We can't all be Catholic. Sigh.

I'm glad I'm not a Catholic for a variety of reasons, but one of the major perks is that they have a substantial corner of the fast food industry catering to their every whim. Case in point: the sudden resurgence of the Fillet-O-Fish at McDonald's and other such fishy food items just in time for Lent! I've never tried a Fillet-O-Fish, but if the hamburgers at McD's are that iffy, I don't want to go anywhere near the fish. Still, I appreciate the effort.

Although the Fillet-O-Fish (which was created just for Lent to keep a Cincinnati McD's afloat during this anti-beef on Fridays season) is available year 'round, its marketing campaign has just now hit its stride. KFC has brought back the campaign for their Fish Snacker (complete with papal blessing!). Even Long John Silver's, which would seem to be Lent-friendly anyway, has rolled out new menu items to commemorate this Holy season of sacrifice. (Because nothing suggests faithfulness and sacrifice like choosing LJS over Burger King for the five Fridays in that 40-day stretch.)

Then there's Taco Bell (see photo above). The 40 days of Lent represent the 40 days Jesus spent alone in the desert, where he fasted (completely... not even a single taco) and endure temptation from Satan just before His trial/crucifixion. I'm sure even today He's touched by good little Catholics "suffering" through that 1/2 pound Cheesy Bean Burrito with the side of Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes instead of cutting into a nice KC Strip. Actually, that burrito does kind of sound like torture. Cheesy Fiesta torture to foreshadow Christ's eventual Cheesy Fiesta crucifixion.

But back to fish. Even my favorite local hole-in-the-wall dive restaurant here in Jeff specializes in (giant) fried catfish on Fridays this time of year. At noon at the end of the work week, I don't mind pretending to be a Catholic. Now if McDonald's would just put that diner's giant catfish fillet on a sesame seed bun, that'd be something.

What would it look like if restaurants catered to Baptists? Oh weight (I mean wait). We already have those. They're called buffets.

Seriously, a 1/2 pound bean burrito?

Darn Kids

( This isn't my mailbox. I keep my grass neatly trimmed.)

For the fifth time in two months, I arrived home from work yesterday to find my mailbox laying on the ground. The odds of the wind uprooting the wooden stake and throwing the mailbox down this many times seem pretty low. I'm putting my money on the hooligans who wait in my yard each morning for the school bus and return there each day at 3:00.

I've seen them open and close my mailbox before, and it's only a matter of time before I catch the little boogers in the act of tearing down my mailbox. I just need to invest in a security camera system. Darn kids and their new fangled "Rock-N-Roll" music. Back in my day, not only did we walk eight miles to school barefoot in the snow, but as law-abiding citizens, we also showed appropriate respect for the United States mail. To wit,

Title 18, United States Code
Section 1705. Destruction of letter boxes or mail
Whoever willfully or maliciously injures, tears down or destroys any letter box or other receptacle intended or used for the receipt or delivery of mail on any mail route, or breaks open the same, or willfully or maliciously injures, defaces or destroys any mail deposited therein, shall be fined up to $250,000 under this title or imprisoned not more than three years.


Even though the U.S. Postal Inspectors are infamous for their "The Geneva Conventions Don't Apply to Us" attitude when it come to detaining their suspects, I some how doubt they'd fine a seventh grader $250,000 and I'm willing to bet he wouldn't even be arrested, let a lone spend three years in juvi (even though it IS a federal crime). His friends might stop tearing down my "letter box," but they probably would start throwing eggs at my house, which I'm pretty sure is not federal crime and would not cause Johnny Law to come a-runnin'. It probably wouldn't help to "obtain a self-adhesive Label 33 from the Postal Inspection Service which warns that willful damage to mail boxes and theft of mail is a crime."

For now, I guess this mail nerd will just keep on picking up my mailbox and digging new holes. Just don't let me see you jacking up my mailbox. Punk.

Fun Fact: "mailbox" is one word, while "letter box" is two. Learning is fun, 'cause knowledge is power!

Must-See TV

(Note to picky people: Blogger's spell check is down.)

Sadly, the matra of the first Sunday of Februrary these last few years has been "I only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials." What's even more sad is that lately the commercials have been just as lame as the game.

Last night's broadcast, however, delivered on commercial and football fronts. My boss just told me the game was the highest rated Super Bowl ever and the second highest rated show of all time. It was easily the most exciting pro game this year, and probably the best I've ever seen. Somehow the Giants became the giant killers.

