23.11.07

Name Them One by One




The following is courtesy my man Johnson Oatman. In 1897, he penned the following:


When upon life's billows You are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged Thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings Name them one by one

And it will surprise you What the Lord has done

Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your blessings See what God has done
Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your many blessings See what God has done

Are you ever burdened With a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy You are called to bear?

Count your many blessings Every doubt will fly

And you will be singing As the days go by

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your blessings See what God has done

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your many blessings See what God has done

When you look at others With their lands and gold

Think that Christ has promised You His wealth untold

Count your many blessings Money cannot buy

Your reward in heaven Nor your home on high

Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your blessings See what God has done
Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your many blessings See what God has done


So, amid the conflict Whether great or small

Do not be discouraged God is over all

Count your many blessings Angels will attend

Help and comfort give you To your journey's end


Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your blessings See what God has done
Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your many blessings See what God has done

14.11.07

Bad Santa


As if mandating that Santa must lose weight wasn't enough, now we're being told his trademark "HO HO HO!" should be changed to "Ha ha ha!" because 1) the original is offensive to women and 2) a long "o" sound can be frightening to children.

Come on, people.

7.11.07

Liberté, égalité, fraternité



Although I have a long standing record of disliking France and the French people, I find I'm beginning soften in my old age.

In January, 2006 I spent several days in Paris and found the people there polite, helpful and not smelly at all. Now, a little less than two years later, I find out they're pretty darn smart too: Today, His Excellency, Nicolas Sarkosy, President of the Republic of France, has taken steps that further elevates France to the No. 2 position on my list of favorite countries. If I hadn't heard these words being translated for myself, I never would have believed them. This man sounds more American than most of those in Washington.


Fry me up some French fries and remind me to send Sarkosy a thank-you card for the Statue of Liberty.

