IFOP

My fascination with the postal system and postcards is well-documented and it wouldn't be a stretch to call me obsessed. My real concern while I was in St. Louis this week was not to cover my beat or even to see my buddy Luis. No, it was to make sure I made it to the International Bowling Hall of Fame to see if they had any fun postcards to add to my To Send To Kelly pile. Tragically, they were closed.

The Internet is the cause of a sharp decline in good old fashioned snail mail. Why send a postcard when you can blog? (The real question is why not do both?) However, the marriage of the Internet and the International Fraternity of Postcardiophiles (IFOP) has led to a marvelous new wrinkle in my addiction: Postcrossing.

You sign up and are given five addresses of fellow IFOPers across the globe along with a tracking number. You write that tracking number on the card and when they receive it, they register that number on the website and your address goes to a sender somewhere else on the planet.

Yes, it's exactly like that pyramid-style "hairbow club*" Move-your-name-to-the-top-of-the-list scam my sister did when she was in 2nd Grade, and no, I don't care. It IS a little bit different in that the emergence of the Internet allows for a much bigger community pool (there are 71,000 members) and a better/faster management system. Since it knows your location and the destinations, your "postcard mileage" is also tracked and mapped out via a Google Maps layer. Fun!

My first five were dropped in the mail today and are winging their way to Finland, Germany, Austria, Singapore and Australia.

Whereas my obsession is rather general scope, many "serious" IFOPers have chosen to specialize in certain genres. In your Postcrossing Profile you can specify the types of postcards you'd prefer to receive. Mr. Austria requested I send the card in unused mint condition in an envelope and Ms. Australia likes fine art postcards or those featuring churches/cathedrals. (I obliged Austria and stuck Australia with pick of the Capitol.)

But wait! Did Maija from Finland have any special requests? I'm glad you asked.

Hi! I'm Maija! I love travelling (I wanna go to interrail!) and all kind of cute things like small jars, cupcakes, black and white cards and old pictures. I like handmade cards and that’s why I try to make cards by myself for you (of course I can send you some normal card if you want!) I’ll be very happy if you send me a piece of milkcarton (if there is a picture about cow in the milkcarton I hope you send it to me) because of I collect them! :---)

Thank you! ♥

P.S. I hope u write something in your own language. It would be very cool 8) (and of course if u write the same in English and in your language, it's perfect!)

P.P.S. I have got a cat, so if your cat/some other animal wants to send a card to him, send a card to Pekka!

Finlanders are nuts. Of course, it's only by the narrowest of shreds of dignity that I am able to resist sending a disassembled milk carton to Helsinki. Feel free to e-mail me for Pekka's address.

Dear Pekka - Your owner is nuts.

Sigh. So am I.



*Seriuosly. She was waaaaaaaaaaay into hairbows.

Daniel Stern was also awesome in "Rookie of the Year"

As previously mentioned, earlier this week I was heartbroken to be turned away by the locked doors and dimmed lights of the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum. Not to be denied, I called this morning to confirm their hours and casually let the receptionist know I peeved they'd closed early. According the nice recorded voice on the other end of the line, they're only open Thursday through Sunday. Mind you, that's just for the month of October. November through September their open six days a week. Bowling Fail.

(Honestly, I'm just in it for the postcards. I know. I'm sick.)

As I Googled around looking for the above photo (it's not stealing if you provide a link... at least that's what I tell myself), I came across the following entry by a fellow blogger.

The lobby used to house a large Bowling Ball, also, that patrons could roll around, but according to the first receptionist I talked with, it took up too much space. Located right across the street from Bush stadium, the Bowling Museum is housed in the same building as the Cardinals Hall of Fame, so you get two, two, two sports in one!

Thoughts:

• Wow, and I thought I had a comma problem.
• Who knew that "Bowling Ball" was a proper noun.
  
• It's Busch Stadium. Think beer, not president.
• NO MORE GIANT BOWLING BALL?
• It's totally unrelated, but a random episode of The Wonder Years just popped into my head. It was one of the later episodes when Kevin stopped being a cute little boy. How cool is Daniel Stern?
  

