I... I Don't Even Know What to Say

Oh Yeah. I did it.

Some people actually trouble themselves to make real New Year's Resolutions. Not me. There's a lot in my life I could/should committ to change/improve. Despite my general disinterest in resolutions, this time last year I chose to make 2008 The Year of Film.

My goal was to see 52 movies in 52 weeks (all my reviews are available at A Rough Cut) and dag nabbit, I did it. Turns out I miscounted and actually saw 53. That's good becuase that makes the monumental 52nd movie RocknRolla, which is way better for my street cred than Marley & Me. Some were stinkers and some were pleasant surprises, some I absolutely would have never seen if I hadn't been on a mission from God. but overall it's been a pretty good year. Some have said I cheated because I counted the ones I saw in theaters twice, but [sticks tongue out].

Here's the list, starting in January (a * denotes a movie seen twice):

1. National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (3 out of 5 stars)
   
2. Bee Movie (.5/5)
3. * Juno (5/5)
   
4. Walk Hard (2/5)
   
5. Atonement (4/5)
   
6. Rambo (2/5)
7. Semi-Pro (2/5)
8. Expelled: No Intelligence (3/5)
   
9. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! (3/5)
   
10. Smart People (3.5/5)
11. Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (2/5)
12. Forgetting Sarah Marshall (5/5)
13. * Iron Man (4.5/5)
14. Speed Racer (1/5)
15. * Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Cyrstal Skull (4/5)
16. * Kung Fu Panda (3.5/5)
17. * Get Smart (3.5/5)
18. Wanted (3.5/5)
19. * Wall-E (4.5/5)
20. * The Dark Knight (5/5)
21. Step Brothers (1/5)
22. * Tropic Thunder (4/5)
23. Pineapple Express (2/5)
24. Ghost Town (4/5)
25. Hancock (2/5)
26. Burn After Reading (3.5/5)
27. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (3.5/5)
28. An American Carol (2/5)
29. Mamma Mia (1/5)
30. Eagle Eye (3.5/5)
31. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2/5)
32. Fireproof (4/5)
33. The Express (3/5)
34. Journey to the Center of the Earth (2.5/5)
35. Madagascar 2: Escape 2 Africa (2.5/5)
36. The House Bunny (3/5)
37. Quantum of Solace (4/5)
38. Appaloosa (2/5)
39. Role Models (4/5)
40. Bolt (4/5)
41. Max Payne (1/5)
42. Australia (4/5)
43. The Day the Earth Stood Still (3.5/5)
44. RocknRolla (3.5/5)
    
45. Marley & Me (3/5)
    

For the full break down of the year that was and the awarding of the prestigious Stubbies, click on over to A Rough Cut.

And that makes 200 (+1)

Playfully stolen from xkcd.com.

In what pundits world-wide are calling a "mild but still uninteresting coincidence," my last post, "And That Makes 100," marked my 200th entry here at the cavalcade of whimsy that is Well-done, Please. It's taken me a while to get here (other bloggers have racked up more than 450 posts in a similar span), but what a wild and crazy journey it's been.

Who could forget the tirades against "those darn kids," the travelogues, the clips of eccentric people playing ukuleles, the rich, theological debates, the Hollywood eulogies, the memos to fast food employees, or the many, many typos? Sweet Memories [wipes a single tear]. Oh, I almost forgot the Platonic Dialogue.

And that makes 100

I did a Google Images search for "100" just to see what was out there and this little fella was at the top of the list.

I just received and posted my 100th postcard (that I'm keeping record of)! Many thanks to Noelle from Santiago, Chile for helping make this the oh so special day that it is. Forget Obama and the upcoming inauguration parties. This is where it's at.

Something Else for Al Gore to Worry About

Hehe.

Where Seduction Meets Flame-Broiled Meat

I've been touting this idea for years. Seriously. For years. Only my idea was to capture the alluring, sensual musk that is eau du onion-fried burger, not flame-broiled Whoppers. Oh, and I would have charged way more than $3.99.

Positive Behavoir Intervention and Support Program?

The library rules are posted on the library door at Halls Ferry Elementary school in Florissant. Signs with rules and behavior tips are on the walls throughout the school as part of the Positive Behavior Intervention and Support program. (Max Gersh/P-D)

St. Louis area schools use rules to improve behavior
By Valerie Schremp Hahn
ST. LOUIS POST-DISPATCH
12/18/2008

If you were a student at Halls Ferry Elementary School in Florissant, you'd know that when soft music comes on in the cafeteria, it's time to finish eating. If your teacher asked you to "slant," you'd know the acronym means to sit up straight and get ready to listen.