A few of his quotes from his speech today before a joint session of the U.S. Congress:
On Franco-American relations:
"We may disagree on things, we may even have arguments as in any family, but in times of difficulty, in times of hardship, one stands true to one's friends, one stands shoulder to shoulder with them, one supports them and one helps them."
"Our duty is to remain true to the blood spilled by our children on both sides of the Atlantic."
On the American Dream:
"The American Dream was from the very outset a matter of putting into practice what the Old World and had dreamt of without every being able to accomplish it. The American Dreams means proving to all men and women throughout the world that freedom and justice, human rights and democracy were not a Utopia, but were the most realistic policy there is and the most likely to improve the lot and fate of each one."
On American work ethic:
"To the millions of men and women who came from every country of the world and with their own hands, their intelligence and hearts built the greatest nation in the world, America did not say come and everything will be given to you, she said 'Come, and the only limits of what you will be able to achieve will be the those of your own courage, boldness and talents.' In America, failure is never the last word. Here, in your country on this soil, both the most humble and most illustrious citizen know nothing is owed to them and that everything has to be earned. That is what constitutes the moral value of America."
On America as a beacon of freedom:
"America did not teach man the idea of freedom, she taught him how to practice freedom. And America fought for this freedom whenever she felt it to be threatened or jeopardy. It was by watching America grow that men and women understood that freedom and liberty were possible and it that that gives you a special responsibility. What made America great was her ability to transform her own dream, the American Dream, into a source of hope for all mankind."
On the U.S. involvement in WWI and WWII:
"The people of my generation heard their grandparents talk about how, in 1917, America saved France. At a time when my country had reached the limits of its strength, at a time when France had exhausted its strength in the most absurd and bloodiest of wars, France was able to count upon the courage of American soldiers, and I have come to say to you that on behalf of the French people, never, never will we forget that. The men and women of my generation heard their parents talk about how American returned in 1944 to free us of the horrifying tyranny that threatened to enslave us. Fathers in my country took their sons to see the vast cemeteries where under white crosses, thousands of American soldiers lay; who had fallen not to defend their own freedom but the freedom of all others; who died far from their homes not to defend their families or homeland, but to defend humanity as a whole. That is why we love America. And the fathers took their sons to the beaches, the beaches where the young men of America had so heroically landed. And the fathers read to their sons, the admirable letters of farewell that those soldiers, those 20-year-old soldiers had written to the their families before battle to say to them, 'We don't consider ourselves to be heroes, we want this war to be over. But however much dread we may feel, you can count on us.' Before they landed, Eisenhower told them, and we not forgotten in Europe these words, 'The eyes of the world are upon you, young men of America. The hopes and prayers of all liberty loving people march with you.' The children of my generation, as they listened to their fathers and as they watched movies, as they read history books and the letters of your soldiers as they died on our beaches of Normandy or Provence, as they visited the cemeteries where the Star Spangled banner flies, the children of my generation have understood that these young, 20-year men were true heroes, to whom we owed the fact that we were free people, not slave. America liberated us, and this is an eternal debt we owe America. As president of the French Republic, my duty is to say to the people of America, that you represent, in its vast diversity, that the people of France will never forget the sacrifice of your children. And to the families of those who did not come back, to those children who cries for the loss of their fathers, who they had no time to know, the gratitude of France, is forever. On behalf on my generation that did not suffer under the war, on behalf of those children who will always remember and to all your veterans, I want to express the deep, sincere gratitude of the French people."
On modern fraternité:
"[America's and France's historical relationship] is more important than disagreements that we have, may have had, or any disagreement we may yet have. That sacrifice is the bedrock of America and France."
"On one of our major daily newspapers, the headline read on Sept. 11, 2001, 'Today We are All Americans.'"
"Every time an American solider falls somewhere in the world, I think of what the American Army did for France. I think of them and I am sad, as one is saddened to lose a member of one's family."
On the American Spirit:
"What is most extraordinary to me is that it seems that America emerges ever greater and stronger from the adversity and the challenges it faces. Instead of causing America to engage in self-doubt, these difficulties only strengthened her belief in her values. What makes America strong, the strength of this ideal that is shared by all Americans, and by all those who love her because they love freedom. America's strength is not only a material strength, it is first and foremost a moral strength, a spiritual strength."
"On [Sept. 11, 2001], when you were mourning so many dead, never had America appeared to me so great, so dignified, so strong. The terrorists thought they had weakened you, but they made you greater, and the people of America were admired world-wide for their courage. That is the truth."
On fighting against terror:
"Today as in the past, it is together that we must fight to defend and promote the values and ideals of democracy, that men such as Washington and Lafayette coined together. Together, United, we must fight against terror."
"Failure is not an option. Terrorism will not prevail, because democracies are not entitled to be weak and because we, the free world, are not afraid of this new barbarism. because of that, America can count on France in its battle on terror."
Hmm. I'm beginning to think Sarkosy would make a good running mate for Fred in '08...

5.11.07

Blame St. Nick for all Your Problems


Good news! It's no longer my fault that I'm overweight! Forget the fact that I knowingly choose to eat fatty foods, shun veggies and perfer to watch mediocre-at-best television shows instead of exercising, no! It's all Santa's fault! His carbon-emitting, eight-reindeer sleigh is probably to blame for global warming, too. Santa is a role model for children; he should totally be driving a hybrid by now. He's probably withholding the cure for cancer, too. Jerk. Where's my lawyer?

31.10.07

A Trick and no Treat


If you come to my house begging for candy dressed up this way, you're getting a can of green beans. This one, however, will get you a 5-pound bag of the candy of your choice.

29.10.07

Announcing 'A Rough Cut'


Click on over to A Rough Cut for movie reviews by yours truly.

26.10.07

Geography Quiz, No. 2



Again, I hate to nitpick, but it's Ma-low(rhymes with cow)- ee, not Mala-weigh

Geography Quiz, No. 1



I hate to nitpick, but it's Jefferson City, not Jefferson and it's a good 100 miles west of where the star is.

17.10.07

The Man, the Genius, the Quotes.



"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose."

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so."

"Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong."

"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."

"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."

"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

"The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program."

"I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."

"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."

"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women."

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under."

"All great change in America begins at the dinner table."

"Before I refuse to answer your questions, I have an opening statement."

"Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the United States."

"Facts are stubborn things."

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same."

"Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They're just braver five minutes longer."

"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."

"Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born."

15.10.07

A Box of Chocolates will keep you awake all night



If it's midnight and you're trying to get drowsy by flipping channels, pray you don't stumble across Forrest Gump. Not only will you have to finish it, but you'll be up until 3:30 a.m. trying to remember Gary Senise's name.