The pins are all different sizes, suspended from the ceiling in the entrance atrium. From the balcony you get a great perspective on the prominant pins, cascading down into the gift area. In the depths of the museum you'll also find a Bowling Pin car, made on the frame of a 1936 Studebaker.

• I'm in no position to pick on any one's spelling or aversion to spell check, so I'll give "prominant" a pass.
• You could get the same "perspective" on bowling pins at your local alley.

The largest leading pin is approximately 20' long, fiberglass over a lightweight frame. The nice man at the counter during the early-morning waiting sessions described having to paint the monsters, filling in cracks and trying to reach up and over the monsterous swaying things to apply fresh paint... not a job for the timid.

• I am so so mad I missed out on one of those "early-morning waiting sessions." There's nothing like the thrill you get when you get up before the sun rise for a good ol' fashioned wait.
  

(______________)

Ooooooooh... I get it. It's a play on "You've been punked." It's still not funny.

Confession: I rely way too heavily on parenthetical statements (I also misuse them). Can I help it if I think in clumsy parenthetical thoughts, subordinate clauses and asides? Clearly, I cannot. Shut up, grammar gestapo.

As if You Cared

Last year, I suggested a few options should my current institution of part-time higher learning decide to field an athletic team and poll me for mascot ideas. (They have yet to do so.)

My suggestions:

• The Dippers
• The Johns
• The Saints
• The Spires
• The (Bible) Thumpers
• The (Bible) Belters
• The Holy Rollers
• The Midwesterners (obvious, non-fun choice)

No one cares, but another idea popped into my head last night as I was drifting off to sleep. It turns out being among 2,000 other Baptists fighting for a few seats at local eateries was inspiring. I think it’s a winner: The Potluckers. It the perfect metaphor for what who we are. Namely, people who like to eat.

That’s not to be confused with pot lickers. Or pot stickers. Hmm… The Pot Stickers…

Meet Me In St. Louis

Not to pat myself on the back, but I'm kinda proud of this picture.

Things were a little slow at the convention this afternoon so I decided to be a tourist. I was a good 50 yards from the end of the line forming to go through the metal detectors when I was stopped by a burly National Park Ranger. She spoke loudly and was careful to enunciate, as if I was a deaf, bewildered tourist with limited English.

“SIR – YOU ARE ENTERING A NATIONAL MONUMENT – PLEASE REMOVE YOUR BELT!”

Sheesh, lady, at least offer to buy me dinner first.

Click here if you’d care to see my pictures. Everyone thinks their pictures of The Arch are artsy and it’s practically a law that everyone who takes a photo there take a low angle shot up the 630-foot-tall Arch (Sgt. Lose-the-belt enforces said law).

The “tram” ride up was bearable. Just. I’ve seen truck tires larger than this “pod” they tried to cram three Arch-goers and me into. (I know I’ve just ended a sentence in a preposition, but I can’t figure out how to reword it. “Into which they tried to cram…”? It’s a relatively quick four minutes up and three down. I’m glad I did it, and it was worth the $10 ticket. Just. The views are nice but wow, 630 feet high is REALLY high. Taller than the Washington Monument, the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower. (Fun fact, it’s also exactly 630 feet wide. Who knew?)

Before I braved the ride to the top, I walked a few blocks across downtown to another world-famous tourist attraction. That’s right, ladies and germs, the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum! Much to my chagrin (seriously, I was muchly chagrined), they were closed! Their posted hours showed I was there at the right time, but alas, I was denied. I’m going to go back before I leave Wednesday (I’m going to call ahead first). I hope I can stay dressed for it.

Here’s a thought: Whether you’re on the banks on of the Mississippi under the shadow of The Arch or you’re standing in line waiting for your flight to Newark (seriously, who goes to Newark?), there’s a walk-through metal detector and grey, empty-your-pockets bin in your immediate future. Instead of causing delays by having everyone de-belt, why not let people stay dressed and just run a hand-held detector over every person? A half visual inspection of the buckle can insure the belt is kosher. BK, you’re asking, that would be horribly inefficient. Ahh, not so. If we went to the handheld wand exclusively, we could buy 10 AND hire 10 TSA screeners for the price of the walk-through detector. Don’t thank me - it’s my duty as a pants-wearing citizen.

