's high and you picked me right back up. Thanks again!

- Brian

Just looking is 1400 calories

2009-02-09T12:01:00.003-06:00

As a follow up to this award-winning post, I offer you the newest breakthrough in obesity technology: The Double Bacon Cheeseburger Fatty Melt.

Oh No They Di-ent

2009-02-05T09:25:00.008-06:00

Bust out the pitchforks and light the torches because I'm starting a riot. They've "updated" It's a Small World. Obama, I put this "change" squarely on your shoulders.

More than 40 years after the "It's A Small World" ride opened to promote world peace and showcase the cultures of the world, Disney is populating one of its most beloved attractions with its own trademark vision of the planet: Aladdin, Nemo, Ariel and more than two dozen cartoon characters plucked from its movies.

What, world peace isn't good enough now? We have to add mermaids and product placement to the rich tapestry that is humanity? It couldn't possibly get any worse. Oh wait. It can:
And those aren't the only changes visitors will find Thursday when the ride reopens:

Disney has woven a few bars from some of its hit soundtracks into the classic "Small World" melody and added a new America section that includes a nod to Los Angeles' famous Hollywood Bowl, a quaint farm scene and "Toy Story" characters.

Should you choose to read more about this abomination, feel free. I suggest your time would be better spent watching this video. My inner child is officially dead.

25 Things About Brian OR The DMV's 25 Coolest Brothers of All Time

2009-02-02T23:19:00.001-06:00

I did a quick Google search for "25" and this is what I got.

1. One of my only true “life goals” is to set foot on all seven continents (including Antarctica) before I turn 30. I’ve knocked out North America, Europe and Africa. There is some small dispute as to whether I’ve been to Asia (Russia) or South America (Panama). Just to be safe, I don’t count them. If I haven’t accomplished this goal by June 15, 2012, I plan on taking out a large loan and hitting them all at once, ala Around the World in 80 Days. Another goal: See Paul Simon perform live.

2. I love both NPR and Rush Limbaugh.

3. I have never seen Titanic. God willing, I never will.

4. My secret shame: I enjoy watching E!.

5. Last year I saw 53 movies, spending more than four days in movie theaters. I only bought popcorn twice.

6. I have met and interviewed Ben Stein. He wore Chuck Taylors with his suit.

7. I do not make friends quickly or easily. I am too reticent, then suddenly realize it and subsequently try too hard.

8. My greatest character flaw (to the extent that I am able to see and identify such things in myself) is that I am a fence-sitter. I prefer to call it “thoughtful and easygoing.” I think I would be a better (or at least more exciting) person if I were more decisive. I'd do it, but I'd have to carefully weigh the pros and cons...

9. I broke my arm on my 16th birthday in a rather spectacular four-wheeler stunt gone wrong. It made getting my license and driving my 5-speed rather difficult.

10. I have a horrible memory for names. I would have forgotten my own roommate's name my junior year if he hadn't been named Brian.

11. I have an unnatural affection for postcards. I have sent my sister a postcard everyday she has been at OBU. I do not know what I will do when she graduates in May. (I will have sent more than 850.) As for my own collection, I have received postcards from 34 countries and about as many states.

12. Dr Pepper is my non-water beverage of choice, although I have not had one in 2009 as Step 1 in the 12sBBaWLP (12-Step Brian Betterment and Weight Loss Program). Despite my affinity for the good Doctor, I collect Coca-Cola bottles from around the world. I have bottles of various shapes, sizes and languages from USA, Mexico, Canada, Panama, Malawi, South Africa, France, England, Spain, Hungary, Romania, Holland, Russia and Iraq.

13. I am fiercely loyal to my home state of Oklahoma and cannot wait to move back there. The Joads were nothing but a bunch of lazy quitters who spit in the eye of Paradise on Earth. Boomer Sooner!

14. Grammar, spelling, editing and proofreading are not listed among my list of many many talents (and yet I pursued a career as a journalist?). Strangely, I am quite adept at compound modifiers.

15. I will probably never finish my master’s degree. Unless I decide to quit my job and move to Kansas City. I will probably never finish my master’s degree.

16. Pepperoni is the ultimate lunch meat.

17. Speaking of pepperoni… It makes my blood boil when pizza buffets do not have a steady and constant supply of pepperoni. It is the single most popular topping in the nation and there is no excuse for a buffet to ever be without a pepperoni pie. There is also no excuse for putting a single pepperoni pizza out and being surprised that it is gone in 12 seconds. I have walked out of several pizza establishments without paying when the buffet’s variety or supply has not met my standards. "You should just ask and I'm sure they'd bring one out for you." No, I shouldn't have to ask. It's a simple law of nature, people: Americans love pepperoni. How hard is it to grasp that? I have since stopped going all together, and the mere mention of them raises my blood pressure. Gah, people. Seriously.

18. I have a perfect driving record, excepting two tickets this summer for having “illegal vision reduction material” (i.e.: the state of Missouri thinks my window tint is too dark). The cost of the ticket for such an offense is more than twice what I would have paid for going 14 over in a 60 mph zone. I do not count those two tickets and still consider driving record to be perfect.

19. I have worn glasses since I was in third grade, and cannot imagine my life without them. I tried contacts for a few weeks when I was 16 (the same week I broke my arm, in fact), but preferred spectacles.

20. My greatest fear is that I hit my peak too early in life.

21. I have been to Space Camp. The 1986 film of the same name is a surprisingly accurate portrayal of the experience. I have an awesome video of the 12-year-old me in various simulators decked out in Carolina Panther fan-wear sporting epic chapped lips and an extreme southern accent.

22. In college I had surgery on my nose to help prevent snoring. The procedure was an epic failure as I remained a snorer of Olympic caliber. However, the surgery did have an awesome name: septoplasty and partial turbinectomy. I have since started using a CPAP machine and am sleeping like a baby.

23. If I were to suddenly come into a large sum of money, I would get my pilot’s license.

24. I very much enjoy choosing and giving gifts. It is without a doubt my “love language.”

25. I think “Apollos” would be an awesome name for my first-born son. Not “Apoll-o,” but “Apoll-os.” It comes from several verses in the New Testament, among them Acts. 18:24 (“A Jew named Apollos, a native Alexandrian, an eloquent man who was powerful in the Scriptures, arrived in Ephesus”). For short we could call him “Paul” or “Paulie” and thus honor my father.

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time!

2009-02-02T22:59:00.005-06:00

1. Put your iPod/iTunes/Zune on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"Cherry Cherry" - Neil Diamond (You know, I bet he does an awesome live show)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Walk on By" - Cake

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL
"Fluorescent" - Gwyn Stefani

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"Theme from Fresh Prince" - Will Smith

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Find Me Somebody to Love" - Queen

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"He" - Jars of Clay

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Oh come on. "Material Girl" - Madonna

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"Love is Only a Feeling" - The Darkness

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
"Friends Will Be Friends" - Queen

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Tragedy" - The Bee Gees

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Rapper's Delight" - Sugar Hill Gang

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Why Don't We Do it in the Road?" - Dana Fuchs (Across the Universe Soundtrack)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Feel Like Making Love" - Bad Company

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Ride 'Em Cowboys" - OSU Band

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"I'm So Lonesome I Could Die" - Johnny Cash

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"She Loves You" - The Beatles

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Winter Wonderland" - The Carpenters

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Another Saturday Night" - David Petete

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Saved By the Bell" - The Bee Gees

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"I Knew You When" - Donny Osmond

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Sweet Home Chicago" - The Blues Brothers

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Little Boxes" - Malvina Reynolds

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Love is not a Competition" - Kaiser Chiefs

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
"Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" - Paul McCartney

Oh give me a - wait is that Darhma at 1:02?

2009-02-02T15:55:00.001-06:00

Well I've Never been to Heaven...

2009-02-02T13:34:00.000-06:00

Joyeux Jour sans Fin!

