Keep it ChaCha!

If you have not yet experienced the unbridled joy that is ChaCha, you, my friend, are living a sad and lonely existence.

ChaCha is a free, text-based “concierge” service of sorts. You call their toll-free number (800-224-2242) and ask it any question you want. Within a few seconds (usually) ChaCha confirms your question and in a minute or two replies with the answer. The only hitch is that you’re of course charged the normal amount for each text message and so if you get addicted (like I did), you can end up asking ChaCha more than 100 questions during a long road trip, thus raking in more than 200 texts in a few hours. It’s not healthy, or fiscally responsible, but man did it make the time fly.

Since ChaCha converts my voice question into text before it is answered by a person using, Google (I assume), sometimes the questions get garbled. Often ChaCha tosses in odd, semi-related information. I know it sounds retarded, but it’s kinda like the excitement you felt the first time you used a chat room back in the day.

It all started off as a bet and a few “legitimate questions.” While some friends and I were “working” in New Orleans (see previous post), we were inundated with bugs that were mating. Which was the male and which was the female? We had to know.

BK: In general, which are bigger: female bugs, or male bugs?
ChaCha: Female insects and spiders are often much bigger than their male counterparts, while the opposite is usually true in mammals such as deer and sheep. It just depends. Keep it ChaCha!

A few minutes later, as we crossed the 28-mile causeway that spans Lake Ponchatrain, we were curious:

BK: Is Lake Pontchartrain the largest lake in the world?
ChaCha: Nope. By volume, the largest lake in the world is Lake Caspian. It contains 18,900 cubic miles of H2O. ChaCha for now!

If Chris were to careen off the bridge, would the van sink hundreds of feet, trapping us in a watery grave? Let's ask ChaCha!

BK: How deep is Lake Pontchartrain?
ChaCha: It averages only 12-14 feet deep in most areas. What else can ChaCha do for you?

Then things started to get silly. A few highlights:

BK: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
ChaCha: The average woodchuck would chuck so much wood he wouldn’t know how much wood he chucked. ChaCha!

BK: Do you want to have dinner Friday night?
ChaCha: I’m busy Friday night. Sorry. ChaCha Out.

BK: To be, or not to be?
ChaCha: To be! ChaCha rocks!

BK: What’s that smell?
ChaCha: I don’t know. Can you describe it? Keep it ChaCha!

BK: How tall is Dave _____ ? (A co-worker)
ChaCha: Dave ____ is 6 feet, 2 inches tall, or 1.88 meters tall. Keep on ChaChaing! (Good try, ChaCha. Dave is 6'5".)

BK: What did you think of Heath Ledger’s performance in The Dark Knight?
ChaCha: Heath Ledger did very well. He played a role I didn’t think he could pull off. ChaCha!

BK: Just how awesome is Chic-Fil-A?
ChaCha: I’ve never actually eaten at one, but I have a friend in Texas who loves them. ChaCha for now!

BK: Who is your pick in November?
ChaCha: Obama, duh! Keep it ChaCha!

BK: Do you feel lucky, Punk?
ChaCha: Why yes, I do feel lucky! Thanks for doing the ChaCha!

BK: What is the square root of 3? (there isn’t one)
ChaCha: 1.3205081. Good luck in math and stay in school. ChaCha!

BK: Do bird burps smell like bugs?
ChaCha: Birds do not burp, but they do barf up their food to feed their young and it smells like whatever they ate, including bugs. Keep on ChaCha!

BK: Is crack really whack? (ChaCha misunderstood my question and thought I had a question about “track”)
ChaCha: No! Track and Field is an excellent sport. Go ChaCha!

BK: Should I shave my head so I’d be totally bald?
ChaCha: Yes! A few bald men in Hollywood have the hottest wives. Think Vin Diesel. You WILL get the ladies. Try it! Do the ChaCha!

BK: Do you know the muffin man?
ChaCha: Yep. Keep on ChaCha-ing.

BK: Heads or tails?
ChaCha: HEADS! Thanks for using ChaCha!

BK: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?
ChaCha: Science has not yet answered that key question, but I do know that the Egg McMuffin came before the Chicken McNugget. ChaCha!

BK: Why did Bambi’s mother have to die?
ChaCha: Sadly, her death is what makes the story. It is a sad reality. Keep asking ChaCha!

BK: Who is cooler: Simon, or Garfunkel?
ChaCha: Garfunkel. His name sounds cooler. ChaCha Forever!

BK: Meat Loaf said he would do anything for love but “that.” What is “that?”
ChaCha: “I’ll never forget the way you feel right now, oh no, no way.” ChaCha on!

BK: Which is better: The Pathway or the Word and Way?
ChaCha: I prefer The Pathway. What else can ChaCha do for you?

BK: Is the book of Hezekiah in the Old or New Testament?
ChaCha: Hezekiah is not a book in the Bible, although he does appear in 2 Chronicles and 2 Kings (Old Testament). Do the ChaCha!

BK: Do these pants make my butt look big?
ChaCha: If they are jeans, then probably not. Back pockets make all the difference in the world in perceived butt size and jean back pockets help minimize. ChaCha Forever!

BK: If I break open a glow stick and drink the contents, will my urine glow in the dark?
ChaCha: I don’t think so. It takes 26 hours on average for liquid to pass through your system and glow sticks don’t glow that long. Plus, they are poison. ChaCha on through the night!

BK: What is the secret ingredient in your mother’s famous pecan pie, and don’t say “love”?
ChaCha: My mom doesn’t make pecan pie. Sorry. ChaCha!

BK: I’d like to buy the world a Coke. How much will this set me back?
ChaCha: As of Sept. 2008, the world’s population is estimated to be 6.721 billion. Assuming a Coke is $1, it would cost about $6.721 billion. What else can ChaCha do for you?

BK: Where’s the beef?
ChaCha: At Wendy’s! I went there for lunch and checked. Sure enough, the beef was there. Keep it ChaCha!

BK: What is the best flavor of Doritos?
ChaCha: My all time favorite was Sour Cream & Onion, but they stopped making them. Now, I just put hot sauce on the originals and it rocks! Thanks for choosing ChaCha!

BK: Who is your favorite Muppet?
ChaCha: Oscar the Grouch. I also like Cookie Monster and I’m offended they changed him to a Veggie Monster. ChaCha the night away!

BK: How much is that doggie in the window? ARF ARF!
ChaCha: Please clarify which window you’re talking about. Thnx for ChaCha-n!

BK: What does the cow say?
ChaCha: Generally, “moo.” Keep it ChaCha!

And now my personal favorites:

BK: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
ChaCha: ChaCha is ALWAYS happy to see you! ChaCha on!

BK: What’s that one movie with the guy and the girl and the thing in that place?
ChaCha: Sound of Music. Keep it ChaCha!

BK: Just how fat is Santa Claus?
ChaCha: I just took an informal office poll: He weighs about 350 lbs, and his pant size is 50. His belly is like jelly. ChaCha on!

BK: Are they real? (This was in reference to the flowers decorated our table at a Mississippi Chic-Fil-A, although I instantly realized my question could be interpreted in a much more… interesting manner. I think ChaCha misunderstood my question, but the answer is pretty darn funny if you interpret the question in the “interesting” way.)
ChaCha: They are an imaginary tale to excite Childen for the holidays. Thanks for using ChaCha!