And if you were new here, and needed a primer on all the school's rules and procedures — and there are lots of them — you'd be invited to join the Newcomer's Club.

"I just think that's so good for kids, to come into an environment and know what is expected of them," said Lisa Hazel, principal of Halls Ferry, in the Ferguson-Florissant School District.

All schools have rules; just try keeping 500 children in line without them.
But schools like Halls Ferry have rules nailed down to a science. Administrators say they are using rules not just to keep order, but also to set kids up to succeed.

The schools practice PBS, or Positive Behavior Support. It's sometimes called PBIS, or Positive Behavioral Interventions and Supports.

Ask any of these schools to show you their rules and regulations binder, and you'll see procedures and lesson plans for everything.

Everything. How to line up in the cafeteria. How to use "nice hands and feet" on the bus. How to be kind to classmates.

But the program isn't about creating endless lists of rules and cracking down on violators. Instead, the focus is on setting expectations and catching students being good. In other words, schools are offering more carrots and fewer sticks.

Hazel said the approach makes her job easier — about half as many students were sent to her office last school year as the year before.

Positive Behavior Support is in schools in all 50 states. Halls Ferry was one of the first local schools to start it 10 years ago.

Hazelwood, University City, Clayton, Pattonville, Kirkwood, and Webster Groves are among area districts that have signed on more of their schools in the past few years.

The approach is not rigid; it evolves with the needs of a school. But there is consistency within individual schools.

"Everyone in the school uses the same words," says Thurma DeLoach, director of Kirkwood's special programs. "It's not like when I was in school, where in one classroom these were the expectations; in another classroom, you can get away with murder."

Teachers set up their own classroom rules and procedures, but they reflect the school's general philosophy and are similar to those in other classrooms in the same grade level.

The program is based on the theory that about three-fourths of students in the school don't have behavior issues. About a fourth of students might need some help, which could mean they get a mentor or an invitation to attend a school "social skills club." A small percentage of students have chronic issues and need more help; they're likely to be put on behavior plans.

When schools decide to adopt the program, they might start small with a problem that their school can work on, like cafeteria behavior. Teachers and staff members — from the recess aides to the janitors — agree on a way to address each issue.

At Eureka Elementary in the Rockwood district, cafeteria workers give tickets to students for every positive behavior they observe. Grade levels keep track of how many tickets they get and compete to win the week's "Golden Tray Award" — a spray-painted plastic cafeteria tray.

"It's unbelievable," Eureka Principal Brian Gentz said. "It has changed an entire lunch."

With the rules comes a common theme to make following them fun.

At Ritenour Middle School, Huskies get "paws for applause" for good behavior. At Ackerman School in Florissant, part of the Special School District, students' names are placed on a bee, which is taped next to a central beehive in a hallway. Halls Ferry students see handprints as a common theme, and they agree to follow the "high fives." There are six of them: Be safe, kind, cooperative, respectful, peaceful and responsible.

"When we do the high fives, you can earn good listening tickets and you can earn a lot of things, like lunch with a teacher," Halls Ferry second-grader Reggie Ross said.

The approach translates to good feelings all around, said Carol Fouse, principal of Hazelwood East Middle School in the Spanish Lake area. She recalled the story of a girl who visited her office at the end of last school year and asked, "Did you make up this school?"

"Yes, as far as coming up with the rules and everything," Fouse responded.

"Well, you did a good job," the girl said. "You know what? I haven't needed to fight this year. I got into fights all the time at elementary school, but I feel safe at this school."

"That," said Fouse, "was very cool."

AWE-SOME.

My new favorite quote: "My dog jumped up on my lap and started licking my pants."

The Offical Ringtone of Christmas

Bring It On!

Vocab Lesson #3

It's great to learn, 'cause knowledge is power! (Previous lessons here and here.)

• Eschatos
• Trisagion
• Accretion
• Amanuenses
• Vacticinium ex eventu
• Lex talion
  
• Theophoric
• Hypocoristic
• henotheism
• Proleptic
  

Chippy

Good news, everyone! OPERATION: ICING ON THE CAKE was a rousing success. Fourteen people plus an infant (for a grand total of 14.1) showed up and there were no reported injuries.

The game was fun, even though we (The Grim Dekers) played Mizzou's JV team and lost 2-9. We would have actually been competitive, but we only had one man on the bench so that meant our guys pretty much played the whole game. Mizzou brougth 15 guys, which meant they only had to play roughtly 1/3 a game, which meant they were able to bring in fresh legs when our guys got winded. Sneaky sneaky.