2009-02-02T13:09:00.002-06:00

No Thanks

2009-02-02T10:22:00.008-06:00

Here is the Ultimate Super Bowl Leftover Menu, suggested by Maxim. Just so you know, I'm not a regular reader of the publication, but stumbled to their site by clicking on a picture of the Nacho Burrito Pizza at www.cnn.com.

6-Foot French Toast

Ingredients:
1 2-inch-thick slice of sub sandwich, preferably without lettuce or tomato
1 large egg
2 tablespoons butter
1 cup milk
Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:
Whip the egg into the milk. Dip the sandwich into the milk mixture and place into the pan with melted butter on low to medium heat. Cook until brown and amazing.

Bacon Cheese Dog

Ingredients:
1 hot dog
1 slice of thick-cut bacon
1 can of spray cheese
1/2 cup milk
1 cup flour

Instructions:
This one is a little work-intensive, so be ready to buckle down. First take the center out of the hot dog with an apple corer, if you have access to one. If not, just cut out the middle with a knife. Fill the cavity with the spray cheese and us e the hot dog you removed from the middle as a cap to keep the cheese in. Wrap the bacon around the hot dog and deep-fry for two to four minutes or until bacon is cooked.

Dab them dry with a paper towel (so the batter will stick). Mix the milk with the flour until it reaches a thick, but lump-free consistency. Dip the dogs in the batter, coating the dog completely, and deep-fry on high heat for two to three minutes or until brown and deadly. NOTE: Don't fry them too long or all of the cheese will explode out into the oil. That's very bad.

Buffalo Chicken Bleu Cheese and Potato Chip Balls

Ingredients:
1 cup chicken wing meat removed from the bone (Use a knife or your hands and not your mouth. It'll be better for everyone)
1 cup crushed potato chips (We had the ridgey kind, not the fancy kettle kind)
1 cup crumbled blue cheese
Any cream-based dip (Onion, Ranch, etc.)

Instructions:
Preheat oven at 350 degrees. Debone chicken, and then mix it in a large bowl with blue cheese and potato chips. If the chicken is particularly dry, add a little dip to make the mixture tacky. Roll the mixture into balls and place them three inches apart on a large greased sheet pan. Place in oven and bake for 15 to 18 minutes. Serve with dip.

Macaroni and Cheese and Mini-Hotdog Tiramasu

Ingredients:
1 pound cooked pasta (Any kind will work, so whatever you have left over from making macaroni salad or pasta salad will work)
3 cups cubed cheese (Again, whatever kind will work. Just try to pick the pieces no one sneezed on)
2 cups milk
1/4 cup flour

Instructions:
Mix flour into milk with a wooden spoon over low to medium heat. C ut cheese into very small pieces and use your hands to mix it in with the macaroni. Put half of the macaroni mixture into an 8-inch cake pan. Put a layer of mini–hot dogs over the bottom layer of macaroni. Put the rest of the pasta on to p of the hot dogs, then poor the milk mixture evenly over the entire thing. Bake for eight to 10 minutes. Add hot dog buns on the outside and red pepper dust to the top for effect.

Nacho Burrito Pizza

Ingredients:
1 14-inch premade pizza
1 cup crushed tortilla chips
1 cup grated cheese
1 pound ground beef cooked with taco seasoning
1 1/2 cup sour cream
12 jalepeño poppers

Instructions:
If the pizza is raw, cook it, but don't burn it. Take fresh nacho ingredients like we did or a plate of old, leftover nachos and make a line right down the center of the pizza. Apply jalepeño poppers. Then carefully wrap the pizza around the filling, leaving one end open for presentation.

Mattel, What Have You Done to my Beloved GI Joe?

2009-02-02T08:36:00.004-06:00

My personal Top 3? In no particular order:

Koala violence is never funny. No wait. It is.
The people at Doritos know physical comedy is a winner.
Conventional and not all that creative. But funny.
Honorable Mention: Alec Baldwin is an alien, but a hilarious alien. Was he wearing lipstick? Great slogan Hulu, great slogan. I tip my hat to you.

My Bottom 3?

The trailers for GI Joe, Star Trek and Race to Witch Mountain
Dishonorable Mention: Anything mentioning Heroes or anything shot in 3D.

Say it Ain't So!

2009-01-29T13:28:00.005-06:00

Stolen from Natalie Dee

This story makes this seem like an OK idea.

Postmaster General: Mail days may need to be cut

By RANDOLPH E. SCHMID

WASHINGTON (AP) — Massive deficits could force the post office to cut out one day of mail delivery, the postmaster general told Congress on Wednesday, in asking lawmakers to lift the requirement that the agency deliver mail six days a week. If the change happens, that doesn't necessarily mean an end to Saturday mail delivery. Previous post office studies have looked at the possibility of skipping some other day when mail flow is light, such as Tuesday.

Faced with dwindling mail volume and rising costs, the post office was $2.8 billion in the red last year. "If current trends continue, we could experience a net loss of $6 billion or more this fiscal year," Potter said in testimony for a Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs subcommittee.

Total mail volume was 202 billion items last year, over 9 billion less than the year before, the largest single volume drop in history.

And, despite annual rate increases, Potter said 2009 could be the first year since 1946 that the actual amount of money collected by the post office declines.

"It is possible that the cost of six-day delivery may simply prove to be unaffordable," Potter said. "I reluctantly request that Congress remove the annual appropriation bill rider, first added in 1983, that requires the Postal Service to deliver mail six days each week."

"The ability to suspend delivery on the lightest delivery days, for example, could save dollars in both our delivery and our processing and distribution networks. I do not make this request lightly, but I am forced to consider every option given the severity of our challenge," Potter said.

That doesn't mean it would happen right away, he noted, adding that the agency is working to cut costs and any final decision on changing delivery would have to be made by the postal governing board.

If it did become necessary to go to five-day delivery, Potter said, "we would do this by suspending delivery on the lightest volume days."

The Postal Service raised the issue of cutting back on days of service last fall in a study it issued. At that time the agency said the six-day rule should be eliminated, giving the post office, "the flexibility to meet future needs for delivery frequency.

A study done by George Mason University last year for the independent Postal Regulatory Commission estimated that going from six-day to five-day delivery would save the post office more than $1.9 billion annually, while a Postal Service study estimated the saving at $3.5 billion.

The next postal rate increase is scheduled for May, with the amount to be announced next month. Under current rules that would be limited to the amount of the increase in last year's consumer price index, 3.8 percent. That would round to a 2-cent increase in the current 42-cent first class rate.

The agency could request a larger increase because of the special circumstances, but Potter believes that would be counterproductive by causing mail volume to fall even more.

Dan G. Blair, chairman of the Postal Regulatory Commission, noted in his testimony that cutting service could also carry the risk of loss of mail volume. He suggested Congress review both delivery and restrictions it imposed on the closing of small and rural post offices.

The post office's problem is twofold, Potter explained.

"A revolution in the way people communicate has structurally changed the way America uses the mail," with a shift from first-class letters to the Internet for personal communications, billings, payments, statements and business correspondence.

To some extent that was made up for my growth in standard mail — largely advertising — but the economic meltdown has resulted in a drop there also.

Potter also asked that Congress ease the requirement that it make advance payments into a fund to cover future health benefits for retirees. Last year the post office was required to put $5.6 billion into the fund.

"We are in uncharted waters," Potter said. "But we do know that mail volume and revenue — and with them the health of the mail system — are dependent on the length and depth of the current economic recession."

He proposed easing the retirement pre-funding for eight years, while promising that the agency will cover the premiums for retirement health insurance.

At the same hearing the General Accounting Office agreed that the post office is facing an urgent need for help to preserve its financial strength. But the GAO suggested easing the pre-funding requirement for only two years, with Congress to determine the need for more relief later.

Potter noted that the agency has cut costs by $1 billion per year since 2002, reduced its work force by 120,000, halted construction of new facilities except in emergencies, frozen executive salaries and is in the process of reducing its headquarters work force by 15 percent.

