Ukulele Love

Stay with it through at least the 25-second mark.



Hmmph.



Kind of haunting. Why is Katy Perry so big with ukulelists?



Yes, you are crazy.



Home skillet got talent.



Joey Ramone would be so proud.



"Is that a ukulele, or are you just pleased to see me?"



Wow!



Get a long, little doggies!



It's hard to picture Johnny Cash with a uke.



It's getting easier.



Come to think of it, why do you build me up? Nice dream catcher, by the way.



So much better than the original.




Toodle loo!




Queen + Ukulele = Not as awesome as you'd think.



A little better.



I just can't look. It's killing me.



It's raining ukuleles.



Under my ukulele -lele -lele eh eh eh.



If you ever suffer from low self-esteem, this is the prescription.



One of my favorite Beach Boys songs.



I like small guitars and I cannot lie...




I saved the best for last: She's a survivor (What - What - What). "Julia" actually tours around the northeast and recently opened for Ben Folds. Awe.some.

Sooner Magic

The only way this could possibly be any better would be if it were The Final Countdown instead of The Devil Came Down to Georgia.

Ay Chihuahua!

Up until now I've not let this economy thing get me down. I'm not worried about my retirement account. "Things will eventually pick up," I tell myself. There's no reason to panic. The sun will rise and the Earth is going to keep right on spinnin'. Well, ladies and gentlemen, there is now an official reason to panic.

Instead of jumping out of Wall Street windows like the good old days, day traders and stock brokers are going to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I kid you not, things are getting that bad. I'm not sure which is worse: suicide by pavement or self-inflicted torture. Then again, if you're willingly buying a ticket to see this movie, you may already be dead inside.

From CNN:

"Beverly Hills Chihuahua" is the only light comedy in a market heavy on drama. Chuck Viane, Disney's head of distribution, said movie-goers may be turning to the perky pooch to help forget the market free-fall on Wall Street.

"This is only word-of-mouth coming back to us from theaters. I don't have any statistical proof. But they're telling us we're getting more unaccompanied-by-children adults coming on their own. They're looking for a little entertainment," Viane said.

Why isn't the government doing anything to stop this?

It stinks!

I know what you're thinking. Who drew that eerily accurate drawing of BK and put him on the cover of a DVD box? Frankly, I'm offended. My hair isn't near that long and I totally wear glasses.

Anyhoo, head on over to A Rough Cut and check out my three latest reviews (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, An American Carol, and Mamma Mia!).

My apologies to Jon Lovitz.

Gone With the Hashbrowns

Sometimes it can be near impossible to avoid our impulses or compulsions. For instance:

• If I see a soda can in the road, I must run it over.
• I won't eat deli meats unless they've been opened, then resealed for at least a day (it's very hard to explain).
• When I'm bored and can't think of anything to do while sitting at a computer, my fingers automatically type www.quesadilla.com. I have no idea why. (The results are always disappointing. Always.)

Some people wash their hands over and over, I have a hang up on freshly sliced turkey. Those certainly aren't anything to be proud of, but my real secret shame is that it is near impossible for me to avoid being sucked into McDonald's annual Monopoly promotion. My addiction is well-documented (see previous account of my sheep-like behavior here).

Curse you, Uncle Pennybags! Darn you to heck, Ronald McDonald! Why do you torment me so, Parker Brothers? Why?

This year, I am determined to overcome what medical research journals and leading psychiatrists are now calling CMMD, or Compulsive McDonald's Monopoly Disorder. Symptoms include: abnormal anxiety from Oct. 7 to Nov. 3, weight gain, logy feeling, unreasonably high hopes that you'll win a Dodge Viper, and McDonald's breakfast items having a monopoly on your desires. Ooh! Maybe I'll get to host a telethon!

