Can life get any better?

First, Queen releases a new single, then I get wind of the new American Gladiators! What else can possibly go right in my life? Is Jessica Biel fixing to ring my doorbell and beg for a date?

Where's my bailout?

Apparently the President has lost faith in the market and, in a fit of liberalism, has decided it falls upon him to bail out people who signed sub-prime mortgages and are at risk of losing their homes.

The agreement with mortgage companies will freeze interest rates for several years, even though the rates were scheduled to go up in 2008, as per the signed mortgage note.

So... where's my bailout? Just because I was smart enough to finance my home with a fixed-rate loan, I don't get a break in interest? C'mon. It's bad enough the government is nullifying and modifying contracts it deems unfair just because people are whining, but we're actually rewarding those people who made those unwise decisions. If anything, I should get some federal assistance for making my payments on time and even throwing in a little bit extra each month to eat away at that principal.

"Hot Meat Landslide" would be an awesome name for a rock band

I don't know if there is some sort of award for Awesomest Sticker, but I'm nominating Sonic for this bad boy right here and right now. Ooh, wouldn't this make a fun road sign?

On to more important things: Finally, Corporate America is taking the time to increase hot meat and cheese landslide awareness. I can remember the Great Beef Landslide of 2003. Oh the humanity! And George Bush just stood there and did nothing. NOTHING! In fact, recently released papers indicated that very day the President titled a foot-long cheese coney a full 23 degrees! What do you have to say about that, Sean Hannity?

American Pie

I'm not sure how a blue berry pie is supposed to taste, but dag nabbit I've baked one. The crust is actually really good. The pie more or less tastes like warm jelly. Does that sound about right?

Get into the Christmas Spirit

Nothing will get you into the Christmas Spirit quite like those classic songs of the season. If you're an Oklahoman, one of those indespenseable songs is The B.C. Clark Jingle. The Jingle has been heralding the arrival of Christmas since 1956(!) and is in just as much demand today as it ever was. And there's only one way to improve upon one of the best advertising songs ever: OBU-ize it.



I remember very distinctly attending the 2001 Christmas Chapel as senior in High School. After all the fun they had (and after they played the BC Clark Jingle), I knew there could be no other school for me. For the next four years, the Christmas Chapel (and the BC Clark Jingle) became an irreplaceable part of my Christmas.

More Proof There is a God

Need I say more?

Absolute Emperical Proof There Is a God and He Loves Us and Wants Us to be Happy

QUEEN HAS RELEASED A NEW SINGLE!

That's right Queen fans: Roger Taylor, Brian May, John Deacon and new frontman Paul Rodgers (of Bad Company) have released a new power ballad in honor of World AIDs Day and their late lead singer Freddie Mercury. What's more, IT'S FREE and available for download from www.queenonline.com!

I was lucky enough to hear "Say It's Not True" live in Chicago when I went to see Queen in March of 2006. Do yourself a favor and listen to it now.

Name Them One by One

The following is courtesy my man Johnson Oatman. In 1897, he penned the following:

When upon life's billows You are tempest tossed

When you are discouraged Thinking all is lost

Count your many blessings Name them one by one

And it will surprise you What the Lord has done

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your blessings See what God has done

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your many blessings See what God has done

Are you ever burdened With a load of care?

Does the cross seem heavy You are called to bear?

Count your many blessings Every doubt will fly

And you will be singing As the days go by

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your blessings See what God has done

Count your blessings Name them one by one

Count your many blessings See what God has done

When you look at others With their lands and gold

Think that Christ has promised You His wealth untold

Count your many blessings Money cannot buy

Your reward in heaven Nor your home on high

Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your blessings See what God has done
Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your many blessings See what God has done

So, amid the conflict Whether great or small

Do not be discouraged God is over all

Count your many blessings Angels will attend

Help and comfort give you To your journey's end

Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your blessings See what God has done
Count your blessings Name them one by one
Count your many blessings See what God has done

Bad Santa

As if mandating that Santa must lose weight wasn't enough, now we're being told his trademark "HO HO HO!" should be changed to "Ha ha ha!" because 1) the original is offensive to women and 2) a long "o" sound can be frightening to children.

Come on, people.

Liberté, égalité, fraternité

Although I have a long standing record of disliking France and the French people, I find I'm beginning soften in my old age.

In January, 2006 I spent several days in Paris and found the people there polite, helpful and not smelly at all. Now, a little less than two years later, I find out they're pretty darn smart too: Today, His Excellency, Nicolas Sarkosy, President of the Republic of France, has taken steps that further elevates France to the No. 2 position on my list of favorite countries. If I hadn't heard these words being translated for myself, I never would have believed them. This man sounds more American than most of those in Washington.

Fry me up some French fries and remind me to send Sarkosy a thank-you card for the Statue of Liberty.

A few of his quotes from his speech today before a joint session of the U.S. Congress:

On Franco-American relations:

"We may disagree on things, we may even have arguments as in any family, but in times of difficulty, in times of hardship, one stands true to one's friends, one stands shoulder to shoulder with them, one supports them and one helps them."

"Our duty is to remain true to the blood spilled by our children on both sides of the Atlantic."

On the American Dream:

"The American Dream was from the very outset a matter of putting into practice what the Old World and had dreamt of without every being able to accomplish it. The American Dreams means proving to all men and women throughout the world that freedom and justice, human rights and democracy were not a Utopia, but were the most realistic policy there is and the most likely to improve the lot and fate of each one."

On American work ethic:

"To the millions of men and women who came from every country of the world and with their own hands, their intelligence and hearts built the greatest nation in the world, America did not say come and everything will be given to you, she said 'Come, and the only limits of what you will be able to achieve will be the those of your own courage, boldness and talents.' In America, failure is never the last word. Here, in your country on this soil, both the most humble and most illustrious citizen know nothing is owed to them and that everything has to be earned. That is what constitutes the moral value of America."