Aretha Franklin's Understudy

2009-01-29T10:04:00.002-06:00

Child! This had me laughing for a solid four minutes.

www.Raahe.Fi

2009-01-27T19:49:00.003-06:00

What, exactly, is the modern, cosmopolitan hippo-about-town wearing to this season's formal dinner parties and premiers? I’m glad you asked.

Reasons #36,421, #36,422 and #36,423 why Oklahoma Rocks

2009-01-26T14:07:00.007-06:00

Via CNN, Bureau of Labor Statistics, Center on Budget and Spending Priorities, and Mortgage Banker's of America Association.Oklahoma's Unemployment Rate: 4.7 percent

National Average (via BoLS): 7.2 percent

Oklahoma's 2009 Budget Deficit: $0
National Average: $821 million per state (California alone: $13.8 billion)

Oklahoma's Foreclosure Rate: 2.12 percent
National Rate: 2.31 percent

So So Awesome!

2009-01-22T20:39:00.005-06:00

What could possibly make this cheeseburger any cooler? Mate it with a bed.

God Bless America!

Psalm 20

2009-01-21T07:28:00.001-06:00

Psalm 20
For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.

2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

Seurat Would Be Proud

2009-01-20T15:30:00.009-06:00

I am nothing if not on the cutting edge of the ever-evolving artistic landscape. With that in mind, I present to you a new avant garde genre of art: Bubblefiti.

Bubblefiti (bubbles + graffiti) is an organic and totally original technique (though it does bear some resemblance to pointillism, and there's a wee bit of chromoluminarism tossed in for good measure). It was pioneered by my father (as he doodled on the paper covering our table at Garfield's this Christmas), but my sister and I have taken it to a new level and created the definitive works of the method.

What, exactly, is Bubblefiti and how can you, the faithful reader, hitch a ride on this unstoppable freight train straight to artistic excellence? It's easy. You take a crayon and draw a few tiny bubbles (Kelly says they're actually called "grubbles"). Then you pick up a different crayon and draw a few more. It's that simple! And it's that's fun!

It's even better if you can trade canvasses (posterboard or postcards cut from said posterboard) with someone (say, your sister), and let the other artistic genius riff on what you've just created and vice versa. With some free time and freely flowing creative juices, you just might be lucky enough to come up with what the good folks at the Louvre are calling "the most important event in art to come out of Brian's basement this century."

The other fun thing is that when you create such masterpeices, you get to give them artsy-fartsy names. For example, we christened the posterboard piece above "Simian's Summit." Other names in our collections (links below) include Macro, Interrogative, (Polychromasia)(Polychromasia)(Polychromasia), 120/80, Aurelia, Cheshire, Unlimited Nights and Weekends, Rx, Darn the Torpedoes, Garbanzo and McFerrin.

And yes, we are accepting commissions and orders. Vive le Bubblefiti!

Bubblefiti Collection 1
Bubblefiti Collection 2

Where is Robert Frost When You Need Him?

2009-01-20T15:07:00.006-06:00

No one has ever called me a great poet (unless you count that one time when I won that Father's Day poetry contest sponsored by the Purcell Register back in '89). That said, I'm pretty gosh darned sure I could have banged out a better chunk of free verse to commemorate Obama's ascension to the throne. Like I said, I'm not particularly accomplished at composing verse and it's very true that I've been known to end a sentence with a preposition. But I don't have three degrees from Ivy League universities , nor have I been a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize.

Praise song for the day
By Elizabeth Alexander

Each day we go about our business, walking past each other, catching each others' eyes or not, about to speak or speaking.

All about us is noise. All about us is noise and bramble, thorn and din, each one of our ancestors on our tongues.

Someone is stitching up a hem, darning a hole in a uniform, patching a tire, repairing the things in need of repair. Someone is trying to make music somewhere with a pair of wooden spoons on an oil drum with cello, boom box, harmonica, voice.

A woman and her son wait for the bus.

A farmer considers the changing sky; A teacher says, "Take out your pencils. Begin."

We encounter each other in words, words spiny or smooth, whispered or declaimed; words to consider, reconsider. We cross dirt roads and highways that mark the will of someone and then others who said, "I need to see what's on the other side; I know there's something better down the road." We need to find a place where we are safe; We walk into that which we cannot yet see.

Say it plain, that many have died for this day. Sing the names of the dead who brought us here, who laid the train tracks, raised the bridges, picked the cotton and the lettuce, built brick by brick the glittering edifices they would then keep clean and work inside of.

Praise song for struggle; praise song for the day. Praise song for every hand-lettered sign; The figuring it out at kitchen tables. Some live by "Love thy neighbor as thy self." Others by first do no harm, or take no more than you need. What if the mightiest word is love, love beyond marital, filial, national. Love that casts a widening pool of light. Love with no need to preempt grievance. In today's sharp sparkle, this winter air, anything can be made, any sentence begun. On the brink, on the brim, on the cusp - praise song for walking forward in that light.

Robert Frost she ain't. Here's my humble submission:

A Poem for the New President
By BK

There once was a man named Barack,
Republicans' aims he did block,
American's hopes he engendered,
He won in November,
And now I start fretting 'round the clock.

I'm just riffin' here. Gimme a few months and an audience of millions and I will probably do better.

Survey Says...

2009-01-20T11:43:00.004-06:00

What time did you get up this morning? 7 a.m. on the dot
Diamonds or pearls? Meh
What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Spirit
What is your favorite TV show? Arrested Development, 30 Rock, Good Eats, M*A*S*H, King of the Hill, Monk
What do you usually have for breakfast? I don't
What is your middle name? Killis
What food do you dislike? Banana
What is your favorite CD at moment? Endless Summer, The Beach Boys
What kind of car do you drive? 2002 Chevy Monte Carlo SS
Favorite sandwich? Turkey and cheese
What characteristic do you despise? arrogance
Favorite item of clothing? t-shirts
If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? A sweet-week, multi-nation trip that circumnavigates the globe (US to Rome to Cairo to New Delhi to Beijing to Tokyo to Sydney to Ushuia, to Antarctica and back to the US). Wait, that doesn't sound too relaxing. But to me, travel isn't really about R & R; it's about doing things. If I want to rest, I'll either stay home or go to Oklahoma.
Favorite brand of clothing? n/a
Where would you retire to? somewhere in Oklahoma
Favorite sport to watch? College football
Furthest place you are sending this? n/a
Person you expect to send it back first? n/a
When is your birthday? Jun. 15, except in 2004, when it was April 15.
Are you a morning person or a night person? night
What is your shoe size? 11
Pets? No
Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? nope
What did you want to be when you were little? Architect, advertising exec
How are you today? Not too shabby
What is your favorite candy? M&Ms, Reese's, Hershey bars, Fifth Avenues
What is your favorite flower? meh
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? I don't know. June 15?
What are you listening to right now? Radio coverage of the inauguration
What was the last thing you ate? some oyster crackers last night
Do you wish on stars? No
If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Blue (plain blue)
How is the weather right now? Snowing!
The first person you spoke to on the phone today? No one yet, but I did leave a voice mail for Gary up on the 6th floor
Favorite soft drink? Dr (no period) Pepper
Favorite restaurant? Ted's, Chili's, Sonic
Real hair color? Brownish?
What was your favorite toy as a child? GI Joes
Summer or winter? Winter
Hugs or kisses? Probably hugs
Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
Coffee or tea? water
When was the last time you cried? This morning, listening to a 3rd grader say the Pledge of Allegiance on the radi0. I tear up pretty easily.
What is under your bed? dust bunnies, Bogeyman
What did you do last night? colored, watched TV
What are you afraid of? heights, kittens, secretaries, drowning, our new president
Salty or sweet? Salty
How many keys on your key ring? 9
How many years at your current job? 3.5
Favorite day of the week? Friday
How many towns have you lived in? 6 (Washington, Durant, Bartlesville, Shawnee, Oklahoma City, Jefferson City)
Do you make friends easily? Not really, no
How many people will you send this to? gazillions
What is your current occupation? staff writer for a small religious newspaper
What color is your underwear? Grey
Have you ever dyed your hair? no
Do you wear contacts or glasses? glassess
Pets? none, although there was a puppy looking cute outside my garage yesterday
Favorite month? December
Favorite food? Chicken-Fried Steak
Favorite day of the year? Thanksgiving Day
What do you do to vent anger? drive
How many times have you been in love? none, i think
Cherry or Blueberry? Blueberry
What is on the floor of your closet? shoe boxes, other boxes, a rather large oxygen condenser that attaches to my sleep mask
Favorite smell? bacon, onion burgers
Who inspires you? God, my family friends,
Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? cheese
Favorite car? my current car (if it had a supercharger AND rear wheel drive AND a manual transmission), an early 70s Triumph TR6
Siblings? 1
Eye color? hazel-ish
Innie or Outie: innie
What are you wearing right now? Khakis, blue shirt with company logo
Righty or lefty? righty
Favorites
Number: 17
Boys name: Apollos, Andy
Girls Name: don't laugh, but i like the name "Arabella"
Juice: Orange
Breakfast: homemade: biscuits and gravy; on the go: mcdonald's sausage biscuit and hashbrowns