(For the record, I know that’s a stupid idea. I just wanted an excuse to make a weak joke about Newark and things got a little out of hand.)

Good Job, Opie

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

If you're going to do a "get out and vote for Obama" video, THIS is how it's done.

This, is not.

Say 'Aloha' to Socialism

What do you mean socialism doesn't work?

(Via FoxNews) HONOLULU — Hawaii is dropping the only state universal child health care program in the country just seven months after it launched.

Gov. Linda Lingle's administration cited budget shortfalls and other available health care options for eliminating funding for the program. A state official said families were dropping private coverage so their children would be eligible for the subsidized plan.

"People who were already able to afford health care began to stop paying for it so they could get it for free," said Dr. Kenny Fink, the administrator for Med-QUEST at the Department of Human Services. "I don't believe that was the intent of the program."

State officials said Thursday they will stop giving health coverage to the 2,000 children enrolled by Nov. 1, but private partner Hawaii Medical Service Association will pay to extend their coverage through the end of the year without government support.

"We're very disappointed in the state's decision, and it came as a complete surprise to us," said Jennifer Diesman, a spokeswoman for HMSA, the state's largest health care provider. "We believe the program is working, and given Hawaii's economic uncertainty, we don't think now is the time to cut all funding for this kind of program."

Hawaii lawmakers approved the health plan in 2007 as a way to ensure every child can get basic medical help. The Keiki (child) Care program aimed to cover every child from birth to 18 years old who didn't already have health insurance — mostly immigrants and members of lower-income families.

It costs the state about $50,000 per month, or $25.50 per child — an amount that was more than matched by HMSA.

State health officials argued that most of the children enrolled in the universal child care program previously had private health insurance, indicating that it was helping those who didn't need it.

The Republican governor signed Keiki Care into law in 2007, but it and many other government services are facing cuts as the state deals with a projected $900 million general fund shortfall by 2011.

While it's difficult to determine how many children lack health coverage in the islands, estimates range from 3,500 to 16,000 in a state of about 1.3 million people. All were eligible for the program.

"Children are a lot more vulnerable in terms of needing care," said Democratic Sen. Suzanne Chun Oakland. "It's not very good to try to be a leader and then renege on that commitment."

The universal health care system was free except for copays of $7 per office visit.

Stayin' Alive

Instead of obsessing over the latest polls or pontificating on "Joe the Plumber," it's nice to see that there are still some journalists who are willing to tackle the real issues and bring them to bear on our lives. There's even a Queen shout out! Some day, if I'm lucky I'll get to write a story about CPR with a line as awesome as "Gilbert said he's not really a disco fan."

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- "Stayin' Alive" might be more true to its name than the Bee Gees ever could have guessed: At 103 beats per minute, the old disco song has almost the perfect rhythm to help jump-start a stopped heart.

In a small but intriguing study from the University of Illinois medical school, doctors and students maintained close to the ideal number of chest compressions doing CPR while listening to the catchy, sung-in-falsetto tune from the 1977 movie "Saturday Night Fever."

The American Heart Association recommends 100 chest compressions per minute, far more than most people realize, study author Dr. David Matlock of the school's Peoria, Illinois, campus said Thursday.

And while CPR can triple cardiac arrest survival rates when properly performed, many people hesitate to do it because they're not sure about keeping the proper rhythm, Matlock said.

He found that "Stayin' Alive," which has a way of getting stuck in your head anyway, can help with that.

His study involved 15 students and doctors and had two parts. First they did CPR on mannequins while listening to the song on iPods. They were asked to time chest compressions with the song's beat.

Five weeks later, they did the same drill without the music but were told to think of the song while doing compressions.

The average number of compressions the first time was 109 per minute; the second time it was 113. That's more than recommended, but Matlock said that when it comes to trying to revive a stopped heart, a few extra compressions per minute is better than too few.

"It drove them and motivated them to keep up the rate, which is the most important thing," he said.

