Hey Look! It's That Lady from Saturday Night Live!

One of several pix of Sarah Palin I took this morning.
Click here to view the whole album.

Whlie I was driving to church yesterday morning I heard on the radio that the Republican nominnee for vice president would be making an 11th hour campaign stop a mere three blocks from my office. I'm still miffed that I missed the president when he whipped through town last year, so I wasn't going to miss this. I zipped over to the MISSOURI VICTORY CENTER (seriously, just call it a "campaign office") and was able to get a ticket and still make it to church on time.

Even if she and McCain lose tomorrow, it was still fun experience.

Palin was scheduled to speak at noon and the gates opened at 8, so I knew I was in for a long morning. Since my parking lot is so close to the Capitol, I was paranoid some dork would snake it, so I planned to get there extra early. At 7:30 I began walking to the Capitol and by the time I got there, the line was already three blocks long.

I amused myself in line by people watching (I had brought a great book to read, but I can't read standing up... go figure). There was wide variety of Republican and McCain paraphernalia. Of course, eight years ago, these party faithful probably despised McCain. That's why the sensible voter relies on issues and not personality [WARNING: POLITICAL TANGENT AHEAD]. I think endorsing a candidate is useless and narcissistic, but here's my stance on a few issues. I'll let you guess who will win my vote.

• I believe a smaller government is a good thing (this is one area where Bush has clearly failed us).
• I believe lowering taxes across the board is an unequivically good thing.
• I'm am very much pro-life.
• (Security/defense) Biden has said Obama will be tested in the first six months of his administration. That's probably true and in and of itself isn't a damning statement. Who knows, he might surprise Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and pass that test with flying colors. The question remains: Do you want someone who might pass the test and show his mettle, or do you want someone who was tested for five years in a POW camp and passed with flying colors?
• (Willing to cross the aisle) Do you want the most liberal person in the senate to be president, or would you prefer someone who has been the very definition of bi-partisan and centrist for 30 years, so much so that he has angered the Republican elite in years passed?
• I believe the 2nd Amendment is a sacred right. We need an Administration willing to defend that right.
  
• The Fairness Doctrine is wrong and is a violation of the 1st Amendment. We need an Administration willing to be the check and balance against an overwhelmingly democratic Congress that has public said it will be on their agenda.
• I believe we need to secure our borders (this is another area where Bush has failed and McCain is soft).
  

Back to the rally.

The gates opened at 8 and we slowly filed in. I was in the riffraff "white ticket" crowd. Those with yellow tickets got to sit on the Capitol steps. Lucky jerks. OK, so they were mostly veterans. Sure, I staked my claim in the third row with a nice 3/4 view of the podium, but I also ended up standing for nearly six hours. I'm not built for that. Normal humans aren't built for that.

Organizers tried to keep the crowd happy until the appointed hour by pumping in music. You haven't lived until you've seen/heard 20,000 Republicans rocking out to "American Pie." (See the last video below.) Jefferson City is only home to 39,000.

Local and state Republicans took the stage beginning at 11 or so. There were many jokes and jabs at Democrats. A few of them were funny. A few of them. At one point, gubernatorial candidate Kenny Hullshof had us turn around and shout at the offices of the attorney general and his democratic opponent, Jay Nixon. Nixon is going to clean his clock, but it was fun for a few seconds. The best jab of the day was when Random Republican (I lost track) said "I know some of you think it's too late to register to vote. I have good news! ACORN is here and they're ready to squeeze you all in!" Touche Random Republican. Touche.

Finally, it was time for Tina Fey to take the stage. She emerged from the doors of the Capitol and made her way down the steps as Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 played over the PA. I would have preferred something fun like North to Alaska but 9 to 5 is OK. Her husband, Todd, was there too. No word on Track, Trig, Tractor, Truckstop or Trichenosis.

Speaking of music, who got the honor of introducing Gov. Palin? Why, Hank Williams, Jr. (inexplicably nicknamed, "Bocephus"), of course! (FYI, Wikipedia says that it's "BoCephus" and not "Bosephus.")