Eli Manning, the NY Giants' QB has been facing a gauntlet of detractors questioning his ability to step up when it counts. Yesterday, he stepped up and answered them all with a big, loud IN YOUR FACE! Actually, he's much too polite to do that. He now joins brother Peyton and father Archie to be the only family in history with three Super Bowl winners.

(Click to watch this GREAT highlight.) With just 1:15 to go, and the 18-0 Patriots clinging to a 4-point lead, Manning took the snap on a third and 5 from his own 44 yard line. The pocket collapsed around him in what looked to be a sure sack, but he some how dissapperated and reappeared four yards behind the scrum. With Patriot's defensive linemen's hands clawing at his jersey, he through a wobbly pass off the back of his foot to receiver David Tyree who somehow managed to catch the ball, not with his hands, but with this helmet. Four plays later, Manning connected again for the game winning touchdown to snatch Super Bowl XLII from the "invicible" Patriots, with a final score of 17-14.

I'm not jumping on the Giants' bandwagon, but I will say that Eli Manning and the rest of the team really and trully earned my respect.

But on to the commercials. I save my pick for best commercial for the very end.

Bud Light "Breathing Fire"

I thought this was a pretty funny way to start off the game. Sure, it has nothing to do with the product and yes, it goes for the easy laugh, but the laugh is still there. It may not have left me wishing I had a beer, but it did leave me wishing I could breathe fire.

Audi "Godfather"

A spoof of a classic can't really go wrong, but I could see the payoff way too early. On the plus side, this car looks flat out sexy. Check out those runnign lights!

Diet Pepsi Max "What is Love?"

I've read some "reviews" that diss this commercial for dragging up the old Will Ferrell/Chris Kattan skit, but I happen to really enjoy those skits. So sue me. I thought it was a fun ad and totally related to the head-bobbing thing. Plus, I'm a sucker for a good cameo and Chris Kattan delivers the goods as the commercial winds down. This is my pick for 3rd place.

SalesGenie.com "Ramesh"

I'm up for a good ethnic joke as much as the next guy, but I found this commercial (and other SalesGenie.com commercials) to be down right racist. For a brief moment, I thought they were just going for diversity, but by the end it just turned into a bad Apu impression. Also, I can't possibly see how they can deliver a product that lives up to their promise. How are they supposed to swoop in and drum up 100 clients when they have no idea your client base, etc. If you need this service, you're a bad salesman. If the service actually works for you, you're a HORRIBLE salesman.

Bud Light "Wine and Cheese"

This one had me laughing the instant I saw the cheese. You just can't go wrong with cheese. It's comedy gold. My new favorite phrase? "Going on a cheese run."

Under Armour

This was pretty, good as are most Under Armour commericials, but not as good as their classic "We Must Protect this House!" Apparently they're making shoes now. Hmmph. Apparently they prefer the British spelling of "armor," too.

Bridgestone "Scream"

This one started out funny, then the gag got old. It was just OK.

Doritos "Folk Song"

This didn't really do it for me, for props to Doritos for following through on their concept and giving a young new artist a break.

Wanted

I normally can't stand Angelie Jolie, but this movie looks pretty freakin' awesome. At least is has Morgan Freeman and James McAvoy.

G2 "Jeter"

I'm watching a football game; why do I care about Derek Jeter. The concept of these commercials is cool enough, but I don't know why they were released a few months ago and not during the Super Bowl.

GoDaddy.com "Exposure"

GoDaddy's commercials are always lame, but I'm willing to bet this one was effective in driving traffic to their site. Sadly. The "banned" commercial their aired commercial points you to is pretty tasteless. I've never been a huge Danica Patrick fan, but I'm more than a little dissapointed she would stoop this low.

Dell "Slap"

This one make me laugh at first, but overall, I give it a C at best.

FedEx "Pidgeons"

This one seemed like a lame duck (I mean, pidgeon) but it got very funny very quick. Kudos to FedEx.

Cars.com "Ring of Death"

This was another one that was genuinely funny.

Tide "My Talking Stain"

Although it sounds like one of the worse epsiodes of Scrubs, this was a funny AND effective commerical. That's a rare combo.

Budweiser "Training"

This is one of my finalists for best commercial of the night. Anytime you mix Rocky and semi-anthropromorhpic animals, you have my vote.

Toyota Carola "Badgers"

This is a little silly for a brand I normally consider to be a little stuffy, but it mostly works. The key here was hiring John O'Hurley (J. Peterman from Seinfeld) as the voice talent. Anyone else, and the spot would have fallen flat.