The study showed the song helped people who already know how to do CPR, and the results were promising enough to warrant larger, more definitive studies with real patients or untrained people, Matlock said.

He plans to present his findings at an American College of Emergency Physicians meeting in Chicago this month.

It turns out the American Heart Association has been using the song as a training tip for CPR instructors for about two years.

They learned of it from a physician "who sort of hit upon this as a training tool," said association spokesman Dr. Vinay Nadkarni of the University of Pennsylvania.

He said he was not aware of any previous studies that tested the song.

But Nadkarni said he has seen "Stayin' Alive" work wonders in classes where students were having trouble keeping the right beat while practicing on mannequins. When he turned on the song, "all of a sudden, within just a few seconds, they get it right on the dot."

"I don't know how the Bee Gees knew this," Nadkarni said. "They probably didn't. But they just hit upon this natural rhythm that was very catchy, very popular, that helps us do the right thing."

Dr. Matthew Gilbert, a 28-year-old medical resident, was among participants in the University of Illinois study this past spring. Since then, he said, he has revived real patients by keeping the song in his head while doing CPR.

Gilbert said he was surprised the song worked as well as it did.

"I was a little worried because I've been told that I have a complete lack of rhythm," he said. Also, Gilbert said he's not really a disco fan.

He does happen to like a certain Queen song with a similar beat.

"I heard a rumor that 'Another One Bites the Dust' works also, but it didn't seem quite as appropriate," Gilbert said.

Where has this guy been?

Hilarious! But does anyone else think McCain looks like a Bond villain?

Almost a Dream Come True

You have no idea how cool I think this is. ADULT FOOTIE PAJAMAS! To answer your question, yes, a "drop the seat" version is totally available. It's a darn good thing they don't make my size.

Seriously, I'm Not Making This Up

Ernie Chambers

(via the Omaha World-Herald)

I don’t even know where to begin on this one.

God is officially off the hook: A judge recently through out a lawsuit by former state senator from Omaha, Neb. who was suing God. Yes, that God.

Ernie Chambers, the senator for Nebraska’s 11th district, filed the suit last September. What did God ever do to Ernie? No, He didn’t steal his rubber duckie. Mr. Chambers is seeking a “permanent injunction ordering Defendant to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.” The plaintiff further alleges that God “directly and proximately has caused fearsome floods, horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornados, pestilential plagues” and more. I will pause here to point out that the plural of "tornado" is "tornadoes" and I'm not sure "terroristic" is a real word. I'm not the best when it comes to proofreading (this blog is living, breathing proof), but for the love of The Defendant, get a second pair of eyes on your legal proceedings. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. At least he didn't call God the "Master of Mayhem" or "Doctor of Destruction."

God has countersued the extremely liberal 38-year legislative veteran (Don't take my word for it, ask Mother Jones... I will give them credit for a great title), accusing Chamber of, among other things, absolutely absurd and abominable alliteration.

No seriously. Apparently God has actually responded to the suit. The Douglas County Court clerk told the local newspaper that two court filings from God appeared a week or so after the initial request for injunction was filed. In one, “God” apparently refutes Chamber’s thinking: “I created man and woman with free will, and next to the promise of immortal life, free will is my greatest gift to you.” Seriously. I’m not making this up. There was no contact information on the filing, although St. Michael the Archangel is listed as a witness. Again, I’m dead serious. Notice how God deviousoly skirts the issue of His culpability regarding the afformentioned horrendous hurricanes and falls back on the old "free will" song and dance. Who does God think He's fooling? Answer the question, God!

Finally, after what was I’m sure a very stressful year for God, a court has thrown out the case. Apparently, Chamber had “failed to serve proper legal notice to God” and added that the “defendant has an unlisted address.” Again, I’m totally serious. Chambers responded by arguing the Almighty shouldn't need notice because God already knows everything. Actually, that's a pretty good point. God responded to that, I'm guessing here, by giggling so hard He started squirting milk out His nose and thus He couldn’t hit the SMITE button.