On America as a beacon of freedom:

"America did not teach man the idea of freedom, she taught him how to practice freedom. And America fought for this freedom whenever she felt it to be threatened or jeopardy. It was by watching America grow that men and women understood that freedom and liberty were possible and it that that gives you a special responsibility. What made America great was her ability to transform her own dream, the American Dream, into a source of hope for all mankind."

On the U.S. involvement in WWI and WWII:
"The people of my generation heard their grandparents talk about how, in 1917, America saved France. At a time when my country had reached the limits of its strength, at a time when France had exhausted its strength in the most absurd and bloodiest of wars, France was able to count upon the courage of American soldiers, and I have come to say to you that on behalf of the French people, never, never will we forget that. The men and women of my generation heard their parents talk about how American returned in 1944 to free us of the horrifying tyranny that threatened to enslave us. Fathers in my country took their sons to see the vast cemeteries where under white crosses, thousands of American soldiers lay; who had fallen not to defend their own freedom but the freedom of all others; who died far from their homes not to defend their families or homeland, but to defend humanity as a whole. That is why we love America. And the fathers took their sons to the beaches, the beaches where the young men of America had so heroically landed. And the fathers read to their sons, the admirable letters of farewell that those soldiers, those 20-year-old soldiers had written to the their families before battle to say to them, 'We don't consider ourselves to be heroes, we want this war to be over. But however much dread we may feel, you can count on us.' Before they landed, Eisenhower told them, and we not forgotten in Europe these words, 'The eyes of the world are upon you, young men of America. The hopes and prayers of all liberty loving people march with you.' The children of my generation, as they listened to their fathers and as they watched movies, as they read history books and the letters of your soldiers as they died on our beaches of Normandy or Provence, as they visited the cemeteries where the Star Spangled banner flies, the children of my generation have understood that these young, 20-year men were true heroes, to whom we owed the fact that we were free people, not slave. America liberated us, and this is an eternal debt we owe America. As president of the French Republic, my duty is to say to the people of America, that you represent, in its vast diversity, that the people of France will never forget the sacrifice of your children. And to the families of those who did not come back, to those children who cries for the loss of their fathers, who they had no time to know, the gratitude of France, is forever. On behalf on my generation that did not suffer under the war, on behalf of those children who will always remember and to all your veterans, I want to express the deep, sincere gratitude of the French people."

On modern fraternité:

"[America's and France's historical relationship] is more important than disagreements that we have, may have had, or any disagreement we may yet have. That sacrifice is the bedrock of America and France."

"On one of our major daily newspapers, the headline read on Sept. 11, 2001, 'Today We are All Americans.'"

"Every time an American solider falls somewhere in the world, I think of what the American Army did for France. I think of them and I am sad, as one is saddened to lose a member of one's family."

On the American Spirit:

"What is most extraordinary to me is that it seems that America emerges ever greater and stronger from the adversity and the challenges it faces. Instead of causing America to engage in self-doubt, these difficulties only strengthened her belief in her values. What makes America strong, the strength of this ideal that is shared by all Americans, and by all those who love her because they love freedom. America's strength is not only a material strength, it is first and foremost a moral strength, a spiritual strength."

"On [Sept. 11, 2001], when you were mourning so many dead, never had America appeared to me so great, so dignified, so strong. The terrorists thought they had weakened you, but they made you greater, and the people of America were admired world-wide for their courage. That is the truth."

On fighting against terror:

"Today as in the past, it is together that we must fight to defend and promote the values and ideals of democracy, that men such as Washington and Lafayette coined together. Together, United, we must fight against terror."

"Failure is not an option. Terrorism will not prevail, because democracies are not entitled to be weak and because we, the free world, are not afraid of this new barbarism. because of that, America can count on France in its battle on terror."

Hmm. I'm beginning to think Sarkosy would make a good running mate for Fred in '08...

Blame St. Nick for all Your Problems

Good news! It's no longer my fault that I'm overweight! Forget the fact that I knowingly choose to eat fatty foods, shun veggies and perfer to watch mediocre-at-best television shows instead of exercising, no! It's all Santa's fault! His carbon-emitting, eight-reindeer sleigh is probably to blame for global warming, too. Santa is a role model for children; he should totally be driving a hybrid by now. He's probably withholding the cure for cancer, too. Jerk. Where's my lawyer?

A Trick and no Treat

If you come to my house begging for candy dressed up this way, you're getting a can of green beans. This one, however, will get you a 5-pound bag of the candy of your choice.

Announcing 'A Rough Cut'

Click on over to A Rough Cut for movie reviews by yours truly.

Geography Quiz, No. 2

Again, I hate to nitpick, but it's Ma-low(rhymes with cow)- ee, not Mala-weigh

Geography Quiz, No. 1

I hate to nitpick, but it's Jefferson City, not Jefferson and it's a good 100 miles west of where the star is.

The Man, the Genius, the Quotes.

"Here's my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose."

"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help."

"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant: It's just that they know so much that isn't so."

"Of the four wars in my lifetime none came about because the U.S. was too strong."

"I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress."

"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination."

"Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other."

"The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program."

"I've laid down the law, though, to everyone from now on about anything that happens: No matter what time it is, wake me, even if it's in the middle of a Cabinet meeting."

"It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first."

"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book."

"No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is so formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women."

"If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under."

"All great change in America begins at the dinner table."

"Before I refuse to answer your questions, I have an opening statement."

"Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the United States."

"Facts are stubborn things."

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same."

"Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They're just braver five minutes longer."

"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."

"Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born."

A Box of Chocolates will keep you awake all night

If it's midnight and you're trying to get drowsy by flipping channels, pray you don't stumble across Forrest Gump. Not only will you have to finish it, but you'll be up until 3:30 a.m. trying to remember Gary Senise's name.

A chip off the old block?

I'm not going to enter the fray about Dr. Brister, but I did find this comparison with Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars Saga to be worth noting...

Say it isn't so!

It’s official. The issue of climate of climate change can be ignored no longer. Why? Because hell has frozen over, that’s why.