The game was - to use the hockey term - "chippy." That's code for there were actually some fights this time. Our guy (John) scored both our goals, but he paid for both of them when Mizzou's enforcer took him out twice. John fought back and there were many bruises to go around. A good time was had by all.

There is also slight chance I might have yelled something to the effect of, "At least Mizzou won one game this weekend." Don't worry, hockey players can barely move without unlacing their skates once they've left the ice, and I'm surprisingly fast for a large land-mammal.

Ice Cube Said it Best

Today was a good day, and it wasn't just because none of my homies in South Central got shot or that I didn't have to use my AK. Not only did OU trample Mizzou, but I also got my Christmas decorations up AND I got four new postcards in the mail (and only one of them was from Finland)!

Merry Christmas From Those Fun People on the 6th Floor

Many people in today's society seem to be laboring under the false impression that the highest honor for a journalist is the Pulitzer Prize, or maybe an Edward R. Murrow Award. They're wrong. There is no higher praise than to see a homeless mannequin sleeping on a park bench using the your publication - the very fruits of your pen - as a blanket.

I know how you feel, little guy. It puts me to sleep too.

Who Knew Jon Stewart was a Good Singer?

This is my generation's Rudolf the Rednosed Reindeer, How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Merry Christmas Charlie Brown! all rolled into one:

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: Jon Stewart

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

With Apologies to Johnny Nash

I can see clearly now, the tint is gone,

I can see all obstacles in my car's way,
Gone are the windows that made me blind*,
It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day,

I think I can make it now the glass is clear,
I will pay my fine right away,

Though I think Missouri law is dumb,
It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day,

Look around, there's nothin' but clear glass,

Look straight ahead, nothin' but clear glaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaass,

I can see clearly now the tint is gone,

There are no troopers demading that I pay,

Gone are the dark panels that got me stopped**,

It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) no-ticket day.

* supposedly

** twice

Stop It.

Webster's Dictionary defines "lame" as:

• Crippled or physically disabled, esp. in the foot or leg so as to limp or walk with difficulty
• Impaired or disabled through defect or injury: as in, a lame arm.
• Weak; inadequate; unsatisfactory; clumsy: as in, "Webster's Dictionary defines _____ as _____" is a lame rhetorical device.

Can't we all put aside our difference and agree that no one beyond middle school is allowed to begin a thought with such a lame, LAME phrase?

Well THAT was an $83 lunch break

They say you learn something new everyday. Today's lesson, boys and girls, is that just because you've only received one ticket for "excessive vision reduction materials" in the past three years, it doesn't mean you can safely assume it'll be another three years before some bored highway patrolman pounces.

When this happened back in June, I decided that I would just keep my 85 percent tint (the legal limit is 65) and take my chances. I'd been driving in Missouri for more than three years, had had a cop inspect my vehicle after that gay hit-and-run garbage truck AND driven alongside literally dozens of highway patrol cruisers each day (the MOHP HQ is on my way to work) AND had two safety inspections with no problems. One stop in three years? I'll pay the $83 and keep my awesome windows.

As it turns out, I only had three months, not three more years before it caught up with me. I acknowledged that I'd been stopped for this before (better to admit it than to have him punch it up on the computer) and he asked me why I hadn't removed it. "Cashflow" I said, which is mostly true. I resent having my cash paid to remove something so petty. He said I could pick it off with my fingernail so there was no excuse. For the record, I picked at the entire time he was writing me the ticket and couldn't remove a single speck. I guess I'll have to go at it with a razor blade.

So yeah. I'm frustrated with myself (it's embarrassing to admit you ignored the law because you thought you'd get away with it), mad that I have to drop $83 and even more annoyed that I'm going to have to figure out a way to lose my tint.

I know I broke the law (twice) and I certainly didn't argue with the offericer. I'll dutifully sign the line, plead guilty and pony up the $83. But come on. TWICE now you've crossed the median and chased me down for tint? I'd understand if I had been speeding (even a little bit) and you tacked it on, but come on.

If you're reading, President-elect Obama, I suggest that your new economic stimulous package include a moratorium on tint tickets. YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!

Scoop!

Guess who totally scooped Slate.com... by more than three weeks, no less! That's right, David Plotz, that's right. You and your staff may be exponentially better writers than I can ever hope to be, but I've been all over this story since mid-October. (Never mind the fact that it was the Omaha World Herald that tipped me off and the story itself is more than a year old. The important thing is that I beat you.)