Here’s where it gets REALLY interesting: Chambers isn’t suing God because of the hurricanes, tornadoes, etc. In fact, he’s a very proud and public agnostic who doesn't believe for a second that God is responsible for anything, let alone alliterative atrocities. No, he told the press that his goal was to fight legislation that would restrict the filing of frivolous lawsuits.

“The Constitution requires that the courthouse doors be open, so you cannot prohibit the filing of suits,” he told the local newspaper. “Anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God.”

Yeah… let’s defend frivolous lawsuits by wasting the Courts' time and money on the most frivolous suit we can think of. We need to hook Mr. Chambers up with this chick. Plus, as a good liberal, shouldn’t he be concerned that this would be a severe overlapping of church and state? Even if the court ruled in his favor and granted the injunction, that would mean the court and Nebraska law, would be officially recognizing God’s existence. Pure genius.

Ukulele Love

Stay with it through at least the 25-second mark.



Hmmph.



Kind of haunting. Why is Katy Perry so big with ukulelists?



Yes, you are crazy.



Home skillet got talent.



Joey Ramone would be so proud.



"Is that a ukulele, or are you just pleased to see me?"



Wow!



Get a long, little doggies!



It's hard to picture Johnny Cash with a uke.



It's getting easier.



Come to think of it, why do you build me up? Nice dream catcher, by the way.



So much better than the original.




Toodle loo!




Queen + Ukulele = Not as awesome as you'd think.



A little better.



I just can't look. It's killing me.



It's raining ukuleles.



Under my ukulele -lele -lele eh eh eh.



If you ever suffer from low self-esteem, this is the prescription.



One of my favorite Beach Boys songs.



I like small guitars and I cannot lie...




I saved the best for last: She's a survivor (What - What - What). "Julia" actually tours around the northeast and recently opened for Ben Folds. Awe.some.

Sooner Magic

The only way this could possibly be any better would be if it were The Final Countdown instead of The Devil Came Down to Georgia.

Ay Chihuahua!

Up until now I've not let this economy thing get me down. I'm not worried about my retirement account. "Things will eventually pick up," I tell myself. There's no reason to panic. The sun will rise and the Earth is going to keep right on spinnin'. Well, ladies and gentlemen, there is now an official reason to panic.

Instead of jumping out of Wall Street windows like the good old days, day traders and stock brokers are going to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua. I kid you not, things are getting that bad. I'm not sure which is worse: suicide by pavement or self-inflicted torture. Then again, if you're willingly buying a ticket to see this movie, you may already be dead inside.

From CNN:

"Beverly Hills Chihuahua" is the only light comedy in a market heavy on drama. Chuck Viane, Disney's head of distribution, said movie-goers may be turning to the perky pooch to help forget the market free-fall on Wall Street.

"This is only word-of-mouth coming back to us from theaters. I don't have any statistical proof. But they're telling us we're getting more unaccompanied-by-children adults coming on their own. They're looking for a little entertainment," Viane said.

Why isn't the government doing anything to stop this?

It stinks!

I know what you're thinking. Who drew that eerily accurate drawing of BK and put him on the cover of a DVD box? Frankly, I'm offended. My hair isn't near that long and I totally wear glasses.

Anyhoo, head on over to A Rough Cut and check out my three latest reviews (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, An American Carol, and Mamma Mia!).

My apologies to Jon Lovitz.

Gone With the Hashbrowns

Sometimes it can be near impossible to avoid our impulses or compulsions. For instance:

• If I see a soda can in the road, I must run it over.
• I won't eat deli meats unless they've been opened, then resealed for at least a day (it's very hard to explain).
• When I'm bored and can't think of anything to do while sitting at a computer, my fingers automatically type www.quesadilla.com. I have no idea why. (The results are always disappointing. Always.)

Some people wash their hands over and over, I have a hang up on freshly sliced turkey. Those certainly aren't anything to be proud of, but my real secret shame is that it is near impossible for me to avoid being sucked into McDonald's annual Monopoly promotion. My addiction is well-documented (see previous account of my sheep-like behavior here).

Curse you, Uncle Pennybags! Darn you to heck, Ronald McDonald! Why do you torment me so, Parker Brothers? Why?