He started off with National Anthem (see video below) and then went right into a McCain-Palinized version of his (I'm told) hit, Family Tradition (again, see video below). The Dems get Ludacris, Repubs get Bocephus. His song isn't exactly going to go down in the annals of history as a shining example of political rhetoric, but I guess some people liked it. He'll probably help McCain cinch the all-important female grizzly vote in Idaho (keep reading). Me, I could have done without it.

The left wing liberal media have
Always been a real close knit family
But, most of the American People
Don't believe em anyway ya see
Stop and think it over
Before you make your decision
If they smell something
They're gonna come down strong
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

Now this old Union's got problems
That is plain to see
The Democrats bankrupted Fannie Mae N Freddie Mac
Just like 1, 2, 3
The bankers didn't want to make all those bad loans,
But Bill Clinton said you got to
Now they want a bail out, what I'm talking about
Is a Democrat liberal who do

CHORUS
John N Sarah tell ya
Just what they think
And they're not gonna blink
And they're gonna fix this country
Cause they're just like you N ole Hank
Yes John is a maverick
And Sarah fixed Alaska's broken condition
They're gonna go just fine
We're headed for better times
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

I am very proud of America's name
Bu no society is perfect
And we have had our stains
If I'm down at the coffee shop and
Somebody wants to give our flag friction
We say please move on
Cause we're standing strong
That's an old John McCain tradition

Some are bound to tell you I'm
Preaching to the choir
And that is very true
And we are going even higher
Like a mama bear in Idaho
She'll protect your family's condition
If you mess with her cubs
She's gonna take off the gloves
It's an American female tradition

Repeat Chorus

Hank Hill would have loved it.

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY Palin spoke. She was pretty much on message, although I was very upset that she used a teleprompter. A) Aren't we picking on Obama for being too reliant on a script? and B) it's totally blocked my perfect view that I fought for.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE

How perfect would that shot have been?

Then it was over, except for the baby-kissing and thumbs up when someone shouted "Barracuda." For a first political rally (and one that will likely be meaningless this time Wednesday) it was pretty fun and VERY interesting. My observations and final thoughts:

• When I run for office, there will be chairs. Lots and lots of chairs.
  
• My supporters (or enemies) can hold up any sign they want. I hate to say there is anything fake about the campaign, but the truth must be told. I already mentioned they confiscated all the signs at the gate. Once you got inside, they passed out new signs. I watched them pass them out. They were all the same size and were stacked in order (red, then white, then blue) to ensure a proper distribution among the crowd. I'm sure 100 percent of the sentiments on the signs were heartfelt and genuine (otherwise, why wave it around like a mad man) but it's still a little weird. That said, they had some pretty fun signs. My fav: "The Moose is Lose!" "Happy Palin Day!" one of the ones left outside the gate, is also awesome.
  
• Todd Palin looks tired.
• Republicans are very creative when it comes to head wear
  
• The Secret Service dudes (and two dudettes) were on the ball.
• At least three black Missourians support McCain-Palin. Don't tell Jesse Jackson.
  
• I'm over this whole Joe the Plumber thing. I was glad he didn't make an appearance.
  
• Sarah Palin looks very good in jeans.
• Be sure you check out my pix.
  

A few short videos:

IFOP

My fascination with the postal system and postcards is well-documented and it wouldn't be a stretch to call me obsessed. My real concern while I was in St. Louis this week was not to cover my beat or even to see my buddy Luis. No, it was to make sure I made it to the International Bowling Hall of Fame to see if they had any fun postcards to add to my To Send To Kelly pile. Tragically, they were closed.

The Internet is the cause of a sharp decline in good old fashioned snail mail. Why send a postcard when you can blog? (The real question is why not do both?) However, the marriage of the Internet and the International Fraternity of Postcardiophiles (IFOP) has led to a marvelous new wrinkle in my addiction: Postcrossing.

You sign up and are given five addresses of fellow IFOPers across the globe along with a tracking number. You write that tracking number on the card and when they receive it, they register that number on the website and your address goes to a sender somewhere else on the planet.

Yes, it's exactly like that pyramid-style "hairbow club*" Move-your-name-to-the-top-of-the-list scam my sister did when she was in 2nd Grade, and no, I don't care. It IS a little bit different in that the emergence of the Internet allows for a much bigger community pool (there are 71,000 members) and a better/faster management system. Since it knows your location and the destinations, your "postcard mileage" is also tracked and mapped out via a Google Maps layer. Fun!