Wow, first Rolling Stone's Peter Travers plagiarizes one of my reviews, and now the web's best magazine is looking to me for content. There just might be something to this blogging thing.

"The Bald Eagle"

Late afternoon on Sunday found me sitting in my garage trimming my hair. This isn't an entirely out of the ordinary occurrence, and I'm actually pretty good at keeping things even. Of course, that plastic depth guard helps. The thing the evil hair clipper manufacturer fat cats fail to mention is that you should ALWAYS double-, no, triple-check that said guard is on the clippers.

Should you fail to triple-check, there's a surprisingly high probability that your noggin will end up with a bald strip the width of the clipper blade.

The sad thing is that this the second time this has happened to me. The first time I gave myself a reverse mohawk, carving a valley right down the middle of my head. Luckily, the hair on the tippy top of my head is thin anyway, so once I'd trimmed the rest to 1/8 inch, it didn't look that bad. The really sad thing is that since I don't have to cut my hair that often, I've only done it 10 or so times. That means I have a 20 percent failure rate.

This time, I accidentally shaved (and believe me, "shaved" is the right word) my right temple. I didn't think I could rescue the situation by myself (plus I'd lost my 1/8 inch guard) so I called up Chris to see if he and Katie would be willing to help me decide on a new do. I was pretty sure he'd be willing, since one of his all-time favorite stories is when I showed up at his door with my new un-mohawk and a sheepish grin. (When I called to see if I could come over, all I had to say was "so I was cutting my hair and..." and he started laughing.)

Anyway, they helped and despite looking like I have 3-day stubble growth all over my head, it actually looks pretty good and - most important - intentional. Chris and Katie tried to persuade me to go ahead and "bic it," but I'm not ready to make that commitment yet. I have this sneaking suspicion I have a funny-shaped head with odd lumps here and there.

Even though I'm not ready make the bald plunge, I did get a chance to think about the potential advantages of being among the follicle-challenged. Heck, I'm 95 percent there already. And that remaining 5 percent is only a matter of time.

• I'm going to save a fortune on shampoo. You can't overestimate the value of frugality in today's economy.
• Washing my hair will take a cool 13 seconds. Styling it will take zero seconds.
  
• If I go ahead and bic it, I can finally donate to Locks of Love.
• Just think how much more aerodynamic I'm going to be! I'm going to be setting land speed records left and right.
  
• I look good in hats.
• I can further cement my new nickname: "The Bald Eagle."
  
• The line between me and Vin Diesel is further blurred.
  

[I] are the Champions!

Regardless of who we elect today, the real winner is:

a) The People
b) The American Dream
c) Democracy
d) None of the above

The answer is d) None of the above. Who is the real winner? The winner is yours truly.

I have successfully exorcised the McDonald's-Monopoly Demon!

Where, O oily hash brown, is thy sting? Where, O deceptive chance at a Dodge Viper, is thy victory? Yes, you were strong, Ronald McDonald! Yes, you were mighty, Uncle Pennybags! But I was stronger! I was mightier! Gaze in crumpling, awestruck defeat as I beat my chest in a primal rage and let out a hair-raising roar of defiant victory. I am Free Will. I OWN YOU, Monopoly at McDonald's! I OWN YOU! May the glorious victory chant echo through the chambers of eternity: I are the Champions, my friends / I kept on fighting, till the end! / No time for losers, / 'cause I are the champions... of the world!

Don't expect the liberal media to report this little news item. They're too obsessed with this so-called "historic" election. Journalism is dead. Sigh.

What to do, what to do?

Tonight I plan to spend as much time as possible keeping my blood pressure in the safe range by avoiding the trickle of election results. Why torture myself for eight or more hours when I can do something else worthwhile and learn the results in one quick fell swoop, just like a blunt blow to the back of my head? Polls schmolls; I ain't goin' cotton no premature speculation and projection.

So, the question of the day is this:

How Should I Spend My Evening NOT Watching the Election Returns?
	Be a man. Order a pizza and watch 'em anyway.
	Go to a movie you really don't want to see.
	Clean your kitchen.
	Learn to play the fiddle.
	Take a nap.
pollcode.com free polls

You've Done it Again, Google

Way to go, Google. I salute you and cleverness.

Although I am turned off by your blatant electioneering. Everyone knows "g" is in the tank for Obama and has been since the beginning.

That said, I appreciate that G gets a booth specially designed for the ever increasing numbers of obese Americans.

You Bet Your Sweet Bippy, I Voted!