Normally, I pride myself in cutting through marketing BS but something about those blasted peel-off chances at fame and fortune (OK, just fortune) suck me in like nothing else. I know popping open a cold Bud Lite won't result in eight women in bikinis showing up for the big game and I know that wearing a certain designer's jeans won't instantly make me cool (not that I need any help). However, I also know that if I just one more hashbrown for tomorrow's breakfast I'm going to peel of the bane of my existence, the elusive fourth Rail Road or - dare I hope? - Boardwalk.

I wouldn't feel bad if I were already going to eat at McDonald's or even if I had plans to eat at some other fast food joint and altered them for a shot at the "french fry lotto" (I've posted the odds at the very end of this post). No, what's truly pathetic is that I increase my McD rate solely for the purpose of getting those silly peel off stickers in the ridiculous hopes of winning $1,000,000. I am the perfect target of McDonald's marketing genious. The promotion didn't just win me over from a competitor like Burger King or Wendy's, it wins me over from my own common sense. I am a slave.

The sad thing is that I'm a fully aware of my affliction and am mostly complicit. I can live without mediocre hamburgers, but God help me, I loves me a sausage biscuit and some hashbrowns. I'm like a kid poring over his prized baseball card collection as I arrange and organize my peel off pieces.

But no more! If Robert Downey, Jr. can kick his habit, so can I!

Wait a minute...

Fine, I don't care about Iron Man. You don't have to been a superhero or date Gwyneth Paltrow's character to have an iron will. I hereby pledge to not patronize McDonald's during this next month. I don't care that there is a daily $100,000 give-a-way. I don't care if I have three business trips this month that offer the perfect opportunity to have a breakfast on the run on the company dollar. I don't care that everyday on my way to work I pass two McDonalds just begging me to zip through the drive through. Who is stronger? Me, or a delicious, golden yellow french fry.

As God is my witness, as God is my witness Mickey D's is not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God as my witness I'll never be hungry (for a stupid, unhealthy fast food breakfast item bearing a get-struck-by-lightning chance at riches or free quarter pounders) again (or at least until Nov. 4)!



The odds:

• Odds of winning food prize over the course of the game are approximately 1 in 6.
• Odds of winning $50 prize are approximately 1 in 591,288.
• Odds of winning $100 prize are approximately 1 in 5,701,000.
  
• Odds of winning $500 prize are approximately 1 in 311,389,700.
  
• Odds of winning $25,000 prize are approximately 1 in 118,257,530 (why these odds are worse than the $100K prize, I don't know).
• Odds of winning $100,000 prize are approximately 1 in 49,273,971 (why these odds are better than the $25K prize, I don't know).
• Odds of winning $1,000,000 prize are approximately 1 in 591,287,650.
  
• You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning 1,477 times than you do of winning that $1,000,000.
  

Burger Vote 2008

As much as it pains me to say it, I think I prefer Obama over McCain in this match up. News flash, McCain: a chicken sandwich does not a burger make. I haven't heard anything from the VP candidates on their burgers of choice, but I still I'd side with the Dems. I don't like eating moose.

Barack Obama Pizza Burger
Recipe Courtesy the M Street Bar and Grill, Washington, DC for Food Network Magazine

Ingredients

For the Garlic Butter:
* 1 head garlic
* 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
* 1 teaspoon champagne vinegar
* Kosher salt

For the Burgers:
* 6 8-ounce Angus beef patties
* Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
* 1/2 cup marinara sauce, plus more for serving
* 12 thin slices fresh mozzarella cheese (about 8 ounces)
* 6 crusty rolls, such as ciabatta, kaiser or Portuguese, halved
* 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350.

Make the butter:

Remove the papery outer layer from the head of garlic and slice off the top to expose the cloves slightly. Wrap the garlic in foil and roast in the oven until soft, about 45 minutes. Cool slightly, then squeeze the roasted pulp into a bowl. Whip with the butter, parsley, vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside.
Make the burgers:

Preheat a grill or grill pan to medium-high. Season the beef patties generously with salt and pepper and grill, about 3 minutes per side for medium-rare, turning once.