My first five were dropped in the mail today and are winging their way to Finland, Germany, Austria, Singapore and Australia.

Whereas my obsession is rather general scope, many "serious" IFOPers have chosen to specialize in certain genres. In your Postcrossing Profile you can specify the types of postcards you'd prefer to receive. Mr. Austria requested I send the card in unused mint condition in an envelope and Ms. Australia likes fine art postcards or those featuring churches/cathedrals. (I obliged Austria and stuck Australia with pick of the Capitol.)

But wait! Did Maija from Finland have any special requests? I'm glad you asked.

Hi! I'm Maija! I love travelling (I wanna go to interrail!) and all kind of cute things like small jars, cupcakes, black and white cards and old pictures. I like handmade cards and that’s why I try to make cards by myself for you (of course I can send you some normal card if you want!) I’ll be very happy if you send me a piece of milkcarton (if there is a picture about cow in the milkcarton I hope you send it to me) because of I collect them! :---)

Thank you! ♥

P.S. I hope u write something in your own language. It would be very cool 8) (and of course if u write the same in English and in your language, it's perfect!)

P.P.S. I have got a cat, so if your cat/some other animal wants to send a card to him, send a card to Pekka!

Finlanders are nuts. Of course, it's only by the narrowest of shreds of dignity that I am able to resist sending a disassembled milk carton to Helsinki. Feel free to e-mail me for Pekka's address.

Dear Pekka - Your owner is nuts.

Sigh. So am I.



*Seriuosly. She was waaaaaaaaaaay into hairbows.

Daniel Stern was also awesome in "Rookie of the Year"

As previously mentioned, earlier this week I was heartbroken to be turned away by the locked doors and dimmed lights of the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum. Not to be denied, I called this morning to confirm their hours and casually let the receptionist know I peeved they'd closed early. According the nice recorded voice on the other end of the line, they're only open Thursday through Sunday. Mind you, that's just for the month of October. November through September their open six days a week. Bowling Fail.

(Honestly, I'm just in it for the postcards. I know. I'm sick.)

As I Googled around looking for the above photo (it's not stealing if you provide a link... at least that's what I tell myself), I came across the following entry by a fellow blogger.

The lobby used to house a large Bowling Ball, also, that patrons could roll around, but according to the first receptionist I talked with, it took up too much space. Located right across the street from Bush stadium, the Bowling Museum is housed in the same building as the Cardinals Hall of Fame, so you get two, two, two sports in one!

Thoughts:

• Wow, and I thought I had a comma problem.
• Who knew that "Bowling Ball" was a proper noun.
  
• It's Busch Stadium. Think beer, not president.
• NO MORE GIANT BOWLING BALL?
• It's totally unrelated, but a random episode of The Wonder Years just popped into my head. It was one of the later episodes when Kevin stopped being a cute little boy. How cool is Daniel Stern?
  

The pins are all different sizes, suspended from the ceiling in the entrance atrium. From the balcony you get a great perspective on the prominant pins, cascading down into the gift area. In the depths of the museum you'll also find a Bowling Pin car, made on the frame of a 1936 Studebaker.

• I'm in no position to pick on any one's spelling or aversion to spell check, so I'll give "prominant" a pass.
• You could get the same "perspective" on bowling pins at your local alley.

The largest leading pin is approximately 20' long, fiberglass over a lightweight frame. The nice man at the counter during the early-morning waiting sessions described having to paint the monsters, filling in cracks and trying to reach up and over the monsterous swaying things to apply fresh paint... not a job for the timid.

• I am so so mad I missed out on one of those "early-morning waiting sessions." There's nothing like the thrill you get when you get up before the sun rise for a good ol' fashioned wait.
  

(______________)

Ooooooooh... I get it. It's a play on "You've been punked." It's still not funny.

Confession: I rely way too heavily on parenthetical statements (I also misuse them). Can I help it if I think in clumsy parenthetical thoughts, subordinate clauses and asides? Clearly, I cannot. Shut up, grammar gestapo.

As if You Cared

Last year, I suggested a few options should my current institution of part-time higher learning decide to field an athletic team and poll me for mascot ideas. (They have yet to do so.)