Three cheers for democracy (more precisely, consitutional republicanism) in action!

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

Hey Look! It's That Lady from Saturday Night Live!

One of several pix of Sarah Palin I took this morning.
Click here to view the whole album.

Whlie I was driving to church yesterday morning I heard on the radio that the Republican nominnee for vice president would be making an 11th hour campaign stop a mere three blocks from my office. I'm still miffed that I missed the president when he whipped through town last year, so I wasn't going to miss this. I zipped over to the MISSOURI VICTORY CENTER (seriously, just call it a "campaign office") and was able to get a ticket and still make it to church on time.

Even if she and McCain lose tomorrow, it was still fun experience.

Palin was scheduled to speak at noon and the gates opened at 8, so I knew I was in for a long morning. Since my parking lot is so close to the Capitol, I was paranoid some dork would snake it, so I planned to get there extra early. At 7:30 I began walking to the Capitol and by the time I got there, the line was already three blocks long.

I amused myself in line by people watching (I had brought a great book to read, but I can't read standing up... go figure). There was wide variety of Republican and McCain paraphernalia. Of course, eight years ago, these party faithful probably despised McCain. That's why the sensible voter relies on issues and not personality [WARNING: POLITICAL TANGENT AHEAD]. I think endorsing a candidate is useless and narcissistic, but here's my stance on a few issues. I'll let you guess who will win my vote.

• I believe a smaller government is a good thing (this is one area where Bush has clearly failed us).
• I believe lowering taxes across the board is an unequivically good thing.
• I'm am very much pro-life.
• (Security/defense) Biden has said Obama will be tested in the first six months of his administration. That's probably true and in and of itself isn't a damning statement. Who knows, he might surprise Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and pass that test with flying colors. The question remains: Do you want someone who might pass the test and show his mettle, or do you want someone who was tested for five years in a POW camp and passed with flying colors?
• (Willing to cross the aisle) Do you want the most liberal person in the senate to be president, or would you prefer someone who has been the very definition of bi-partisan and centrist for 30 years, so much so that he has angered the Republican elite in years passed?
• I believe the 2nd Amendment is a sacred right. We need an Administration willing to defend that right.
  
• The Fairness Doctrine is wrong and is a violation of the 1st Amendment. We need an Administration willing to be the check and balance against an overwhelmingly democratic Congress that has public said it will be on their agenda.
• I believe we need to secure our borders (this is another area where Bush has failed and McCain is soft).
  

Back to the rally.

The gates opened at 8 and we slowly filed in. I was in the riffraff "white ticket" crowd. Those with yellow tickets got to sit on the Capitol steps. Lucky jerks. OK, so they were mostly veterans. Sure, I staked my claim in the third row with a nice 3/4 view of the podium, but I also ended up standing for nearly six hours. I'm not built for that. Normal humans aren't built for that.

Organizers tried to keep the crowd happy until the appointed hour by pumping in music. You haven't lived until you've seen/heard 20,000 Republicans rocking out to "American Pie." (See the last video below.) Jefferson City is only home to 39,000.

Local and state Republicans took the stage beginning at 11 or so. There were many jokes and jabs at Democrats. A few of them were funny. A few of them. At one point, gubernatorial candidate Kenny Hullshof had us turn around and shout at the offices of the attorney general and his democratic opponent, Jay Nixon. Nixon is going to clean his clock, but it was fun for a few seconds. The best jab of the day was when Random Republican (I lost track) said "I know some of you think it's too late to register to vote. I have good news! ACORN is here and they're ready to squeeze you all in!" Touche Random Republican. Touche.

Finally, it was time for Tina Fey to take the stage. She emerged from the doors of the Capitol and made her way down the steps as Dolly Parton's 9 to 5 played over the PA. I would have preferred something fun like North to Alaska but 9 to 5 is OK. Her husband, Todd, was there too. No word on Track, Trig, Tractor, Truckstop or Trichenosis.

Speaking of music, who got the honor of introducing Gov. Palin? Why, Hank Williams, Jr. (inexplicably nicknamed, "Bocephus"), of course! (FYI, Wikipedia says that it's "BoCephus" and not "Bosephus.")

He started off with National Anthem (see video below) and then went right into a McCain-Palinized version of his (I'm told) hit, Family Tradition (again, see video below). The Dems get Ludacris, Repubs get Bocephus. His song isn't exactly going to go down in the annals of history as a shining example of political rhetoric, but I guess some people liked it. He'll probably help McCain cinch the all-important female grizzly vote in Idaho (keep reading). Me, I could have done without it.