It was bad enough that The Academy saw fit to give him an Oscar, but now Al Gore, the patron saint of Global Warming and the Democrat whiners everywhere, is a Nobel Laureate (along with the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change).

Then again, this is only to be expected, considering the committee has given the award to Jimmy “Kill the Wabbit!” Carter and Yasser Arafat. That kind of company does tend to take the sheen off any honor. Do we really want to hold these people up next to the likes of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Doctors Without Borders, The Dalai Lama, Elie Wiesel or Mother Teresa? To quote a Canadian newspaper: "Aung Suu Kyi, who won the peace prize in 1991, is under house arrest in Myanmar (Burma) for daring to ask for democracy in a murderous military state; and now she finds herself in the company of a possible, maybe, potential looming politician who flies around in a jet making presentations to ready-made audiences, then films it and goes to the Academy Awards and hangs out with movie stars."
What about the nominees who actually worked toward peace on this earth? What about the Vietnamese monk, Thich Quang Do? He has spent a lifetime fighting for peace and freedom in Vietnam. He is currently under house arrest for protesting human rights abuses, and has been jailed previously for helping his country’s poor. What about Lida Yusupova,who has devoted her life to human rights? Her work in Chechnya has shed light on human rights abuses committed by both Russian armed forces and Chechen rebels. What about Irena Sendler? She rescued babies during the Holocaust. Screw them and their petty, self-serving little projects, Gore and his movie are obvious choice.

Still, I can deal with Gore being honored. I’m an adult and I will readily admit when the “other guy” wins (something Gore isn’t capable of... you don't see Ms. Sendler or Mr. Do demanding recounts). What really bothers me is that the former VP is being honored for promoting global warming, NOT peace! There is no such thing as the Nobel Global Warming Prize! I’d like to think I would be able to make this obvious distinction, even if I was a fan of Al. Even his mother should be able to admit that it doesn’t make a lick of sense. Call it "an inconvenient truth" if you want, but it's still truth. For the record, the five other awards went something like this:

Medicine: To Mario Capecchi, Martin Evans and Oliver Smithies for producing genetic alterations in mice.

Chemistry: To Gerhard Ertl for opening up the hidden world of surface chemistry to investigation.

Physics: To Albert Fert and Peter Grunberg for discovering the effect underlying data storage on most hard disks.

Literature: To Doris Lessing, whose prolific writing extends from the realistic to the fabulous.

Economics: To Leonid Hurwicz, Eric Maskin and Roger Myerson for extending the range of tools for economic analysis.

You might notice a pattern here. All of these scholars' accomplishments somehow relate to their award! To quote Alfred Nobel on the Peace Prize bearing his name, the award should go to "the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between the nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses." Re-read this paragraph and tell me Al Gore's victory makes any sense whatsover. I dare you.

If you read the linked article above (or right here), it features “man on the street” reaction quotes. Even of those who are pleased Gore won say nothing of any efforts to promote peace. In fact, one could argue that he has promoted discord by shoving his questionable documentary down the throats of school children across America and the world. (Heck, even the Brits have declared it a political film with significant errors and is "distinctly alarmist. This is what the BRITS are saying!"

Cheers!

The 1:30 chime Saturday morning found me in an unusual place: McGurk's Beer Garten in downtown St. Louis. I was in town to help celebrate the 25th birthday of my best friend, Luis. I was the only one in our group who didn't drink, which was convenient because by last call they were in dire need of a designated driver. Despite my dislike of the overwhelming smell of beer and my personal desire* to abstain from alcohol and the 2.5 hour drive home facing me, I actually had a good time.

Some thoughts:

• A good friend (not party to the birthday shenanigans) tells me that you are your true self when you are drunk. My friends are pretty fun drunks and to a person all slurringly professed their love for me (think, "I love you, man" from the old commercials). I guess in a weird way watching them down Jägerbombs was affirming.
• Before the evening festivities, I watched Luis and his law school intramural softball team play a double header in Forrest Park. Leave it to ingenious law students to turn softball into a drinking game (every time someone throws a ball, catches a ball and/or hits a ball, take a drink). Watching semi-drunk people trying to be athletic is a hoot.
• Don't have your wedding reception at a bar. Even though McGurk's is a comparatively classy joint, just don't do. There's way too high a chance one of your bridesmaids will throw up on your wedding dress.
• I was pleasantly surprised at how seriously most people there took drunk driving. It was obviously that about every fifth or so person was sober and A) was either looking to hook up with an uninhibited blonde or B) was that night's designated driver. I guess I just assume most people left the bar drunk, started up the car and just got lucky when they ended up at home without a death count. That's not to say the four or five cops circling the block didn't have any thing to do early that morning.
• I had a very interesting theological debate on church polity with one of those sober drivers who was also there to shuttle people celebrating with Luis (if you want to get specific, he is the boyfriend of Luis' girlfriend's roommate... which makes us absolutely nothing). He is the son of a pastor at a very large Assembly of God church in Springfield so we had plenty in common as we each avoided the obvious embarrassment that we had met each other in a bar.
• I can see how beer goggles would be a problem. In the low light, I had a very hard time determining hotness and I was wide awake and sober.

* I do not believe consuming alcohol is a sin, as is the perception of many of my denomination. That said, I don't see how it can lead to any good** so I avoid consuming it (that, and it's pricey). However, I do believe there is very strong biblical condemnation of getting drunk. I of course realize that by being complicit in my friends' behavior, I am exposing myself as a hypocrite. I assuage my guilty conscience by telling myself it's better than a group of inebriated law students getting first hand experience on how to deal with DUIs.

** OK, so there is SOME good that comes from alcohol.

Best.Holiday.Ever.

God bless the Electric Company.

In case you weren't aware, today is National Punctuation Day!