This year, I am determined to overcome what medical research journals and leading psychiatrists are now calling CMMD, or Compulsive McDonald's Monopoly Disorder. Symptoms include: abnormal anxiety from Oct. 7 to Nov. 3, weight gain, logy feeling, unreasonably high hopes that you'll win a Dodge Viper, and McDonald's breakfast items having a monopoly on your desires. Ooh! Maybe I'll get to host a telethon!

Normally, I pride myself in cutting through marketing BS but something about those blasted peel-off chances at fame and fortune (OK, just fortune) suck me in like nothing else. I know popping open a cold Bud Lite won't result in eight women in bikinis showing up for the big game and I know that wearing a certain designer's jeans won't instantly make me cool (not that I need any help). However, I also know that if I just one more hashbrown for tomorrow's breakfast I'm going to peel of the bane of my existence, the elusive fourth Rail Road or - dare I hope? - Boardwalk.

I wouldn't feel bad if I were already going to eat at McDonald's or even if I had plans to eat at some other fast food joint and altered them for a shot at the "french fry lotto" (I've posted the odds at the very end of this post). No, what's truly pathetic is that I increase my McD rate solely for the purpose of getting those silly peel off stickers in the ridiculous hopes of winning $1,000,000. I am the perfect target of McDonald's marketing genious. The promotion didn't just win me over from a competitor like Burger King or Wendy's, it wins me over from my own common sense. I am a slave.

The sad thing is that I'm a fully aware of my affliction and am mostly complicit. I can live without mediocre hamburgers, but God help me, I loves me a sausage biscuit and some hashbrowns. I'm like a kid poring over his prized baseball card collection as I arrange and organize my peel off pieces.

But no more! If Robert Downey, Jr. can kick his habit, so can I!

Wait a minute...

Fine, I don't care about Iron Man. You don't have to been a superhero or date Gwyneth Paltrow's character to have an iron will. I hereby pledge to not patronize McDonald's during this next month. I don't care that there is a daily $100,000 give-a-way. I don't care if I have three business trips this month that offer the perfect opportunity to have a breakfast on the run on the company dollar. I don't care that everyday on my way to work I pass two McDonalds just begging me to zip through the drive through. Who is stronger? Me, or a delicious, golden yellow french fry.

As God is my witness, as God is my witness Mickey D's is not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God as my witness I'll never be hungry (for a stupid, unhealthy fast food breakfast item bearing a get-struck-by-lightning chance at riches or free quarter pounders) again (or at least until Nov. 4)!



The odds:

• Odds of winning food prize over the course of the game are approximately 1 in 6.
• Odds of winning $50 prize are approximately 1 in 591,288.
• Odds of winning $100 prize are approximately 1 in 5,701,000.
  
• Odds of winning $500 prize are approximately 1 in 311,389,700.
  
• Odds of winning $25,000 prize are approximately 1 in 118,257,530 (why these odds are worse than the $100K prize, I don't know).
• Odds of winning $100,000 prize are approximately 1 in 49,273,971 (why these odds are better than the $25K prize, I don't know).
• Odds of winning $1,000,000 prize are approximately 1 in 591,287,650.
  
• You have a better chance of getting struck by lightning 1,477 times than you do of winning that $1,000,000.
  

Burger Vote 2008

As much as it pains me to say it, I think I prefer Obama over McCain in this match up. News flash, McCain: a chicken sandwich does not a burger make. I haven't heard anything from the VP candidates on their burgers of choice, but I still I'd side with the Dems. I don't like eating moose.

Barack Obama Pizza Burger
Recipe Courtesy the M Street Bar and Grill, Washington, DC for Food Network Magazine

Ingredients

For the Garlic Butter:
* 1 head garlic
* 1 stick unsalted butter, softened
* 2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley
* 1 teaspoon champagne vinegar
* Kosher salt

For the Burgers:
* 6 8-ounce Angus beef patties
* Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
* 1/2 cup marinara sauce, plus more for serving
* 12 thin slices fresh mozzarella cheese (about 8 ounces)
* 6 crusty rolls, such as ciabatta, kaiser or Portuguese, halved
* 1/2 cup chopped fresh basil

Directions
Preheat the oven to 350.