Have You Ever...
Smoked: no
Bungee jumped: no
Made yourself throw up: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Broken a bone: yes (on my 16th birthday)
Played Truth or Dare: Nope. I missed out
Been in a police car: yes
Been on a plane: yes, seeming hundreds of times
Came close to dying: not that I can think of
Been in a sauna: yes
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: yes
Fallen asleep in school: only once that I remember, in Economics
Broken someone's heart: don't think so
Cried when someone died: yes
Cried in school: yes
Fell off your chair: yes, more often that is normal, I fear
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: no
Saved AIM conversation: yes
Saved e-mails: yes
Made out with just a friend: nope
Been cheated on: no

Ever Had...

Chicken pox: yes
Sore throat: yes
Stitches: over both eyes and on my lips and nose
Broken nose: yes

Do You...

Believe in love at first sight: Yes
Like picnics: sure, but only if there is shade readily available
Like school: Yep. I miss college

Who...

... was the last person you danced with: hmm... some bridesmaid at Chris' wedding 2 years ago. I don't remember her name. I'm not a dancer.
... makes you smile: most people
... did you last yell at: Chris, because our phones don't to play nicely together
... told you they loved you? my grandma

Do you like filling these out: more than I'd like to admit
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: glasses
Do you like yourself: pretty much
Do you get along with your family: yep
Do you hate someone in your family: nope.
Where do you want to get married: somewhere in Oklahoma
Are you a good driver: an excellent driver. Yes, I'm an excellent driver. The two tint tickets don't count.
Are you a good singer: no, but i enjoy it.

Today did you...

Talk to someone you liked: yes
Buy something: some some dish soap
Get sick: no
Sing: not yet
Talked to an ex: no
Miss someone: yes

Last person who....

Was in your bed? myself
Saw you cry: myself
Made you cry: random third grader saying pledge
Went to the movies with: Leslie
You went to the mall with: Leslie
Ever been in a fight with your pet: no, but I did have to scold my fish back when I had fish
Been to California:Yes!
Been to Mexico: Yes!
Been to Canada: Yes!
Been to Africa: twice

Random.....

Do you have a crush on someone: nope
What books are you reading now: New Kings of Nonfiction
Best feeling in the world: someone calling in to the office to say they liked the article you wrote
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? no
Piercing/Tattoos? none
Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? yes
Are you lonely right now: on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being so lonely you're suicidal and 10 being surrounded by friends and loved ones, i'd say i'm sitting pretty at a 7 or 8
Song that's stuck in your head right now: Put a Banana in Your Ear
Have you ever played strip poker: no
Have you ever gotten beat up: no
Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: not really, but I've seen plenty of them
Ever liked someone but thought they'd never noticed you? of course
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? face
Are you too shy to ask someone out? no, but I'm a far cry from overly confident too
Have you ever fired a gun? yes
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car? planes make me tired
How many pillows do you sleep with? 1

Seriously?

2009-01-15T11:50:00.002-06:00

I think I am going to be sick. This may very well be the first sign of the Apocalypse.

Creepiest. Postcard. Ever.

2009-01-14T09:21:00.002-06:00

I'm thrilled to add it to my collection, but this one gives me the heebiejeebies.

Holy Space-Time Distortion, Batman!

2009-01-08T09:43:00.004-06:00

Run for the hills! It seems that there is some sort of gravitational anomaly, worm hole or possibly a tear in the space-time continuum on the shelf above my desk. I really don't take notice of my Coke collection, but this morning I just happened to glance up there and this bizzare scene greeting me. Forget the LHC; the space-time distortion above my desk is the new threat to the very existence of the world as we know it.

I... I Don't Even Know What to Say

2008-12-31T21:09:00.003-06:00

Oh Yeah. I did it.

2008-12-31T18:18:00.018-06:00

Some people actually trouble themselves to make real New Year's Resolutions. Not me. There's a lot in my life I could/should committ to change/improve. Despite my general disinterest in resolutions, this time last year I chose to make 2008 The Year of Film.

My goal was to see 52 movies in 52 weeks (all my reviews are available at A Rough Cut) and dag nabbit, I did it. Turns out I miscounted and actually saw 53. That's good becuase that makes the monumental 52nd movie RocknRolla, which is way better for my street cred than Marley & Me. Some were stinkers and some were pleasant surprises, some I absolutely would have never seen if I hadn't been on a mission from God. but overall it's been a pretty good year. Some have said I cheated because I counted the ones I saw in theaters twice, but [sticks tongue out].

Here's the list, starting in January (a * denotes a movie seen twice):

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (3 out of 5 stars)
Bee Movie (.5/5)
* Juno (5/5)
Walk Hard (2/5)
Atonement (4/5)
Rambo (2/5)
Semi-Pro (2/5)
Expelled: No Intelligence (3/5)
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! (3/5)
Smart People (3.5/5)
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2/5)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (5/5)
* Iron Man (4.5/5)
Speed Racer (1/5)
* Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Cyrstal Skull (4/5)
* Kung Fu Panda (3.5/5)
* Get Smart (3.5/5)
Wanted (3.5/5)
* Wall-E (4.5/5)
* The Dark Knight (5/5)
Step Brothers (1/5)
* Tropic Thunder (4/5)
Pineapple Express (2/5)
Ghost Town (4/5)
Hancock (2/5)
Burn After Reading (3.5/5)
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (3.5/5)
An American Carol (2/5)
Mamma Mia (1/5)
Eagle Eye (3.5/5)
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2/5)
Fireproof (4/5)
The Express (3/5)
Journey to the Center of the Earth (2.5/5)
Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa (2.5/5)
The House Bunny (3/5)
Quantum of Solace (4/5)
Appaloosa (2/5)
Role Models (4/5)
Bolt (4/5)
Max Payne (1/5)
Australia (4/5)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (3.5/5)
RocknRolla (3.5/5)
Marley & Me (3/5)

For the full break down of the year that was and the awarding of the prestigious Stubbies, click on over to A Rough Cut.

And that makes 200 (+1)

2008-12-20T16:21:00.007-06:00

Playfully stolen from xkcd.com.

In what pundits world-wide are calling a "mild but still uninteresting coincidence," my last post, "And That Makes 100," marked my 200th entry here at the cavalcade of whimsy that is Well-done, Please. It's taken me a while to get here (other bloggers have racked up more than 450 posts in a similar span), but what a wild and crazy journey it's been.