How are we, the "Punctuation Faithful," supposed to properly observe NPD? Here is a list of suggestions by NPD founder Jeff Rubin:

• Read a newspaper and circle all the punctuation errors you find (or think you find but aren't sure) with a red pen.
• Take a leisurely stroll, playing close attention to store signs with incorrectly punctuated words.
• Stop in those stores to [politely] correct the owners.
• If the owners are not there, leave [properly punctuated] notes.
• Visit a bookstore and purchase a copy of Strunk & White’s The Elements of Style.
• Congratulate yourself on becoming a better written communicator.
• Write an error-free letter to a friend.
• Take a nap. It has been a long day.

I've celebrated NDP so far by using six different marks in this post. Oops, it looks like I'm up to seven; I almost forgot the apostrophe. Dang it, eight. Wait... do parentheses count as one or two? I'll say one. The same goes for brackets thus bringing my total to 10 – no wait, 12 – counting that ellipsis. Sigh. the M-dash makes 13. How will you celebrate? If you're stumped, you might try the Punctuation Rap (you can listen to the rap by clicking on the link on the right side of the page). But only if you're desperate. You have been warned.

Here we go _______! Here we go!

I've decided Midwestern needs a mascot. Never mind the fact that we don't have any teams to compete under said mascot's name and in its image.

It's shame Wake Forrest already claimed Demon Deacons because that's an awesome mascot. And Southern already has dibs on Crazy Calvinists.

Here's my first round of solutions:

1. The Dippers


2. The Johns (as in John the Baptist, not toilets or men who hire prostitutes)


3. The Spires (after the distictive spire on campus.)


4. The Saints


5. The Boll Weevils

Hmmph. I actually think I like The Spires.

Headfake

Take an hour and watch this: http://wms.andrew.cmu.edu/001/pausch.wmv

You'll be glad you did.

Take a Letter

Earlier this week I went upstairs to interview a man on the 6th floor for a story. As I got to his open door, I could see he was busy so I politely waved and stood around the corner, waiting until he finished his business. (I tend to give people in "The Building" the upper hand when it comes to prioritzing their time. The way I see it, their ministry is probably way more important than my story and I can proably afford to wait a few minutes.)

As I "listened" (OK, eavesdropped), I was surprised to hear him dictating a letter to his "ministry assistant" (OK, secretary). Are we still doing this? In late 200 7? Is writing a letter really that far beneath you?

Personally, I would find it hard to "speak" a letter. One of the great benefits of typing a letter is that the composer of said letter is able to view the document as a whole even as it evolves, thus ensuring the proper tone, clarity, uniformity and the letter's effectiveness in communicating the desired message (and supposedly, who knows this better than the person sending it?).

The only way I will give this man a pass is that he is the oldest person on staff and may not be able to type a mind-blowing 15 wpm like me. But still, even if he was relegated to mere hunt and peckery, at least it would stave off arthritis.

WHY THE HECK WON'T BLOGGER LET ME SPACE MY PARAGRAPHS PROPERLY?

Feliz Cumpleanos a Mi

Well-done, Please turns one year old today.

Two thoughts:

1) In 364 days, I've written 55 posts, just over one a week (1.008 per week to be exact). That's a little pathetic, considering the pros can bang out 10 or 12 a day.

2) To my knowledge, only five people know this blog exists (including me) and as far as I know I'm the only regular reader. Good. That's pretty much how I wanted it.

I found it!

A little less than a year ago, I referenced the Muppet version of Jim Croce's classic, Time in a Bottle. Well, hold on your pants, folks, because thanks to the magic of YouTube, I've found that very song. Be sure you have your hankies ready.

God bless the Muppets.

He Came on Down! (And I didn't get the memo!)

Bob Barker and I were a mere three blocks from each other yesterday and I wasn't even aware of it!

Ah, Fate. You are a cruel mistress.

A few thoughts on Sept. 11

I'm not even going to try to write a heart-felt, "memorial" column. Instead, I'm taking the easy route and just jotting down a few thoughts as they come to me.

No Day for Tennis

Sept. 11, 2001 is certainly the "Where were you?" Moment of my generation. I remember most of that day very vividly, just two weeks into my freshman year at OBU.

I woke up in room 442 of Agee Residence center to the sound of my friend Kyle banging on my door like a mad man. Bleary-eyed, I rolled out of bed and open the door ready glare at him to express my annoyance that he had woken me up this early just so he could beg to copy my notes from class.

I only managed to grumble "WHAT?!?!" before he grabbed me and pulled me across the hall where we could watch his TV. "Somebody has attacked New York!" he said. He was pretty sure it was the Russians or maybe the Chinese (who knows why).

The first person I called was my buddy Luis in St. Louis. In retrospect, it's odd I didn't think to call my parents. Anyway, I woke him up and told him to find a TV, that someone had attacked New York. He, like I had just done, asked "Who?" He didn't think the Russians or Chinese a likely culprit.

I remember seeing the second plane hit the second tower. I couldn't believe it. It's one the only moments in my life I can honestly call surreal.

I remember seeing the first tower fall, and thinking how many thousands of lives must have been lost. It's beyond a miracle that after it was all said an done, only 2,974 souls lost their lives.

I quickly got dressed and only tore myself from the TV to go to class. My first of the day was intro tennis with Coach Tolin. He told us to get back to our rooms to watch TV, that this was no day for tennis. "No Day for Tennis," may never supplant "Day of Terror" in our minds as the label of Sept. 11, but it works in a way. Before I left, we saw the second tower fall on the TV in his office. I remember thinking it was just a replay of the first tower falling.

Dra. Litherland made us stay in class (I'll never forgive her for that, or a multitude of other things) and discuss terrorism... in Spanish. What were we supposed to say? "No me gusta terrorismo?"

Dr. Barbe cancelled speech so we could watch TV later in the day. I'll always remember that Sept. 11, 2001 was on a Tuesday because of my "TR" classes.

I'm not sure at what point I learned that the Pentagon had been attacked and that another flight had crashed in Pennsylvania, but I do remember thinking, "Holy **** they're organized!"

I can hear you! The rest of the world hears you!