Make the butter:

Remove the papery outer layer from the head of garlic and slice off the top to expose the cloves slightly. Wrap the garlic in foil and roast in the oven until soft, about 45 minutes. Cool slightly, then squeeze the roasted pulp into a bowl. Whip with the butter, parsley, vinegar and 1/2 teaspoon salt; set aside.
Make the burgers:

Preheat a grill or grill pan to medium-high. Season the beef patties generously with salt and pepper and grill, about 3 minutes per side for medium-rare, turning once.

Move the burgers to the cooler side of the grill (or reduce the heat on the stove) and top each with some marinara sauce and 2 slices cheese. Spread the cut sides of each roll with some of the garlic butter and place facedown on the grill. Cover and cook until the cheese melts and the buns are toasted, 1 to 2 minutes. Place a burger on each roll bottom; add some chopped basil and the roll top. Serve with more marinara sauce, if desired.


John McCain Chicken Queso Burger
Recipe Courtesy the M Street Bar and Grill, Washington, DC for Food Network Magazine

Ingredients

* 1 lemon
* 1 lime
* 1 orange
* 1/2 teaspoon chili powder
* 1/2 teaspoon adobo all-purpose seasoning
* 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
* 6 6-ounce skinless, boneless chicken breasts
* 3/4 cup fresh tomato salsa, plus more for serving
* 6 slices pepper jack cheese (about 8 ounces)
* 6 challah rolls or other soft rolls, halved
* 1 Hass avocado, sliced

Directions

Finely grate the zest of the lemon, lime and orange into a medium bowl. Squeeze in the juice of each fruit. Add the chili powder, adobo seasoning and olive oil; whisk to combine. Add the chicken and coat well with the marinade; cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or overnight.

Preheat a grill or grill pan to medium-high. Grill the chicken breasts until cooked through, about 8 minutes per side, turning once. Move the chicken to the cooler side of the grill (or reduce the heat on the stove) and top each piece with 1 tablespoon salsa and 1 slice cheese. Cover and cook until the cheese melts, 1 to 2 minutes. Place a chicken breast on each roll bottom; add a few slices of avocado and cover with the roll top. Serve with more salsa, if desired.

Be Like Judy!

It's autumn of a year divisible by four, and that means that once again, Puff Daddy is threatening to pop a cap in my derrier. Sheesh, at least his "Vote or Die" campaign is 10x more subtle that this star-studded PSA wannabe.

Seriously, this will probably the longest 4 minutes and 45 seconds of your life. OK, I'll concede that Courtney Cox's joke at the 3:52 mark is a little clever, but overall this is a good 4 minutes and 30 seconds too long. Leonardo DiCaprio even admits it's long and boring.

If Mr. Combs' threats don't make you want to participate in our democracy (never mind the issues), what are the odds that you'll be swayed by Forrest Whitaker and Eric from Entourage? Personally, I know that I was on the fence until Giovanni Ribisi swooped in with that zinger. Et tu, Giovanni? Et tu?

Voter registration is a noble cause and certainly I don't begrudge famous people their right to an opinion. I also do not think they should have to keep silent on issues although Sean Penn does need to keep his big fat trap shut. That said, I really do hope people are not making history in this election simply because Sarah Silverman can do a neat party trick and Jonah Hill (for the second time in his life) is mildly funny. You'll notice Republicans like Chuck Norris were not represented in the video. Why? They're probably out beating up terrorists and dolling out justice Texas-style, but that's beside the point.

I can just see some stoner sitting there: "I've been ignoring Diddy's death threats for years, and putting off registering to vote simply because I hate jury duty, but Dustin Hoffman told me to be like Judy!"

I'm also a little disappointed that Google is associating itself with a particular political ideology. I like my search engines to be search engines. Maybe Puffy should google "weapons AND polling place AND felony."

Final thought: What do you think the odds are that every one those celebs will actually vote?

We Love The Dear Leader

No exaggeration, chills of sheer terror are running down my spine.