Who could forget the tirades against "those darn kids," the travelogues, the clips of eccentric people playing ukuleles, the rich, theological debates, the Hollywood eulogies, the memos to fast food employees, or the many, many typos? Sweet Memories [wipes a single tear]. Oh, I almost forgot the Platonic Dialogue.

And that makes 100

2008-12-20T16:16:00.003-06:00

I did a Google Images search for "100" just to see what was out there and this little fella was at the top of the list.

I just received and posted my 100th postcard (that I'm keeping record of)! Many thanks to Noelle from Santiago, Chile for helping make this the oh so special day that it is. Forget Obama and the upcoming inauguration parties. This is where it's at.

Something Else for Al Gore to Worry About

2008-12-19T13:41:00.002-06:00

Hehe.

Where Seduction Meets Flame-Broiled Meat

2008-12-18T14:30:00.000-06:00

I've been touting this idea for years. Seriously. For years. Only my idea was to capture the alluring, sensual musk that is eau du onion-fried burger, not flame-broiled Whoppers. Oh, and I would have charged way more than $3.99.

Positive Behavoir Intervention and Support Program?

2008-12-18T14:02:00.001-06:00

The library rules are posted on the library door at Halls Ferry Elementary school in Florissant. Signs with rules and behavior tips are on the walls throughout the school as part of the Positive Behavior Intervention and Support program. (Max Gersh/P-D)

St. Louis area schools use rules to improve behavior
By Valerie Schremp Hahn
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
12/18/2008

If you were a student at Halls Ferry Elementary School in Florissant, you'd know that when soft music comes on in the cafeteria, it's time to finish eating. If your teacher asked you to "slant," you'd know the acronym means to sit up straight and get ready to listen.

And if you were new here, and needed a primer on all the school's rules and procedures — and there are lots of them — you'd be invited to join the Newcomer's Club.

"I just think that's so good for kids, to come into an environment and know what is expected of them," said Lisa Hazel, principal of Halls Ferry, in the Ferguson-Florissant School District.

All schools have rules; just try keeping 500 children in line without them.
But schools like Halls Ferry have rules nailed down to a science. Administrators say they are using rules not just to keep order, but also to set kids up to succeed.

The schools practice PBS, or Positive Behavior Support. It's sometimes called PBIS, or Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports.

Ask any of these schools to show you their rules and regulations binder, and you'll see procedures and lesson plans for everything.

Everything. How to line up in the cafeteria. How to use "nice hands and feet" on the bus. How to be kind to classmates.

But the program isn't about creating endless lists of rules and cracking down on violators. Instead, the focus is on setting expectations and catching students being good. In other words, schools are offering more carrots and fewer sticks.

Hazel said the approach makes her job easier — about half as many students were sent to her office last school year as the year before.

Positive Behavior Support is in schools in all 50 states. Halls Ferry was one of the first local schools to start it 10 years ago.

Hazelwood, University City, Clayton, Pattonville, Kirkwood, and Webster Groves are among area districts that have signed on more of their schools in the past few years.

The approach is not rigid; it evolves with the needs of a school. But there is consistency within individual schools.

"Everyone in the school uses the same words," says Thurma DeLoach, director of Kirkwood's special programs. "It's not like when I was in school, where in one classroom these were the expectations; in another classroom, you can get away with murder."

Teachers set up their own classroom rules and procedures, but they reflect the school's general philosophy and are similar to those in other classrooms in the same grade level.

The program is based on the theory that about three-fourths of students in the school don't have behavior issues. About a fourth of students might need some help, which could mean they get a mentor or an invitation to attend a school "social skills club." A small percentage of students have chronic issues and need more help; they're likely to be put on behavior plans.

When schools decide to adopt the program, they might start small with a problem that their school can work on, like cafeteria behavior. Teachers and staff members — from the recess aides to the janitors — agree on a way to address each issue.

At Eureka Elementary in the Rockwood district, cafeteria workers give tickets to students for every positive behavior they observe. Grade levels keep track of how many tickets they get and compete to win the week's "Golden Tray Award" — a spray-painted plastic cafeteria tray.

"It's unbelievable," Eureka Principal Brian Gentz said. "It has changed an entire lunch."

With the rules comes a common theme to make following them fun.

At Ritenour Middle School, Huskies get "paws for applause" for good behavior. At Ackerman School in Florissant, part of the Special School District, students' names are placed on a bee, which is taped next to a central beehive in a hallway. Halls Ferry students see handprints as a common theme, and they agree to follow the "high fives." There are six of them: Be safe, kind, cooperative, respectful, peaceful and responsible.

"When we do the high fives, you can earn good listening tickets and you can earn a lot of things, like lunch with a teacher," Halls Ferry second-grader Reggie Ross said.

The approach translates to good feelings all around, said Carol Fouse, principal of Hazelwood East Middle School in the Spanish Lake area. She recalled the story of a girl who visited her office at the end of last school year and asked, "Did you make up this school?"

"Yes, as far as coming up with the rules and everything," Fouse responded.

"Well, you did a good job," the girl said. "You know what? I haven't needed to fight this year. I got into fights all the time at elementary school, but I feel safe at this school."

"That," said Fouse, "was very cool."

AWE-SOME.

2008-12-17T10:10:00.000-06:00

My new favorite quote: "My dog jumped up on my lap and started licking my pants."

The Offical Ringtone of Christmas

2008-12-17T09:17:00.001-06:00

Bring It On!

2008-12-11T14:48:00.000-06:00

Vocab Lesson #3

2008-12-11T11:37:00.000-06:00

It's great to learn, 'cause knowledge is power! (Previous lessons here and here.)

Eschatos
Trisagion
Accretion
Amanuenses
Vacticinium ex eventu
Lex talion
Theophoric
Hypocoristic
henotheism
Proleptic

Chippy

2008-12-08T07:38:00.000-06:00

Good news, everyone! OPERATION: ICING ON THE CAKE was a rousing success. Fourteen people plus an infant (for a grand total of 14.1) showed up and there were no reported injuries.

The game was fun, even though we (The Grim Dekers) played Mizzou's JV team and lost 2-9. We would have actually been competitive, but we only had one man on the bench so that meant our guys pretty much played the whole game. Mizzou brougth 15 guys, which meant they only had to play roughtly 1/3 a game, which meant they were able to bring in fresh legs when our guys got winded. Sneaky sneaky.

The game was - to use the hockey term - "chippy." That's code for there were actually some fights this time. Our guy (John) scored both our goals, but he paid for both of them when Mizzou's enforcer took him out twice. John fought back and there were many bruises to go around. A good time was had by all.

There is also slight chance I might have yelled something to the effect of, "At least Mizzou won one game this weekend." Don't worry, hockey players can barely move without unlacing their skates once they've left the ice, and I'm surprisingly fast for a large land-mammal.

Ice Cube Said it Best

2008-12-06T00:50:00.000-06:00

Today was a good day, and it wasn't just because none of my homies in South Central got shot or that I didn't have to use my AK. Not only did OU trample Mizzou, but I also got my Christmas decorations up AND I got four new postcards in the mail (and only one of them was from Finland)!

Merry Christmas From Those Fun People on the 6th Floor

2008-12-04T11:10:00.000-06:00

Many people in today's society seem to be laboring under the false impression that the highest honor for a journalist is the Pulitzer Prize, or maybe an Edward R. Murrow Award. They're wrong. There is no higher praise than to see a homeless mannequin sleeping on a park bench using the your publication - the very fruits of your pen - as a blanket.

I know how you feel, little guy. It puts me to sleep too.

Who Knew Jon Stewart was a Good Singer?

2008-11-30T21:02:00.001-06:00

This is my generation's Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Merry Christmas Charlie Brown! all rolled into one:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: Jon Stewart

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

With Apologies to Johnny Nash

2008-11-28T12:52:00.001-06:00

I can see clearly now, the tint is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my car's way,
Gone are the windows that made me blind*,
It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day,

I think I can make it now the glass is clear,
I will pay my fine right away,

Though I think Missouri law is dumb,
It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day,

Look around, there's nothin' but clear glass,

Look straight ahead, nothin' but clear glaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaass,

I can see clearly now the tint is gone,

There are no troopers demading that I pay,

Gone are the dark panels that got me stopped**,

It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day.