Garmin "Napoleon"

This is pretty clever, and although it pokes fun at Napoleon's small stature, it just didn't connect with my funny bone. Also, I know for a fact you can't stare at your GPS and use it to drive ala a heads up display.

Careerbuilder.com "Heart"

This commercial flatout creeped me out. I thought it as something about heart attacks. Note to advertisers: America doesn't want to see people's internal organs popping out to berate their owners boss.

Sobe "Lizards"

This was just weird. Naomi Campbell and a bunch of lizards dancing to Thriller. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK.

ONDCP "Medicine Cabinet"

I couldn't tell if this was supposed to be serious or funny. Either way, I think they missed the mark. In a way, it's also sad to see that even drug dealers are feeling the pinch of the slowing economy. Jay and Silent Bob would figure something out. That what successful capitalists do. They innovate.

GMC "Sysiphas"

GMC went quiet, sophisicated route and as far as quiet, sophiscated ads go, it works.

Bud Light "Language of Love"

This is a good example of how to play the race card (take note, SalesGenie.com). "Bood-Light!"

Narnia "Prince Caspian"

Call me a hater, but I prefer Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings.

Planters "Instinctively Good"

This one probably looked really good on paper, but was creepy/disturbing in its final execution.

More commericals to come.

T-Mobile "Charles Barkley's Fav Five"

This is a sequel to a much less funny T-Mobile commercial from last year. Still, it's not all that amazing, if only because Charles Barkley is a lousy actor. How old is he?

Pepsi "JT"

This is just slightly above average, but Justin Timberlakes steps up a notch or two at the end when he really sells his line: "Hey to you." That helped erase the creepiness that was Andy Samberg.

Doritos "Mouse Trap"

This one reminds me of the Audi commercial, and it's every bit as surreal.

Semi-Pro #1

I'm a big Will Ferrell fan and I am anxiously awaiting the release of Semi-Pro, but this ad is retarded.

Claritin "Carl Edwards"

This may have been the only "straight" commercia of the night. They dropped $3 mil for that?

Cars.com "Witch doctor"

This is very much in the same vein as the first Cars.com, but this one isn't near as funny.

SalesGenie.com "Panda"

Also racist. Also stupid.

VitaminWater "Shaq"

This was funny only because of the kid picking his nose halfway through.

Bud Light "Cavemen"

This was definitely Bud Light's worst offering of the night, but it was still OK.

Ice Breakers "Carmen Electra"

This one is way better than it could have been. Not bad.

Bridgestone "Richard Simmons"

Bridgestone gets a pass for having the second best cameo of the night: Richard Simmons. When I first saw, him I was urging Bridgestone: "Do it! Do it!" They did it.

Careerbuilder.com "Wish"

CareerBuilder.com went for creepy again and succeeded with this demented take on Pinoccio.

Hyundai Genesis #1

A 375 HP Hyundai? Has hell frozen over?

Wall-E

I really want to see this movie and enjoyed the commercial. I just can't get the fun way he pronounces his name out of my head. "WaAaAaAl-eeeee."

Jumper

Blah.

E Trade

Yeah, it's a little rougher than Baby Bob, but I still like this one. Even the little spit up thing was OK.

Bud Lite "Bud Flight"

Not quite as fun as the Breathing Fire one that aired earlier, but pretty funny. Until the guy gets sucked into the jet engine. Don't worry, it's a beer commercial so he survives.

SunSilk

Pretty good, for a shampoo commercial.

Coca-Cola "Jinx"

This was pretty fun and I'd be up near the top of my list, except that I just want to puke when I see James Carville.

Toyota Sequoia

Again, Toyota is getting silly. Good for them.

Zohan

Umm. Wow. OK.

E Trade "Clown"

My second favorite commercial of the night.

Taco Bell

Poor Taco Bell. They try so hard.

Bud Light "Semi-Pro"

Pretty funny. "Bud Light: Suck one."

G2 "Man's Best Friend"

Much better Gatorade Commercial!

Hyundai Genesis #2

Hyundai thinks they're clever because they reference people critiquign and "buzzing" about Super Bowl ads. They're not. But still, 375 HP?

more to come

Victoria's Secret

I've gotta admit, this was pretty sexy.

Wall-E #2

Heh heh. Infinity and beyond.

AMP

I have a long standing record against clamping anything on nipples, but this was pretty darn funny. It's my pick as the funniest of the night and the second best overall.

Coca-Cola "It's Mine!"

As I watched Stewie and Under Dog battle for the Coke, I knew this was one of my favorites. Then when the ULTIMATE under dog finally gets the Coke in then end, well, it was a no-brainer. Best commercial in several years.