The left wing liberal media have
Always been a real close knit family
But, most of the American People
Don't believe em anyway ya see
Stop and think it over
Before you make your decision
If they smell something
They're gonna come down strong
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

Now this old Union's got problems
That is plain to see
The Democrats bankrupted Fannie Mae N Freddie Mac
Just like 1, 2, 3
The bankers didn't want to make all those bad loans,
But Bill Clinton said you got to
Now they want a bail out, what I'm talking about
Is a Democrat liberal who do

CHORUS
John N Sarah tell ya
Just what they think
And they're not gonna blink
And they're gonna fix this country
Cause they're just like you N ole Hank
Yes John is a maverick
And Sarah fixed Alaska's broken condition
They're gonna go just fine
We're headed for better times
It's a McCain - Palin tradition

I am very proud of America's name
Bu no society is perfect
And we have had our stains
If I'm down at the coffee shop and
Somebody wants to give our flag friction
We say please move on
Cause we're standing strong
That's an old John McCain tradition

Some are bound to tell you I'm
Preaching to the choir
And that is very true
And we are going even higher
Like a mama bear in Idaho
She'll protect your family's condition
If you mess with her cubs
She's gonna take off the gloves
It's an American female tradition

Repeat Chorus

Hank Hill would have loved it.

FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY Palin spoke. She was pretty much on message, although I was very upset that she used a teleprompter. A) Aren't we picking on Obama for being too reliant on a script? and B) it's totally blocked my perfect view that I fought for.

OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE

How perfect would that shot have been?

Then it was over, except for the baby-kissing and thumbs up when someone shouted "Barracuda." For a first political rally (and one that will likely be meaningless this time Wednesday) it was pretty fun and VERY interesting. My observations and final thoughts:

• When I run for office, there will be chairs. Lots and lots of chairs.
  
• My supporters (or enemies) can hold up any sign they want. I hate to say there is anything fake about the campaign, but the truth must be told. I already mentioned they confiscated all the signs at the gate. Once you got inside, they passed out new signs. I watched them pass them out. They were all the same size and were stacked in order (red, then white, then blue) to ensure a proper distribution among the crowd. I'm sure 100 percent of the sentiments on the signs were heartfelt and genuine (otherwise, why wave it around like a mad man) but it's still a little weird. That said, they had some pretty fun signs. My fav: "The Moose is Lose!" "Happy Palin Day!" one of the ones left outside the gate, is also awesome.
  
• Todd Palin looks tired.
• Republicans are very creative when it comes to head wear
  
• The Secret Service dudes (and two dudettes) were on the ball.
• At least three black Missourians support McCain-Palin. Don't tell Jesse Jackson.
  
• I'm over this whole Joe the Plumber thing. I was glad he didn't make an appearance.
  
• Sarah Palin looks very good in jeans.
• Be sure you check out my pix.
  

A few short videos:

IFOP

My fascination with the postal system and postcards is well-documented and it wouldn't be a stretch to call me obsessed. My real concern while I was in St. Louis this week was not to cover my beat or even to see my buddy Luis. No, it was to make sure I made it to the International Bowling Hall of Fame to see if they had any fun postcards to add to my To Send To Kelly pile. Tragically, they were closed.

The Internet is the cause of a sharp decline in good old fashioned snail mail. Why send a postcard when you can blog? (The real question is why not do both?) However, the marriage of the Internet and the International Fraternity of Postcardiophiles (IFOP) has led to a marvelous new wrinkle in my addiction: Postcrossing.

You sign up and are given five addresses of fellow IFOPers across the globe along with a tracking number. You write that tracking number on the card and when they receive it, they register that number on the website and your address goes to a sender somewhere else on the planet.

Yes, it's exactly like that pyramid-style "hairbow club*" Move-your-name-to-the-top-of-the-list scam my sister did when she was in 2nd Grade, and no, I don't care. It IS a little bit different in that the emergence of the Internet allows for a much bigger community pool (there are 71,000 members) and a better/faster management system. Since it knows your location and the destinations, your "postcard mileage" is also tracked and mapped out via a Google Maps layer. Fun!

My first five were dropped in the mail today and are winging their way to Finland, Germany, Austria, Singapore and Australia.

Whereas my obsession is rather general scope, many "serious" IFOPers have chosen to specialize in certain genres. In your Postcrossing Profile you can specify the types of postcards you'd prefer to receive. Mr. Austria requested I send the card in unused mint condition in an envelope and Ms. Australia likes fine art postcards or those featuring churches/cathedrals. (I obliged Austria and stuck Australia with pick of the Capitol.)