I wasn't around to hear the rhetoric of Lincoln, nor was I alive to hear Churchill coin the phase "Iron Curtain." Likewise, I don't remember Reagan shouting "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

The closest thing to those immortal quotes that I heard came from a "bumbling" "hayseed" "hick of a president" as he responded to a wounded nation brought to its knees, desperately needing some smaller glimmer of hope.

If you read the transcript of what President George W. Bush tells the crowd of rescue and recovery workers (and I encourage you to do so), it's clear he started out reciting a planned speech. It was exactly the kind of canned sentimentality we didn't need (or want) to hear. We needed something genuine, no prepared, slick or political. It was only after someone interrupted him and yelled that they couldn't hear that he suddenly became real and gave one of the most inspiring and heartfelt speeches I have ever heard or can imagine. It was short, sweet and most of all, genuine. It didn't have fancy rhetoric and probably wouldn't have earned him an A in speech class. But it was, and is perfect.

The video is perhaps even more stirring.

USA! USA! USA!

I love New York but don't give a flip about DC

It's interesting and sad that we all associated the terror and tragedy of Sept. 11 with New York City (and rightly so) but fail to extend those feelings to Washington, D.C. and Pennsylvania where Flight 93 crashed.

While it certainly is true that many more people lost their lives in NY, I imagine the fear was just as palpable or worse in DC. There simply isn't a place full of more high profile targets than DC and "they" had just successfully flown a place into one of the most secure buildings on the planet, who knows what else was on tap?

Somewhat macabre side note: ever since Sept. 11, I've been on close to 100 flights and I'm always "amazed" that the terrorists were able to find the Pentagon from the air and successfully fly into it. I have a hard enough time trying to figure out of it that big brown thing is a field or a lake. This summer as I flew into DC, however, I saw just how big the Pentagon is. There's no mistaking it. Even from several miles out, it's clear THAT is the Pentagon. It's also clear that in order to crash into it, you really don't need that much skill.

Ground Zero

My appreciation for the gravity of Sept. 11 grew exponentially when in 2005 I stopped over in New York for a day on my way to Russia (coincidentally, this was the exact day we declared war on Iraq).

My travel companion and I made our way to Ground Zero and were awestruck from the moment we stepped onto street level from the subway station. It's impossible to describe how huge the mere footprint of these buildings was, let alone how tall they were.

A Day that will live in Infamy

On my way to work this morning, I heard a snippet of Rush Limbaugh's morning update.

His main point was that 60 years later, we still recall the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and how despicable it was. And yet only six years after Sept. 11, we are forgetting the fear and tragedy of that day of infamy. Moreover, we as a nation have seemed to lost all outrage and determination to bring those responsible to justice. I don't always agree with Mr. Limbaugh, but on this one I'm going to have to. We hide the graphic images of that day when they should be on display... lest we ever forget.

AP Style

I can't claim to be a world class journalist (heck half the time I'm not sure I can call myself a journalist or not), but I do have an excellent working knowledge of AP Style. Thus, it really bothers me that we as a journalism community have yet to settle on a style for that day six years ago. Sept. 11, is my choice, but it's continually seen in print at 9/11, 911, September the 11th or even spelled out Nine Eleven.

His Truth is Marching On

Today, in a special Tuesday Chapel, we took time out to remember Sept. 11, those who lost their lives and their families, as well as all our troops at home and abroad.

We sang, among other songs, the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The song usually brings tears to my eyes. Especially when it's sung very slowly. This recording was done on Sept. 14, the same day as Bush's speech.

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord

He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored

He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword

His truth is marching on!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!

His truth is marching on!

Wordsmith of the Wild Frontier

"I would sooner be honestly damned than hypocritically immortalized."
- Davy Crockett

It's official

Now that I've enrolled in Midwestern, I'm officially a grad student.

I guess this means I have to grow my hair long, stop showering, start smoking pot and develop an unnatural love of Disc Golf.

Local Warming

Rush Limbaugh can continue to debate with 75 percent of the rest of the world, but there is absolutely zero doubt that local warming is a reality. Specifically, my house (of which I have precisely $682.31 in equity) is hotter than:

A) a June bride in a feather bed.
B) a two dollar pistol.
C) the hubs of Hades.
D) Jessica Biel.
E) all of the above.

The answer, of course, is E.

My air conditioner is down and that means I'm out. I actually considering sleeping in a sleeping bag at my office until the A/C guy can make it to the house tomorrow afternoon.

Brian Schlepped Here - Thoughts While Walking 'Round our Nation's Capital

Despite the fact that you get to ride around in monster trucks, Dulles is a craptastic airport. Use Reagan if at all possible.

If you're a fresh faced young polisci graduate looking for a job, don't come here. There are already 8 gazillion of you running around franticly.

This is a heavily secured city. I counted six armed law enforcement agencies (not counting military personell). Capitol Police, Uniformed Secret Service Police (yes, that's their name, and don't get me started on the irony of "uniformed secret service") FBI Police (yes, police), Metropolitan Police, Transit Authority Police and Homeland Security Police.

There's nowhere to eat in this city. There are literally McDonald's on every street corner in Paris, London, heck even Budapest and Moscow. Why not in DC?

The locals complain about 20 percent humidity and how "unbearable" it is. They're complaining while for once in my life I'm not sweating.

Fun Fact: The National Christmas Tree stands between the White House and the Jefferson Memorial all year round.

You hear a lot about Arlington National Cemetary being awe-inspiring but you truly have to see it to believe it. 300,000 of America's finest are buried here. The small, white markers are a little spooky. It's almost like the ghosts of thousands of soldiers standing in scores of perfectly alligned ranks.

The Changing of the Guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Solider is equally moving. These guards are hardcore. Every half hour, a new soldier comes to relieve the previous guard. A presiding officer explains (shouts in a very dignified way) the process the gathered crowd is about to see, and demands that they stand if at all possible (I saw several people who preferred to sit until a guard "politely compelled" them to stand). Every movement and every step is symbolic. It's truly a sight that must be seen to be understood.

