My Olympic Fever has Broken.

Thank goodness it's over. Now that the closing ceremony is behind us, I can finally start going to bed before 3 a.m. and stop caring about drama on the Cuban ping pong team.

In other Olympic news, I want one of those awesome mono-cycle things.

Thank you, Michael Phelps

This makes me ashamed to be a man. It's not so much that John Edwards had an affair (I've never been exactly emotionally invested in his political career), but it's the attitude that nobody seems to care. "Everybody does it." If everybody thinks this way, then I'm also ashamed to be an American. If I had an affair, much less had my affair exposed on national television, I'd hide under a rock and die.

I'd better watch some Olympic swimming to restore my faith in humanity, my gender and my country. Thank you, Michael Phelps. God bless you and your refusal to visit an orthodontist.

(Why I was reading the Huffington Post is irrelevant.)

Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Brian has announced an open invitation to Zhang Yimou and Zhang Jigang, the producers of the 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremonies, to plan the celebration marking the 27th anniversary of his birth on June 15, 2009.

"I had it narrowed down to Zhang/Zhang and one other, but after seeing what they did in Beijing, there really wasn't any question," he said.

Brian was particularly drawn to the unique ways the Chinese duo incorporated that nation's long and rich history into the production and the cinematic approach.

"Given that my personal story is so much more interesting than that of China, I can't wait to see how they illustrate my life."

Just as the Beijing Opening Ceremonies far surpassed any in recent memory, Brian promised that any Zhang/Zhang production associated with his "brand" would be "bigger and better than anything Beijing could even imagine."

Due in large part to the secrecy of Brian's plans, no specific details about the celebration have been released although experts are speculating that there will be cake and possibly gifts. Brian did not comment on details, but only offered this tantalizing tidbit:

"You thought they had fireworks for the Opening Ceremonies? You thought eight gazillion glow-in-the-dark drummers doing tai chi in perfect synchronization was awe-inspiring? Bah, you ain't seen nothing yet. You've seen what they can do with three or so billion people... just wait until they get the full force of Brian behind them. "