But wait! Did Maija from Finland have any special requests? I'm glad you asked.

Hi! I'm Maija! I love travelling (I wanna go to interrail!) and all kind of cute things like small jars, cupcakes, black and white cards and old pictures. I like handmade cards and that’s why I try to make cards by myself for you (of course I can send you some normal card if you want!) I’ll be very happy if you send me a piece of milkcarton (if there is a picture about cow in the milkcarton I hope you send it to me) because of I collect them! :---)

Thank you! ♥

P.S. I hope u write something in your own language. It would be very cool 8) (and of course if u write the same in English and in your language, it's perfect!)

P.P.S. I have got a cat, so if your cat/some other animal wants to send a card to him, send a card to Pekka!

Finlanders are nuts. Of course, it's only by the narrowest of shreds of dignity that I am able to resist sending a disassembled milk carton to Helsinki. Feel free to e-mail me for Pekka's address.

Dear Pekka - Your owner is nuts.

Sigh. So am I.



*Seriuosly. She was waaaaaaaaaaay into hairbows.

Daniel Stern was also awesome in "Rookie of the Year"

As previously mentioned, earlier this week I was heartbroken to be turned away by the locked doors and dimmed lights of the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum. Not to be denied, I called this morning to confirm their hours and casually let the receptionist know I peeved they'd closed early. According the nice recorded voice on the other end of the line, they're only open Thursday through Sunday. Mind you, that's just for the month of October. November through September their open six days a week. Bowling Fail.

(Honestly, I'm just in it for the postcards. I know. I'm sick.)

As I Googled around looking for the above photo (it's not stealing if you provide a link... at least that's what I tell myself), I came across the following entry by a fellow blogger.

The lobby used to house a large Bowling Ball, also, that patrons could roll around, but according to the first receptionist I talked with, it took up too much space. Located right across the street from Bush stadium, the Bowling Museum is housed in the same building as the Cardinals Hall of Fame, so you get two, two, two sports in one!

Thoughts:

• Wow, and I thought I had a comma problem.
• Who knew that "Bowling Ball" was a proper noun.
  
• It's Busch Stadium. Think beer, not president.
• NO MORE GIANT BOWLING BALL?
• It's totally unrelated, but a random episode of The Wonder Years just popped into my head. It was one of the later episodes when Kevin stopped being a cute little boy. How cool is Daniel Stern?
  

The pins are all different sizes, suspended from the ceiling in the entrance atrium. From the balcony you get a great perspective on the prominant pins, cascading down into the gift area. In the depths of the museum you'll also find a Bowling Pin car, made on the frame of a 1936 Studebaker.

• I'm in no position to pick on any one's spelling or aversion to spell check, so I'll give "prominant" a pass.
• You could get the same "perspective" on bowling pins at your local alley.

The largest leading pin is approximately 20' long, fiberglass over a lightweight frame. The nice man at the counter during the early-morning waiting sessions described having to paint the monsters, filling in cracks and trying to reach up and over the monsterous swaying things to apply fresh paint... not a job for the timid.

• I am so so mad I missed out on one of those "early-morning waiting sessions." There's nothing like the thrill you get when you get up before the sun rise for a good ol' fashioned wait.
  

(______________)

Ooooooooh... I get it. It's a play on "You've been punked." It's still not funny.

Confession: I rely way too heavily on parenthetical statements (I also misuse them). Can I help it if I think in clumsy parenthetical thoughts, subordinate clauses and asides? Clearly, I cannot. Shut up, grammar gestapo.

As if You Cared

Last year, I suggested a few options should my current institution of part-time higher learning decide to field an athletic team and poll me for mascot ideas. (They have yet to do so.)

My suggestions:

• The Dippers
• The Johns
• The Saints
• The Spires
• The (Bible) Thumpers
• The (Bible) Belters
• The Holy Rollers
• The Midwesterners (obvious, non-fun choice)

No one cares, but another idea popped into my head last night as I was drifting off to sleep. It turns out being among 2,000 other Baptists fighting for a few seats at local eateries was inspiring. I think it’s a winner: The Potluckers. It the perfect metaphor for what who we are. Namely, people who like to eat.

That’s not to be confused with pot lickers. Or pot stickers. Hmm… The Pot Stickers…

Meet Me In St. Louis

Not to pat myself on the back, but I'm kinda proud of this picture.