* supposedly

** twice

Stop It.

2008-11-24T13:15:00.000-06:00

Webster's Dictionary defines "lame" as:

Crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty
Impaired or disabled through defect or injury: as in, a lame arm.
Weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: as in, "Webster's Dictionary defines _____ as _____" is a lame rhetorical device.

Can't we all put aside our difference and agree that no one beyond middle school is allowed to begin a thought with such a lame, LAME phrase?

Well THAT was an $83 lunch break

2008-11-13T14:34:00.000-06:00

They say you learn something new everyday. Today's lesson, boys and girls, is that just because you've only received one ticket for "excessive vision reduction materials" in the past three years, it doesn't mean you can safely assume it'll be another three years before some bored highway patrolman pounces.

When this happened back in June, I decided that I would just keep my 85 percent tint (the legal limit is 65) and take my chances. I'd been driving in Missouri for more than three years, had had a cop inspect my vehicle after that gay hit-and-run garbage truck AND driven alongside literally dozens of highway patrol cruisers each day (the MOHP HQ is on my way to work) AND had two safety inspections with no problems. One stop in three years? I'll pay the $83 and keep my awesome windows.

As it turns out, I only had three months, not three more years before it caught up with me. I acknowledged that I'd been stopped for this before (better to admit it than to have him punch it up on the computer) and he asked me why I hadn't removed it. "Cashflow" I said, which is mostly true. I resent having my cash paid to remove something so petty. He said I could pick it off with my fingernail so there was no excuse. For the record, I picked at the entire time he was writing me the ticket and couldn't remove a single speck. I guess I'll have to go at it with a razor blade.

So yeah. I'm frustrated with myself (it's embarrassing to admit you ignored the law because you thought you'd get away with it), mad that I have to drop $83 and even more annoyed that I'm going to have to figure out a way to lose my tint.

I know I broke the law (twice) and I certainly didn't argue with the offericer. I'll dutifully sign the line, plead guilty and pony up the $83. But come on. TWICE now you've crossed the median and chased me down for tint? I'd understand if I had been speeding (even a little bit) and you tacked it on, but come on.

If you're reading, President-elect Obama, I suggest that your new economic stimulous package include a moratorium on tint tickets. YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

Scoop!

2008-11-11T08:11:00.000-06:00

Guess who totally scooped Slate.com... by more than three weeks, no less! That's right, David Plotz, that's right. You and your staff may be exponentially better writers than I can ever hope to be, but I've been all over this story since mid-October. (Never mind the fact that it was the Omaha World Herald that tipped me off and the story itself is more than a year old. The important thing is that I beat you.)

Wow, first Rolling Stone's Peter Travers plagiarizes one of my reviews, and now the web's best magazine is looking to me for content. There just might be something to this blogging thing.

"The Bald Eagle"

2008-11-09T18:48:00.000-06:00

Late afternoon on Sunday found me sitting in my garage trimming my hair. This isn't an entirely out of the ordinary occurrence, and I'm actually pretty good at keeping things even. Of course, that plastic depth guard helps. The thing the evil hair clipper manufacturer fat cats fail to mention is that you should ALWAYS double-, no, triple-check that said guard is on the clippers.

Should you fail to triple-check, there's a surprisingly high probability that your noggin will end up with a bald strip the width of the clipper blade.

The sad thing is that this the second time this has happened to me. The first time I gave myself a reverse mohawk, carving a valley right down the middle of my head. Luckily, the hair on the tippy top of my head is thin anyway, so once I'd trimmed the rest to 1/8 inch, it didn't look that bad. The really sad thing is that since I don't have to cut my hair that often, I've only done it 10 or so times. That means I have a 20 percent failure rate.

This time, I accidentally shaved (and believe me, "shaved" is the right word) my right temple. I didn't think I could rescue the situation by myself (plus I'd lost my 1/8 inch guard) so I called up Chris to see if he and Katie would be willing to help me decide on a new do. I was pretty sure he'd be willing, since one of his all-time favorite stories is when I showed up at his door with my new un-mohawk and a sheepish grin. (When I called to see if I could come over, all I had to say was "so I was cutting my hair and..." and he started laughing.)

Anyway, they helped and despite looking like I have 3-day stubble growth all over my head, it actually looks pretty good and - most important - intentional. Chris and Katie tried to persuade me to go ahead and "bic it," but I'm not ready to make that commitment yet. I have this sneaking suspicion I have a funny-shaped head with odd lumps here and there.

Even though I'm not ready make the bald plunge, I did get a chance to think about the potential advantages of being among the follicle-challenged. Heck, I'm 95 percent there already. And that remaining 5 percent is only a matter of time.

I'm going to save a fortune on shampoo. You can't overestimate the value of frugality in today's economy.
Washing my hair will take a cool 13 seconds. Styling it will take zero seconds.
If I go ahead and bic it, I can finally donate to Locks of Love.
Just think how much more aerodynamic I'm going to be! I'm going to be setting land speed records left and right.
I look good in hats.
I can further cement my new nickname: "The Bald Eagle."
The line between me and Vin Diesel is further blurred.

[I] are the Champions!

2008-11-04T14:03:00.000-06:00

Regardless of who we elect today, the real winner is:

a) The People
b) The American Dream
c) Democracy
d) None of the above

The answer is d) None of the above. Who is the real winner? The winner is yours truly.

I have successfully exorcised the McDonald's-Monopoly Demon!

Where, O oily hash brown, is thy sting? Where, O deceptive chance at a Dodge Viper, is thy victory? Yes, you were strong, Ronald McDonald! Yes, you were mighty, Uncle Pennybags! But I was stronger! I was mightier! Gaze in crumpling, awestruck defeat as I beat my chest in a primal rage and let out a hair-raising roar of defiant victory. I am Free Will. I OWN YOU, Monopoly at McDonald's! I OWN YOU! May the glorious victory chant echo through the chambers of eternity: I are the Champions, my friends / I kept on fighting, till the end! / No time for losers, / 'cause I are the champions... of the world!

Don't expect the liberal media to report this little news item. They're too obsessed with this so-called "historic" election. Journalism is dead. Sigh.

What to do, what to do?

2008-11-04T10:59:00.000-06:00

Tonight I plan to spend as much time as possible keeping my blood pressure in the safe range by avoiding the trickle of election results. Why torture myself for eight or more hours when I can do something else worthwhile and learn the results in one quick fell swoop, just like a blunt blow to the back of my head? Polls schmolls; I ain't goin' cotton no premature speculation and projection.

So, the question of the day is this:

You've Done it Again, Google

2008-11-04T10:53:00.001-06:00

Way to go, Google. I salute you and cleverness.

Although I am turned off by your blatant electioneering. Everyone knows "g" is in the tank for Obama and has been since the beginning.

That said, I appreciate that G gets a booth specially designed for the ever increasing numbers of obese Americans.

You Bet Your Sweet Bippy, I Voted!

2008-11-04T08:20:00.000-06:00

Three cheers for democracy (more precisely, consitutional republicanism) in action!

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Hey Look! It's That Lady from Saturday Night Live!

2008-11-03T15:04:00.001-06:00

One of several pix of Sarah Palin I took this morning.
Click here to view the whole album.

Whlie I was driving to church yesterday morning I heard on the radio that the Republican nominnee for vice president would be making an 11th hour campaign stop a mere three blocks from my office. I'm still miffed that I missed the president when he whipped through town last year, so I wasn't going to miss this. I zipped over to the MISSOURI VICTORY CENTER (seriously, just call it a "campaign office") and was able to get a ticket and still make it to church on time.

Even if she and McCain lose tomorrow, it was still fun experience.