Move the burgers to the cooler side of the grill (or reduce the heat on the stove) and top each with some marinara sauce and 2 slices cheese. Spread the cut sides of each roll with some of the garlic butter and place facedown on the grill. Cover and cook until the cheese melts and the buns are toasted, 1 to 2 minutes. Place a burger on each roll bottom; add some chopped basil and the roll top. Serve with more marinara sauce, if desired.


John McCain Chicken Queso Burger
Recipe Courtesy the M Street Bar and Grill, Washington, DC for Food Network Magazine

Ingredients

* 1 lemon
* 1 lime
* 1 orange
* 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
* 1/2 teaspoon adobo all-purpose seasoning
* 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
* 6 6-ounce skinless, boneless chicken breasts
* 3/4 cup fresh tomato salsa, plus more for serving
* 6 slices pepper jack cheese (about 8 ounces)
* 6 challah rolls or other soft rolls, halved
* 1 Hass avocado, sliced

Directions

Finely grate the zest of the lemon, lime and orange into a medium bowl. Squeeze in the juice of each fruit. Add the chili powder, adobo seasoning and olive oil; whisk to combine. Add the chicken and coat well with the marinade; cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or overnight.

Preheat a grill or grill pan to medium-high. Grill the chicken breasts until cooked through, about 8 minutes per side, turning once. Move the chicken to the cooler side of the grill (or reduce the heat on the stove) and top each piece with 1 tablespoon salsa and 1 slice cheese. Cover and cook until the cheese melts, 1 to 2 minutes. Place a chicken breast on each roll bottom; add a few slices of avocado and cover with the roll top. Serve with more salsa, if desired.

Be Like Judy!

It's autumn of a year divisible by four, and that means that once again, Puff Daddy is threatening to pop a cap in my derrier. Sheesh, at least his "Vote or Die" campaign is 10x more subtle that this star-studded PSA wannabe.

Seriously, this will probably the longest 4 minutes and 45 seconds of your life. OK, I'll concede that Courtney Cox's joke at the 3:52 mark is a little clever, but overall this is a good 4 minutes and 30 seconds too long. Leonardo DiCaprio even admits it's long and boring.

If Mr. Combs' threats don't make you want to participate in our democracy (never mind the issues), what are the odds that you'll be swayed by Forrest Whitaker and Eric from Entourage? Personally, I know that I was on the fence until Giovanni Ribisi swooped in with that zinger. Et tu, Giovanni? Et tu?

Voter registration is a noble cause and certainly I don't begrudge famous people their right to an opinion. I also do not think they should have to keep silent on issues although Sean Penn does need to keep his big fat trap shut. That said, I really do hope people are not making history in this election simply because Sarah Silverman can do a neat party trick and Jonah Hill (for the second time in his life) is mildly funny. You'll notice Republicans like Chuck Norris were not represented in the video. Why? They're probably out beating up terrorists and dolling out justice Texas-style, but that's beside the point.

I can just see some stoner sitting there: "I've been ignoring Diddy's death threats for years, and putting off registering to vote simply because I hate jury duty, but Dustin Hoffman told me to be like Judy!"

I'm also a little disappointed that Google is associating itself with a particular political ideology. I like my search engines to be search engines. Maybe Puffy should google "weapons AND polling place AND felony."

Final thought: What do you think the odds are that every one those celebs will actually vote?

We Love The Dear Leader

No exaggeration, chills of sheer terror are running down my spine.

Vocab Lesson #2

As I've previously mentioned, one of the best things about going back to school - even part-time - is learning new words and concepts. The latest list:

• Gentillic
  
• Sapiential
  
• Pharaonic
  
• Theodicy
  
• Theophany
• Disinterested piety
• Stich
• Chiasm
• Psalter
• Imprecatory
• Sagacity
• Terminus a quo
• Terminus ad quem
• Excursus
• Paronomasia
• Sitz-im-Leben
  

Going the Distance

The average American sees a movie in theaters four times a year. I did that just yesterday (Tropic Thunder, Ghost Town, Hancock, Burn After Reading). I don't know if I'm proud of that or not, but I am proud that I stayed awake through all four..