Things were a little slow at the convention this afternoon so I decided to be a tourist. I was a good 50 yards from the end of the line forming to go through the metal detectors when I was stopped by a burly National Park Ranger. She spoke loudly and was careful to enunciate, as if I was a deaf, bewildered tourist with limited English.

“SIR – YOU ARE ENTERING A NATIONAL MONUMENT – PLEASE REMOVE YOUR BELT!”

Sheesh, lady, at least offer to buy me dinner first.

Click here if you’d care to see my pictures. Everyone thinks their pictures of The Arch are artsy and it’s practically a law that everyone who takes a photo there take a low angle shot up the 630-foot-tall Arch (Sgt. Lose-the-belt enforces said law).

The “tram” ride up was bearable. Just. I’ve seen truck tires larger than this “pod” they tried to cram three Arch-goers and me into. (I know I’ve just ended a sentence in a preposition, but I can’t figure out how to reword it. “Into which they tried to cram…”? It’s a relatively quick four minutes up and three down. I’m glad I did it, and it was worth the $10 ticket. Just. The views are nice but wow, 630 feet high is REALLY high. Taller than the Washington Monument, the Statue of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower. (Fun fact, it’s also exactly 630 feet wide. Who knew?)

Before I braved the ride to the top, I walked a few blocks across downtown to another world-famous tourist attraction. That’s right, ladies and germs, the International Bowling Hall of Fame and Museum! Much to my chagrin (seriously, I was muchly chagrined), they were closed! Their posted hours showed I was there at the right time, but alas, I was denied. I’m going to go back before I leave Wednesday (I’m going to call ahead first). I hope I can stay dressed for it.

Here’s a thought: Whether you’re on the banks on of the Mississippi under the shadow of The Arch or you’re standing in line waiting for your flight to Newark (seriously, who goes to Newark?), there’s a walk-through metal detector and grey, empty-your-pockets bin in your immediate future. Instead of causing delays by having everyone de-belt, why not let people stay dressed and just run a hand-held detector over every person? A half visual inspection of the buckle can insure the belt is kosher. BK, you’re asking, that would be horribly inefficient. Ahh, not so. If we went to the handheld wand exclusively, we could buy 10 AND hire 10 TSA screeners for the price of the walk-through detector. Don’t thank me - it’s my duty as a pants-wearing citizen.

(For the record, I know that’s a stupid idea. I just wanted an excuse to make a weak joke about Newark and things got a little out of hand.)

Good Job, Opie

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

If you're going to do a "get out and vote for Obama" video, THIS is how it's done.

This, is not.

Say 'Aloha' to Socialism

What do you mean socialism doesn't work?

(Via FoxNews) HONOLULU — Hawaii is dropping the only state universal child health care program in the country just seven months after it launched.

Gov. Linda Lingle's administration cited budget shortfalls and other available health care options for eliminating funding for the program. A state official said families were dropping private coverage so their children would be eligible for the subsidized plan.

"People who were already able to afford health care began to stop paying for it so they could get it for free," said Dr. Kenny Fink, the administrator for Med-QUEST at the Department of Human Services. "I don't believe that was the intent of the program."

State officials said Thursday they will stop giving health coverage to the 2,000 children enrolled by Nov. 1, but private partner Hawaii Medical Service Association will pay to extend their coverage through the end of the year without government support.

"We're very disappointed in the state's decision, and it came as a complete surprise to us," said Jennifer Diesman, a spokeswoman for HMSA, the state's largest health care provider. "We believe the program is working, and given Hawaii's economic uncertainty, we don't think now is the time to cut all funding for this kind of program."

Hawaii lawmakers approved the health plan in 2007 as a way to ensure every child can get basic medical help. The Keiki (child) Care program aimed to cover every child from birth to 18 years old who didn't already have health insurance — mostly immigrants and members of lower-income families.

It costs the state about $50,000 per month, or $25.50 per child — an amount that was more than matched by HMSA.

State health officials argued that most of the children enrolled in the universal child care program previously had private health insurance, indicating that it was helping those who didn't need it.

The Republican governor signed Keiki Care into law in 2007, but it and many other government services are facing cuts as the state deals with a projected $900 million general fund shortfall by 2011.

While it's difficult to determine how many children lack health coverage in the islands, estimates range from 3,500 to 16,000 in a state of about 1.3 million people. All were eligible for the program.

"Children are a lot more vulnerable in terms of needing care," said Democratic Sen. Suzanne Chun Oakland. "It's not very good to try to be a leader and then renege on that commitment."

The universal health care system was free except for copays of $7 per office visit.