I wasn't blown away by the Vietnam Memorial. Does that make me a cold blooded communist?

The Iwo Jime Memorial, however, was amazing. Fun Fact: Viewed from the side, the flag is of course at an angle. As you walk around the memorial, however, the the flag pole seems to raise itself upright as if the bronze Marines were planting the flag even as you watch them.

If you want to take a tour, Les Concierges will get you hooked up.

Where's Waldo?

I see him! I see him!

Rest in Peace

They will be missed. [Sniff.]

Nuttier than Squirrel Poo - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Reading Log - Vol. 3

Chapters 18-the end.

1. "Nuttier than squirrel poo." Love it.


2. From a literary standpoint, I'm enjoying the muddying of Dumbledore's sanctimonious past.


3. The effect of the Horcrux locket on Harry annoyingly reminds me of Frodo and The One Ring.


4. Godrick Gryfindor's sword in frozen puddle = Excalibur being given to Arthur by Lady of the Lake.


5. It is interesting that such a teetering character as Xenophilius should have that name. Xeno being the Greek word for foreigner or race.


6. I like that we're calling Ron "Ginger."


7. Is Dobbie the "Second Death"? Can it really be that simple?


8. Aww... Harry is a Godfather!


9. Hooray for Aberforth!


10. "Effing," "damn" and now "bastards." This may have to be an R-rated movie!


11. I'm actually tearing up now that Neville's "Gran" is so proud of him.


12. Ooh... Ginny won't let Harry and Cho be alone... CAT FIGHT!


13. Could Fleur's tiarra by the actual diadem?


14. Everyone is standing up to fight for Hogwarts... it's just like Braveheart!


15. Oh, Percy is back. Everyone say hello to Percy.


16. Lupin calls his wife by her last name (Tonks). That's very Mr. Todd of him.


17. Hmmph. I never considered Fred as a posible victim.


18. Mongonagal's herd of galloping desks... best mental image ever.


19. What is up with all this death? Hedwig, Mad-Eye, Fred, Snape, Dobbie, Remus and Tonks... it's a bleedin' shame.


20. Harry gave his son the middle name, Severus. Kinda cute but creepy too.

What in the Name of Merlin's Most Baggy Y-Fronts was that about? - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Reading Log - Vol. 2

Chapters 8-17.

1. Dumbledore didn't leave me anything.
2. Harry, bro, forget Ginny. What about Luna? She's cute enough.
3. Oh crap, Viktor Krum is back? Run, Hermione! Run! Run to Ronald! It's your destiny!
4. Ginny = Ginerva. Hmmph.
5. "I now declare you bonded for life." Thought: Can wizards divorce?
6. I want a (non magical) motorcycle.
7. Note to self: work "lousy git" into everyday conversations.
8. Page 191: "blood traitor" and "blood-traitor" appear in the first three lines. Is there a grammatical reason for this I'm just not seeing?
9. Voldemort moves against the ministry, takes over and begins his anti muggle policies. The parallels to Nazi Germany just keep piling up.
10. Tonks is pregnant! Did I call the werewolf sex or what?
11. "What in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y-fronts was that?" Ron has quite the mouth! And he's been saying "effing" a lot too. JKR must be getting tired of the kiddie stuff.
12. Honestly, why don't Ron and Hermione just shut up and get a room already? You know what they say: "Make-up snogging is the best snogging."
13. Why doesn't Hermione stop pestering Harry about Occlumency. HE CAN'T DO, HERMIONE, GET THAT THROUGH YOUR FUZZY SKULL!
14. The public toilets I saw in London did not have pull chains to flush them.
15. Dolores Umbridge would use kitten post-its.
16. Perkins has lumbago. I've always wondered what that is. According to our good friends at Wikipedia,

Lumbago is a term used to refer to low back pain. Such pain may also be accompanied by symptoms that extend to the buttocks, thigh(s) and leg(s) in either a uni- or bi- lateral fashion (but usually only on one side). If the primary symptom is leg pain caused by a compressed nerve in the low back, then the symptoms are usually called sciatica rather than lumbago.
Lumbago may also be accompanied by other symptoms and signs such as loss of sensation (usually the sole of the foot and posterior aspect of the calf region) and motor function (usually loss of plantar flexion of the foot and toes as well as a diminished ankle jerk reflex) in some areas and back stiffness (pain and rigidity upon movement of the lumbrosacral part of the spine). Other signs include reduced ability to walk or raise one's foot once straightened.

17. Question: Once Ron and Hermione are pronounced Wizard and Wife and ride off into the sunset to live happily ever after, what is he going to call her for short? Her? Hermie? Sweet Cheeks?

18. James and Lilly died on Halloween. How appropriate.

19. We know wizards (or witches) can marry muggles (See Cattermole). My question is this: How do they meet?

In the Name of Merlin's Saggy Left... - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Reading Log - Vol. 1

I've been at my grandmother's house doing various chores so I was only able to read for a few hours early this morning. My thoughts (and spoilers) through seven chapters, 138 pages:

1. Congrats to Tonks and Lupin! Scary Thought of the Day: Honeymoon werewolf sex.


2. Am I the only one who thinks the Killing Curse ("Adava Kedavra") sounds suspiciously like "abra-cadabra?"


3. Dudley halfway redeems himself? Who woulda-thunk-it?


4. Mad Eye Mooney: "Even You-Know-Who" can't split himself in seven." Only Rowling could make such an obvious nod to the audience's privileged knowledge and not make it seem hackneyed.


5. "You-Know-Who" is surprisingly hard to type.


6. OK, who can honestly say they though Hedwig would bite the dust? I'll give you $10 on the spot if you for even a second thought that might happen. The more important question: is she one of the two "main characters" destined to die? I say no.


7. Hagrid dies? In the second chapter? No, wait, he's OK. Dang it, Rowling! How dare you fool me like that?


8. Stan Shunpike might really be a Death Eater? Again, who saw that coming?


9. George loses an ear... could JKR be giving a shout out to Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs? My suggestion is tying an extendable ear to his head.