Palin was scheduled to speak at noon and the gates opened at 8, so I knew I was in for a long morning. Since my parking lot is so close to the Capitol, I was paranoid some dork would snake it, so I planned to get there extra early. At 7:30 I began walking to the Capitol and by the time I got there, the line was already three blocks long.

I amused myself in line by people watching (I had brought a great book to read, but I can't read standing up... go figure). There was wide variety of Republican and McCain paraphernalia. Of course, eight years ago, these party faithful probably despised McCain. That's why the sensible voter relies on issues and not personality [WARNING: POLITICAL TANGENT AHEAD]. I think endorsing a candidate is useless and narcissistic, but here's my stance on a few issues. I'll let you guess who will win my vote.

I believe a smaller government is a good thing (this is one area where Bush has clearly failed us).
I believe lowering taxes across the board is an unequivically good thing.
I'm am very much pro-life.
(Security/defense) Biden has said Obama will be tested in the first six months of his administration. That's probably true and in and of itself isn't a damning statement. Who knows, he might surprise Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and pass that test with flying colors. The question remains: Do you want someone who might pass the test and show his mettle, or do you want someone who was tested for five years in a POW camp and passed with flying colors?
(Willing to cross the aisle) Do you want the most liberal person in the senate to be president, or would you prefer someone who has been the very definition of bi-partisan and centrist for 30 years, so much so that he has angered the Republican elite in years passed?
I believe the 2nd Amendment is a sacred right. We need an Administration willing to defend that right.
The Fairness Doctrine is wrong and is a violation of the 1st Amendment. We need an Administration willing to be the check and balance against an overwhelmingly democratic Congress that has public said it will be on their agenda.
I believe we need to secure our borders (this is another area where Bush has failed and McCain is soft).

Back to the rally.

The gates opened at 8 and we slowly filed in. I was in the riffraff "white ticket" crowd. Those with yellow tickets got to sit on the Capitol steps. Lucky jerks. OK, so they were mostly veterans. Sure, I staked my claim in the third row with a nice 3/4 view of the podium, but I also ended up standing for nearly six hours. I'm not built for that. Normal humans aren't built for that.

Organizers tried to keep the crowd happy until the appointed hour by pumping in music. You haven't lived until you've seen/heard 20,000 Republicans rocking out to "American Pie." (See the last video below.) Jefferson City is only home to 39,000.

Local and state Republicans took the stage beginning at 11 or so. There were many jokes and jabs at Democrats. A few of them were funny. A few of them. At one point, gubernatorial candidate Kenny Hullshof had us turn around and shout at the offices of the attorney general and his democratic opponent, Jay Nixon. Nixon is going to clean his clock, but it was fun for a few seconds. The best jab of the day was when Random Republican (I lost track) said "I know some of you think it's too late to register to vote. I have good news! ACORN is here and they're ready to squeeze you all in!" Touche Random Republican. Touche.

Finally, it was time for Tina Fey to take the stage. She emerged from the doors of the Capitol and made her way down the steps as Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 played over the PA. I would have preferred something fun like North to Alaska but 9 to 5 is OK. Her husband, Todd, was there too. No word on Track, Trig, Tractor, Truckstop or Trichenosis.

Speaking of music, who got the honor of introducing Gov. Palin? Why, Hank Williams, Jr. (inexplicably nicknamed, "Bocephus"), of course! (FYI, Wikipedia says that it's "BoCephus" and not "Bosephus.")

He started off with National Anthem (see video below) and then went right into a McCain-Palinized version of his (I'm told) hit, Family Tradition (again, see video below). The Dems get Ludacris, Repubs get Bocephus. His song isn't exactly going to go down in the annals of history as a shining example of political rhetoric, but I guess some people liked it. He'll probably help McCain cinch the all-important female grizzly vote in Idaho (keep reading). Me, I could have done without it.

The left wing liberal media have
Always been a real close knit family
But, most of the American People
Don't believe em anyway ya see
Stop and think it over
Before you make your decision
If they smell something
They're gonna come down strong
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

Now this old Union's got problems
That is plain to see
The Democrats bankrupted Fannie Mae N Freddie Mac
Just like 1, 2, 3
The bankers didn't want to make all those bad loans,
But Bill Clinton said you got to
Now they want a bail out, what I'm talking about
Is a Democrat liberal who do

CHORUS
John N Sarah tell ya
Just what they think
And they're not gonna blink
And they're gonna fix this country
Cause they're just like you N ole Hank
Yes John is a maverick
And Sarah fixed Alaska's broken condition
They're gonna go just fine
We're headed for better times
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

I am very proud of America's name
Bu no society is perfect
And we have had our stains
If I'm down at the coffee shop and
Somebody wants to give our flag friction
We say please move on
Cause we're standing strong
That's an old John McCain tradition

Some are bound to tell you I'm
Preaching to the choir
And that is very true
And we are going even higher
Like a mama bear in Idaho
She'll protect your family's condition
If you mess with her cubs
She's gonna take off the gloves
It's an American female tradition

Repeat Chorus

Hank Hill would have loved it.

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY Palin spoke. She was pretty much on message, although I was very upset that she used a teleprompter. A) Aren't we picking on Obama for being too reliant on a script? and B) it's totally blocked my perfect view that I fought for.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE

How perfect would that shot have been?

Then it was over, except for the baby-kissing and thumbs up when someone shouted "Barracuda." For a first political rally (and one that will likely be meaningless this time Wednesday) it was pretty fun and VERY interesting. My observations and final thoughts:

When I run for office, there will be chairs. Lots and lots of chairs.
My supporters (or enemies) can hold up any sign they want. I hate to say there is anything fake about the campaign, but the truth must be told. I already mentioned they confiscated all the signs at the gate. Once you got inside, they passed out new signs. I watched them pass them out. They were all the same size and were stacked in order (red, then white, then blue) to ensure a proper distribution among the crowd. I'm sure 100 percent of the sentiments on the signs were heartfelt and genuine (otherwise, why wave it around like a mad man) but it's still a little weird. That said, they had some pretty fun signs. My fav: "The Moose is Lose!" "Happy Palin Day!" one of the ones left outside the gate, is also awesome.
Todd Palin looks tired.
Republicans are very creative when it comes to head wear
The Secret Service dudes (and two dudettes) were on the ball.
At least three black Missourians support McCain-Palin. Don't tell Jesse Jackson.
I'm over this whole Joe the Plumber thing. I was glad he didn't make an appearance.
Sarah Palin looks very good in jeans.
Be sure you check out my pix.

A few short videos:

IFOP

2008-10-31T08:04:00.001-05:00

My fascination with the postal system and postcards is well-documented and it wouldn't be a stretch to call me obsessed. My real concern while I was in St. Louis this week was not to cover my beat or even to see my buddy Luis. No, it was to make sure I made it to the International Bowling Hall of Fame to see if they had any fun postcards to add to my To Send To Kelly pile. Tragically, they were closed.

The Internet is the cause of a sharp decline in good old fashioned snail mail. Why send a postcard when you can blog? (The real question is why not do both?) However, the marriage of the Internet and the International Fraternity of Postcardiophiles (IFOP) has led to a marvelous new wrinkle in my addiction: Postcrossing.

You sign up and are given five addresses of fellow IFOPers across the globe along with a tracking number. You write that tracking number on the card and when they receive it, they register that number on the website and your address goes to a sender somewhere else on the planet.

Yes, it's exactly like that pyramid-style "hairbow club*" Move-your-name-to-the-top-of-the-list scam my sister did when she was in 2nd Grade, and no, I don't care. It IS a little bit different in that the emergence of the Internet allows for a much bigger community pool (there are 71,000 members) and a better/faster management system. Since it knows your location and the destinations, your "postcard mileage" is also tracked and mapped out via a Google Maps layer. Fun!

My first five were dropped in the mail today and are winging their way to Finland, Germany, Austria, Singapore and Australia.