My suggestions:

• The Dippers
• The Johns
• The Saints
• The Spires
• The (Bible) Thumpers
• The (Bible) Belters
• The Holy Rollers
• The Midwesterners (obvious, non-fun choice)

No one cares, but another idea popped into my head last night as I was drifting off to sleep. It turns out being among 2,000 other Baptists fighting for a few seats at local eateries was inspiring. I think it’s a winner: The Potluckers. It the perfect metaphor for what who we are. Namely, people who like to eat.

That’s not to be confused with pot lickers. Or pot stickers. Hmm… The Pot Stickers…

Meet Me In St. Louis

Not to pat myself on the back, but I'm kinda proud of this picture.

Things were a little slow at the convention this afternoon so I decided to be a tourist. I was a good 50 yards from the end of the line forming to go through the metal detectors when I was stopped by a burly National Park Ranger. She spoke loudly and was careful to enunciate, as if I was a deaf, bewildered tourist with limited English.

“SIR – YOU ARE ENTERING A NATIONAL MONUMENT – PLEASE REMOVE YOUR BELT!”

Sheesh, lady, at least offer to buy me dinner first.

Click here if you’d care to see my pictures. Everyone thinks their pictures of The Arch are artsy and it’s practically a law that everyone who takes a photo there take a low angle shot up the 630-foot-tall Arch (Sgt. Lose-the-belt enforces said law).

The “tram” ride up was bearable. Just. I’ve seen truck tires larger than this “pod” they tried to cram three Arch-goers and me into. (I know I’ve just ended a sentence in a preposition, but I can’t figure out how to reword it. “Into which they tried to cram…”? It’s a relatively quick four minutes up and three down. I’m glad I did it, and it was worth the $10 ticket. Just. The views are nice but wow, 630 feet high is REALLY high. Taller than the Washington Monument, the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower. (Fun fact, it’s also exactly 630 feet wide. Who knew?)

Before I braved the ride to the top, I walked a few blocks across downtown to another world-famous tourist attraction. That’s right, ladies and germs, the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum! Much to my chagrin (seriously, I was muchly chagrined), they were closed! Their posted hours showed I was there at the right time, but alas, I was denied. I’m going to go back before I leave Wednesday (I’m going to call ahead first). I hope I can stay dressed for it.

Here’s a thought: Whether you’re on the banks on of the Mississippi under the shadow of The Arch or you’re standing in line waiting for your flight to Newark (seriously, who goes to Newark?), there’s a walk-through metal detector and grey, empty-your-pockets bin in your immediate future. Instead of causing delays by having everyone de-belt, why not let people stay dressed and just run a hand-held detector over every person? A half visual inspection of the buckle can insure the belt is kosher. BK, you’re asking, that would be horribly inefficient. Ahh, not so. If we went to the handheld wand exclusively, we could buy 10 AND hire 10 TSA screeners for the price of the walk-through detector. Don’t thank me - it’s my duty as a pants-wearing citizen.

(For the record, I know that’s a stupid idea. I just wanted an excuse to make a weak joke about Newark and things got a little out of hand.)

Good Job, Opie

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

If you're going to do a "get out and vote for Obama" video, THIS is how it's done.

This, is not.

Say 'Aloha' to Socialism

What do you mean socialism doesn't work?

(Via FoxNews) HONOLULU — Hawaii is dropping the only state universal child health care program in the country just seven months after it launched.

Gov. Linda Lingle's administration cited budget shortfalls and other available health care options for eliminating funding for the program. A state official said families were dropping private coverage so their children would be eligible for the subsidized plan.

"People who were already able to afford health care began to stop paying for it so they could get it for free," said Dr. Kenny Fink, the administrator for Med-QUEST at the Department of Human Services. "I don't believe that was the intent of the program."

State officials said Thursday they will stop giving health coverage to the 2,000 children enrolled by Nov. 1, but private partner Hawaii Medical Service Association will pay to extend their coverage through the end of the year without government support.

"We're very disappointed in the state's decision, and it came as a complete surprise to us," said Jennifer Diesman, a spokeswoman for HMSA, the state's largest health care provider. "We believe the program is working, and given Hawaii's economic uncertainty, we don't think now is the time to cut all funding for this kind of program."