10. So Mad-Eye is dead. Honestly, I don't really care. Plus, that give me more hope that Ron and Hermione get to hook up in the end, get married, and make lots of little magic babies with frizzy red hair.


11. From a purely philosophical standpoint, I'm disappointed our intrepid trio is dropping out. Maybe they can complete some sort of correspondence course and get their magical GED.


12. I don't know why, but I just don't buy the whole Harry Ginny star crossed lovers thing. Their "snogging" makes me nauseous.


13. Ron: "Why in the name of Merlin's Saggy Left..." Coolest quote. Ever.


14. Oh come on. Ron thinks Mad-Eye might still be alive? First she fakes Hagrids death, now maybe this? I can't take it! Stop toying with me, JKR!


15. I need a copy of "12 Fail-safe Ways to Charm Witches." Amazon.com shows no listing.


16. New-born unicorns sound unbearably cute.


17. Mr. Weasley's patronus is a weasle? Of course!


18. Why is Lupin acting so weird? Is married life getting to him or is there something else on his mind...

I am Proud to be a Southern Baptist

I am a Southern Baptist for several reasons:

1. I believe their interpretaion of the Holy Bible has led them to a statement of faith as close to perfection as sinful man has produced.


2. I believe the Cooperative Program is the most effective way to spread the Gospel to everyone (see Acts 1:8).


3. OK, so it's also the tradition I was brought up in. That doesn't mean, however, that I haven't seriously questioned and studied my faith as a tradition and come to my own conclusions regarding it's rightness and truthfulness.

On occasion, I'm not exactly proud to be a Southern Baptist. These would include anytime the late Jerry Falwell opened his mouth, when Bill Clinton (or Jimmy Carter for that matter) profess to be Southern Baptist) or when we as a denomination go off the deep end and do something as stupid and short-sighted as this.

Still there are other times when I am quite proud to be a Southern Baptist and an employee of Southern Baptist churches. Yesterday, I read an article in USA Today that made me very proud.

Among the 30 faith-based disaster relief agencies USA Today was able to track, the SBC is the largest. More than 175,000 Southern Baptists have taken off work and gone to New Orleans to work, sweat and help rebuild what has been called a notorius city of sin. The next largest group, Habitat for Humanity has only sent 71,000.

I'm proud that I'm a [small] part of something so big. Sure, it's only my money that's made it's way to New Orleans, but I have become certified as a Disaster Relief volunteer. Should the need arise, I now know how to make myself useful in a makeshift feeding trailer than can pump out 35,000 hot meals a day.

The point is this: I'm proud that we can focus on "the main thing" and quite literally feed Jesus' sheep, instead of constantly quibbling about nonsense.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Do you know who I respect? Joe Lieberman.

I don't agree with him on all issues and I'm very happy he and Gore lost in 2000 (although Lieberman wouldn't have been that bad a VP... it's Gore I don't trust), I respect him a lot for standing up for what he believes, even though it cost him his party and many friends. In a time when Democrats and many Republicans are ready to throw in the towel in Iraq just because things aren't as easy as they hoped (that, or they hate GWB), Lieberman has the courage to stand up and support it, no matter how unpopular it makes him. Whether you agree with him on that issue or not (I happen to), there's no doubt he believes in it with all his heart and will not back down just gain some political capital.

I salute you, Joe Lieberman. The world needs more people who stand firm in their convictions regardless of party.

Confessions of a Former Harry Hater

Another title could be, I become the 8 gazillionth person to make the following observations about the Harry Potter series.

I freely admit it. I was a Harry Hater. Thankfully I wasn't one of those who thought the popular series smelled of the Occult*, but I still was adamantly opposed to the books (and by extension the movies). I worked in a book store my senior year of high school and had witnessed Harry Pottermania first hand. How could anything that popular among kids be worth while? Judging by the titles (by then I think only the first three books had been released), they seemed like a cheap, bastardized, dumbed-down version of Tolkien. I refused to jump onto the Magic Bandwagon, or even to "waste my time" giving it a fair shake.

That was until summer 2004 when I was reluctantly compelled to attend the opening night of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Although entering a book series had prejudged by seeing the third film adaptatgion was certainly not ideal. I was hooked. I was amazed at how intricate the plot was (and at how much more intricate the plot of the book must have been), the care with which the CGI was done (Buckbeak looks just as real as Hermione), but most off with the characterizations.

I've never exactly been a huge fan of Harry himself, but I instantly fell in love with the Hermione-Ron dynamic and I knew all the way through the movie there was something suspicious about Prof. Lupin (amazingly, I connected his name to "wolf" but failed to recognize him as a werewolf). Alan Rickman's (bless his British heart) performance was so spot on that I left the theater asking my much more Harry-proficient friend as to whether he was a good guy or bad guy.

And the things I loved about the movie were even more pronounced once I got home and ordered the books.

Rowling does an amazing job with her characters and making us care. I'm a 25-year grad student who enjoys a good dose of German cinema now and again, yet I'm so invested in Ron and Hermione hooking up, living happily ever after, and making lots of wizard and witch babies that I can't stand it. When rumors surfaced that two main characters would lose their lives in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, my concern was not about Harry (like the rest of the reading world) but for these two star-crossed should-be lovers. If they don't hook up when I read the new book in nine days I will scream.

Plot twists and misdirection are clearly two Rowling's strengths. We know the witch or wizard who helms the Defense Against the Dark Arts post will be hiding something each new year, but I defy you to guess what that something is. OK, so it was pretty obvious with Gilderoy Lockheart in Chamber of Secrets, but he's the exception. Did you have any idea that Mad Eye Moody was actually a death eater using the Polyjuice poition? No, and I defy you to tell me you weren't blown away when it turned out that Slughorn would be teaching potions and NOT DAtDA.

