Well-done, Please

Minnesota Nights: The Ballad of Ricky-Brian.

OK, so this isn't so much a ballad as it is a few reflections of my time in Minnesota, specifically Minneapolis-St. Paul. Too bad though. I enjoy ballads.

Minneapolis is a contraction of the Dakota Indian word "minne" meaning "lake" and the Greek "polis" which of course means "city." Thus, City of Lakes. Indeed, I saw many lakes. Though I haven't doen extensive research, I'm going to guess St. Paul is named after St. Paul.

St. Paul is home to Bethel University, which hosted the journalism conference that cost my employer a grand total of $910.34. Bethel is affiliated with the Swedish Baptists (in ACT language, OBU:BGCO::Bethel:Swedish Baptists).

It was strange to hear Minneapolitans (rhymes with Neapolitan) refer to themselves as midwesterners, although I suppose they are if you want to get picky about it.

The Twin Cities have "stoplights" on the entrance ramps leanding onto their highways. If traffic is really bad, the light turns red and you have to stop at the end of the onramp and can't merge onto the highway. When the system "senses" an upcoming break in traffic, it turns green just long enough for one car to enter the highway then turns red again. It flashes yellow, you just drive normally and merge like you would anywhere else. In theory, it keeps traffic flowing and saves time across the board, but it confused the heck out of me. I had to ask my waitress the first night what was up.

The world's largest mall, the Mall of America, calls Minneapolis its home. I'm not one of those guys who absolutley abhors shopping but it's not something I normally think of as a recreational activity. Therefor, I feel I am ideally suited to judge the Mall of America as a tourist attraction.

First of all, it's big. Not really that neat, not really that impressive, just big. It's four stories tall, houses 570 stores, four different Starbucks, an aquarium and a small, Snoopy-themed amusement park. And a University of Minnesota satelite campus. I kid you not. Only in America can you shop at Macy's during your breaks between class.

I embraced my inner nerdiness and thoroughly enjoyed my stop at the Prairie Home Companion store in the MoA. It's kind of fun being the only person under the age of 55 who knows who Garrison Keillor is. I would have loved to see a live broadcast from the Fitzgerald Theater in downtown St. Paul, but tickets were $65.