Whereas my obsession is rather general scope, many "serious" IFOPers have chosen to specialize in certain genres. In your Postcrossing Profile you can specify the types of postcards you'd prefer to receive. Mr. Austria requested I send the card in unused mint condition in an envelope and Ms. Australia likes fine art postcards or those featuring churches/cathedrals. (I obliged Austria and stuck Australia with pick of the Capitol.)

But wait! Did Maija from Finland have any special requests? I'm glad you asked.

Hi! I'm Maija! I love travelling (I wanna go to interrail!) and all kind of cute things like small jars, cupcakes, black and white cards and old pictures. I like handmade cards and that’s why I try to make cards by myself for you (of course I can send you some normal card if you want!) I’ll be very happy if you send me a piece of milkcarton (if there is a picture about cow in the milkcarton I hope you send it to me) because of I collect them! :---)

Thank you! ♥

P.S. I hope u write something in your own language. It would be very cool 8) (and of course if u write the same in English and in your language, it's perfect!)

P.P.S. I have got a cat, so if your cat/some other animal wants to send a card to him, send a card to Pekka!

Finlanders are nuts. Of course, it's only by the narrowest of shreds of dignity that I am able to resist sending a disassembled milk carton to Helsinki. Feel free to e-mail me for Pekka's address.

Dear Pekka - Your owner is nuts.

Sigh. So am I.

*Seriuosly. She was waaaaaaaaaaay into hairbows.

Daniel Stern was also awesome in "Rookie of the Year"

2008-10-28T11:07:00.001-05:00

As previously mentioned, earlier this week I was heartbroken to be turned away by the locked doors and dimmed lights of the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum. Not to be denied, I called this morning to confirm their hours and casually let the receptionist know I peeved they'd closed early. According the nice recorded voice on the other end of the line, they're only open Thursday through Sunday. Mind you, that's just for the month of October. November through September their open six days a week. Bowling Fail.

(Honestly, I'm just in it for the postcards. I know. I'm sick.)

As I Googled around looking for the above photo (it's not stealing if you provide a link... at least that's what I tell myself), I came across the following entry by a fellow blogger.

The lobby used to house a large Bowling Ball, also, that patrons could roll around, but according to the first receptionist I talked with, it took up too much space. Located right across the street from Bush stadium, the Bowling Museum is housed in the same building as the Cardinals Hall of Fame, so you get two, two, two sports in one!

Thoughts:

Wow, and I thought I had a comma problem.
Who knew that "Bowling Ball" was a proper noun.
It's Busch Stadium. Think beer, not president.
NO MORE GIANT BOWLING BALL?
It's totally unrelated, but a random episode of The Wonder Years just popped into my head. It was one of the later episodes when Kevin stopped being a cute little boy. How cool is Daniel Stern?

The pins are all different sizes, suspended from the ceiling in the entrance atrium. From the balcony you get a great perspective on the prominant pins, cascading down into the gift area. In the depths of the museum you'll also find a Bowling Pin car, made on the frame of a 1936 Studebaker.

I'm in no position to pick on any one's spelling or aversion to spell check, so I'll give "prominant" a pass.
You could get the same "perspective" on bowling pins at your local alley.

The largest leading pin is approximately 20' long, fiberglass over a lightweight frame. The nice man at the counter during the early-morning waiting sessions described having to paint the monsters, filling in cracks and trying to reach up and over the monsterous swaying things to apply fresh paint... not a job for the timid.

I am so so mad I missed out on one of those "early-morning waiting sessions." There's nothing like the thrill you get when you get up before the sun rise for a good ol' fashioned wait.

(______________)

2008-10-28T09:52:00.000-05:00

Ooooooooh... I get it. It's a play on "You've been punked." It's still not funny.

Confession: I rely way too heavily on parenthetical statements (I also misuse them). Can I help it if I think in clumsy parenthetical thoughts, subordinate clauses and asides? Clearly, I cannot. Shut up, grammar gestapo.

As if You Cared

2008-10-28T09:01:00.000-05:00

Last year, I suggested a few options should my current institution of part-time higher learning decide to field an athletic team and poll me for mascot ideas. (They have yet to do so.)

My suggestions:

The Dippers
The Johns
The Saints
The Spires
The (Bible) Thumpers
The (Bible) Belters
The Holy Rollers
The Midwesterners (obvious, non-fun choice)

No one cares, but another idea popped into my head last night as I was drifting off to sleep. It turns out being among 2,000 other Baptists fighting for a few seats at local eateries was inspiring. I think it’s a winner: The Potluckers. It the perfect metaphor for what who we are. Namely, people who like to eat.

That’s not to be confused with pot lickers. Or pot stickers. Hmm… The Pot Stickers…

How Should I Spend My Evening NOT Watching the Election Returns?
	Be a man. Order a pizza and watch 'em anyway.
	Go to a movie you really don't want to see.
	Clean your kitchen.
	Learn to play the fiddle.
	Take a nap.

pollcode.com free polls

Well-done, Please

We're trying something new

Congratulations!

Average

30x30

Mail Call

I Wonder What Would Happen If...

A Classic

Google Maps Typography

Oh Noes!

Were there Pan Flutes and Accordions?? Yes. There were Pan Flutes and Accordions.

It Kinda Renews Your Faith in the Human Race

Heh heh

Arrrrrrrg

Happy Easter!

Sigh.

Clinton calls for stricter Antarctic tourism limits

OK We're Going to Have a Problem Here

Texas claims Big 12 championship with an *

yahooBuzzArticleId = window.location.href; //yahooBuzzArticleHeadline = "Red River football: Texas claims Big 12 championship with an *"; //yahooBuzzArticleSummary = "The Texas Longhorns still won&acirc;��t concede the 2008 Big 12 championship. "

Best.Cartoon.Ever.

TGIF

Everyone Chip In

Greetings from Jefferson City!

My Inner Child Wants to Watch This Over and Over and Over and Over and Over

Butterfly in the Sky / I Can Go Twice as High

Would I Buy Pizza from a Vending Machine?

Lent FAIL

March (Meme) Madness

Lint!

Lent!

祈禱中

Huck

Well? Do They??

Let's Hear What the Teleprompter has to Say...

They Seriously Had to do a Study to Figure This Out? And Yet I'm Jealous I'm not the One Who Wrote It. Darn you, A. Pawlowski! Darn You to Heck!

Top 100 movie quotes (according to the American Film Institute)

Ice Ice Baby

Say Hallo to my Leetle Friend!

AAAAAAAAAAACK!!

Best. Job. Ever.

Security Breach!

'Cause I'm the Tax Man

Awesome

How Dumb Can You Get? Oh Wait, They're in California

OK This isn't Funny. Seriously, Who Rigged my Results?

Obama did WHAT? Oh it is ON now.

Mascot FAIL

Awesome

Re: My Car

Just looking is 1400 calories

Oh No They Di-ent

25 Things About Brian OR The DMV's 25 Coolest Brothers of All Time

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time!

Oh give me a - wait is that Darhma at 1:02?

Well I've Never been to Heaven...

Joyeux Jour sans Fin!

No Thanks

Mattel, What Have You Done to my Beloved GI Joe?

Say it Ain't So!

Aretha Franklin's Understudy

www.Raahe.Fi

Reasons #36,421, #36,422 and #36,423 why Oklahoma Rocks

So So Awesome!

Psalm 20

Seurat Would Be Proud

Where is Robert Frost When You Need Him?

Survey Says...

Seriously?

Creepiest. Postcard. Ever.

Holy Space-Time Distortion, Batman!

I... I Don't Even Know What to Say

Oh Yeah. I did it.

And that makes 200 (+1)

And that makes 100

Something Else for Al Gore to Worry About

Where Seduction Meets Flame-Broiled Meat

Positive Behavoir Intervention and Support Program?

AWE-SOME.

The Offical Ringtone of Christmas