But the thing that amazes me most about Rowling's writing is her ability to mine the slightest detail from book one to make a major plot point in book 6. The polyjuice potion is one example, but so other more seemingly insignificant details. Characters pop in and out, previous throw away comments take on more meaning, etc. One example -and this one is from a single book! - if Ron hadn't broken his wand in the beginning of Chamber, how would he and Harry have escaped Lockhart? The Neville-Harry meta-physical connection is just another of a multitude of examples.

All this to say, I'm offically a member of the Harry Potter Nation. I happily showed up, ticket in hand for the 12:01 opening of HP and the Order of the Phoenix ** and I'm having my pre-ordered copy of HP and the Deathly Hallows sent to my grandmother's house because I'll be in OKC the day of the release.

The bottom line? HP rocks.




* for the record, Magic is used in the Harry Potter Universe not as "power" per se, but as a technological skill. Thus my logic for giving it a pass.

** I did NOT dress up.

Behind closed doors

I absolutley hate executive session.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

It's going to be a good week

I'm expecting six seperate packages in the mail in the next several days. Words can't express how happy I am just waiting for them.

I'm an old man

I love fireworks. I love the BOOMS, the crackles, the sparkles and the faint smoke trails. I love the concussion of the shells being fired and the split second delay it takes the sound to reach my ears after my eyes have already seen the explosion of light. I love the oohs and ahhs. Set it all to a John Phillip Sousa march and I'm in Heaven.

That said, I'm just about fed up with the idiots in my neighborhood (I live just outside city limits) who think July 4 begins at 6 p.m. June 20 and doesn't stop until who knows when (God willing, July 4 at midnight). Judging by the constant bangs and stacatto pops, Either my neighbors are all pyromaniacs with too much money or there have been a lot of drive bys recently. "You young whipper-snappers are gonna set my house on fire!"

I remember loving shooting off Roman Candles and popping firecrackers as a kid, but looking back it seems so stupid. How did I not kill myself or maim my friends/family? And the cost! Good grief! It's kind of like my argument against cigarettes: how can you afford such a habit? My neighbors have probably each dropped $100, and that was before it was even July! I feel like shaking my fist from my front porch: "Get a savings account!"

Like I said, I LOVE fireworks and I LOVE celebratin our independence, it's just that in my old age I perfer to love it done by professionals and on the fourth day of the seventh month. I am old man. Sigh.

Then again, I've been an old man for a while now. I realized that the day I was at Falls Creek and thought the skirts were too short and the music too loud.

I have a dream

Someday, I'm going to throw out all my socks and just go out and buy like 20 pairs of the same brown socks. Then I'm going to throw them all in a drawer. I'm never going "fold them"/roll the up into pairs when I do laundry either... just throw 'em in the drawer. I'll never have to worry about an odd number of socks and they'll always be a perfect match.

You've got to have goals in life.

I wonder if I can still do it

Ka-rip! Ka-rap! ka-rippolo tipollo tap,
O O rincto lincto hi-o totamus,
Hopula skipula copula gotamus,
Chink-ta-lak chink-ta-lee ka-willa ka-walla ka-victory!
Ooh Ooh hoog-u-la choog-u-la koog-u-la can,
Rag-u-la tag-u-la melcian man,
Let 'er go rip let 'er go ruse,
Ting-u-la tang-u-la turn 'em a loose,
ZIP! BANG! OBU!

Yep. Still can.

Life's Simple Pleasures

Life's Simple Pleasure #21

New windshield wipers.

It's an amazingly wonderful feeling when your check book balances to the penny.

It's also an amazingly wonderful thing when that balance is positive.

I'm sorry, but there's no way the Colorado River carved the Grand Canyon. I don't care how many years you give it, it takes way more blind faith to believe a river did that than to believe God carved it with His own hands.

Der Mächtige Missouri Fluss, oder Der Rhein Fluss... Nehmen Sie Ihre Wahl
(The Mighty Missouri River, or the Rhine)



Germany and its culture and language somehow have a more profound impact on Missouri than one might think.

For example, before the capital city and my home, Jefferson City, was named after our third president, it was known as Old Muenchenberg. Today, Jeff City's "sister city" is the original Muenchenberg in Germany.

You want another example? Jefferson City is situated within the Missouri River Valley... or at least that's I thought. The "officially recognized" name for this geographic region is the Missouri Rhineland.

I live in the frickin' Rhineland.

Give it up for Lent!

I’m proud to be a Baptist (or, as my sister now refers to the denomination, “a dipper”), but I do enjoy certain aspects of the Catholic liturgical tradition, including Lent.

Now, I can’t find much biblical basis to support not eating meat on Friday (but fish is OK and you’re exempt if you’re older than 59… the rule is also lifted if St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Friday so Catholics can eat corned beef), but I think no harm can come from giving up something I think I can’t live without. The idea, at least as far I can interpret the catechism, is to think of Christ’s suffering every time you desire that which you’ve temporarily sacrificed.

For my Catholic friend Justin, his sacrifice was CDs and Sprite. Yeah, he really went all out. I don’t know if I could do without music.

No word yet on if Luis is giving anything up.

My “sacrifice” is that from Ash Wednesday (Feb. 21) to Easter (April 8), I’m going to do my best to avoid Dr Pepper and fast food. Actually, that will probably be a lot tougher than Justin giving up his Weezer.

My New Name

1. YOUR SPY NAME: (middle name and current street name)
Killis Oxford (awesome)

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your dad's side, your favorite candy)
Guy Fifth Avenue (also awesome)

3. YOUR RAP NAME: (first initial of first name, first three or four letters of your last name)
B-Koon (sounds vaguely racist)

4. YOUR GAMER TAG: (a favorite color, a favorite animal)
Purple Falcon (sounds vaguely gay)

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Killis Norman (sounds plausible)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Koo-Bel-Mon (also sounds plausible)

7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backward)
Sillik Rehcleb (sounds evil)

8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile your mom drives)
The Purple Carvan (probably has lame super powers)

9. YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: (first name of a main character in the last movie you watched, last food you ate)
Cole Chicken (just plain retarded)