Hawaii lawmakers approved the health plan in 2007 as a way to ensure every child can get basic medical help. The Keiki (child) Care program aimed to cover every child from birth to 18 years old who didn't already have health insurance — mostly immigrants and members of lower-income families.

It costs the state about $50,000 per month, or $25.50 per child — an amount that was more than matched by HMSA.

State health officials argued that most of the children enrolled in the universal child care program previously had private health insurance, indicating that it was helping those who didn't need it.

The Republican governor signed Keiki Care into law in 2007, but it and many other government services are facing cuts as the state deals with a projected $900 million general fund shortfall by 2011.

While it's difficult to determine how many children lack health coverage in the islands, estimates range from 3,500 to 16,000 in a state of about 1.3 million people. All were eligible for the program.

"Children are a lot more vulnerable in terms of needing care," said Democratic Sen. Suzanne Chun Oakland. "It's not very good to try to be a leader and then renege on that commitment."

The universal health care system was free except for copays of $7 per office visit.

Stayin' Alive

Instead of obsessing over the latest polls or pontificating on "Joe the Plumber," it's nice to see that there are still some journalists who are willing to tackle the real issues and bring them to bear on our lives. There's even a Queen shout out! Some day, if I'm lucky I'll get to write a story about CPR with a line as awesome as "Gilbert said he's not really a disco fan."

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- "Stayin' Alive" might be more true to its name than the Bee Gees ever could have guessed: At 103 beats per minute, the old disco song has almost the perfect rhythm to help jump-start a stopped heart.

In a small but intriguing study from the University of Illinois medical school, doctors and students maintained close to the ideal number of chest compressions doing CPR while listening to the catchy, sung-in-falsetto tune from the 1977 movie "Saturday Night Fever."

The American Heart Association recommends 100 chest compressions per minute, far more than most people realize, study author Dr. David Matlock of the school's Peoria, Illinois, campus said Thursday.

And while CPR can triple cardiac arrest survival rates when properly performed, many people hesitate to do it because they're not sure about keeping the proper rhythm, Matlock said.

He found that "Stayin' Alive," which has a way of getting stuck in your head anyway, can help with that.

His study involved 15 students and doctors and had two parts. First they did CPR on mannequins while listening to the song on iPods. They were asked to time chest compressions with the song's beat.

Five weeks later, they did the same drill without the music but were told to think of the song while doing compressions.

The average number of compressions the first time was 109 per minute; the second time it was 113. That's more than recommended, but Matlock said that when it comes to trying to revive a stopped heart, a few extra compressions per minute is better than too few.

"It drove them and motivated them to keep up the rate, which is the most important thing," he said.

The study showed the song helped people who already know how to do CPR, and the results were promising enough to warrant larger, more definitive studies with real patients or untrained people, Matlock said.

He plans to present his findings at an American College of Emergency Physicians meeting in Chicago this month.

It turns out the American Heart Association has been using the song as a training tip for CPR instructors for about two years.

They learned of it from a physician "who sort of hit upon this as a training tool," said association spokesman Dr. Vinay Nadkarni of the University of Pennsylvania.

He said he was not aware of any previous studies that tested the song.

But Nadkarni said he has seen "Stayin' Alive" work wonders in classes where students were having trouble keeping the right beat while practicing on mannequins. When he turned on the song, "all of a sudden, within just a few seconds, they get it right on the dot."

"I don't know how the Bee Gees knew this," Nadkarni said. "They probably didn't. But they just hit upon this natural rhythm that was very catchy, very popular, that helps us do the right thing."

Dr. Matthew Gilbert, a 28-year-old medical resident, was among participants in the University of Illinois study this past spring. Since then, he said, he has revived real patients by keeping the song in his head while doing CPR.

Gilbert said he was surprised the song worked as well as it did.

"I was a little worried because I've been told that I have a complete lack of rhythm," he said. Also, Gilbert said he's not really a disco fan.

He does happen to like a certain Queen song with a similar beat.

"I heard a rumor that 'Another One Bites the Dust' works also, but it didn't seem quite as appropriate," Gilbert said.

Where has this guy been?

Hilarious! But does anyone else think McCain looks like a Bond villain?